How to cope with Mothers comments in street.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Candlelight 67, Dec 15, 2015.

  1. Beetroot

    Beetroot Registered User

    Aug 19, 2015
    My step ma in law who suffered from vascular dementia would take out her false teeth and rinse them in a glass of water while eating in a restaurant. She never did that in the care home where she lived.
  2. Slugsta

    Slugsta Registered User


    Mum isn't too bad so far although she did complain very loudly when she had to walk round someone in Tescos. She thinks that, at her age, everyone else should move out of the way, even if it would mean more inconvenience for them than it would for us! She was huffing and puffing today in the bank, the 2 people in front of us seemed to be undertaking about a dozen transactions each, but I was able to jolly her out if it - this time.
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Mum makes personal comments while we are out too.
    In the summer I took her clothes shopping and she kept saying things like - look at the size of her ............ who ate all the pies then? ........... what does she think she looks like in that? .............. that womans wearing the most hideous dress........ :eek:
    I kept suddenly deciding that we had to go into another shop
  4. Lavender45

    Lavender45 Registered User

    Jun 7, 2015
    Hope you don't mind Canary but "who ate all the pies then?" really made me laugh. Been a long, long day and I really needed a chuckle! Thank you to you and your mum!
  5. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    My Dad's dementia has deteriorated to such an extent that odd comments are no longer a problem. However starting about 3 years ago, until maybe 1 year ago there were situations where i was beyond embarrassement. Helping himself to stuff in shops then walking out and going into meltdown if challenged by security, paying with monopoly money (yes really) eating off other people's plates in cafes (that's off other customers, not my or his carer's plate), attacking me with a fork in a cafe when I asked him not to pinch someone else's food, sitting in Boots shouting "**** **** **** " repeatedly because we were not served instantly (and may others). My way of coping was 1) telling myself I was dealing with enough and if others were a little put out then so be it, I wasn't going to stress about it 2) wherever possible in a public place such as a pub/ cafe/ shop tell someone in charge what the situation is, warn them Dad might act odd it's because he has dementia and i will deal with it. The later approach nearly always drew a helpful response from people. As someone higher up said, people are often fairly tolerant of elderly people acting odd, and there's a good reason for it!
  6. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    West Sussex
    Oh poor Miss Marple. All that sounds very hard to deal with. It sounds as if you dealt very well with those awkward situations. I am glad things are a little easier for you now. I am sorry to say it made me chuckle particularly with your Dad in Boots.

    My Mother continually moans when we are out and about plus the personal comments. Today I took her to an Art View. She did well until we were asked to fill in a feedback form. On a level I think she enjoyed herself and I am hoping she will agree to go to another one. She has become very clingy.
  7. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    Not very PC but i wonder if there is a gender difference. I have heard other people say their mums make personal comments, with my Dad it's always been full frontal aggression.
    Couldn't help thinking of Catherine Tate's nan when I read your post Candlelight!
  8. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    Mums comments were quite bad. Buuuuut the ummm body functions could be oh so loud from someone so tiny
  9. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    West Sussex
    Miss marple I love the reference to Catherine Tate's Nan. It fits rather well. I think the aggression in dementia does happen in both sexes also I think the type affects too. But of course a man maybe stronger.

    Mrs TerryN. My Mother with Dementia just loves loud body functions. She collapses into giggles. :D
  10. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    Thank goodness we can come on here and have a laugh about it! :D
  11. MrsTerryN

    MrsTerryN Registered User

    Dec 17, 2012
    Candlelight mum thinks they are dainty little noises. Oh my goodness she could do a 21 gun salute
  12. Candlelight 67

    Candlelight 67 Registered User

    Nov 4, 2013
    West Sussex
    How lovely. You have to keep smiling.

  13. sandy68

    sandy68 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    I can relate to most of these comments with my dad. My dad comments about the size of people "Look at Fatty Arbuckle!" "He's Eaten all The Pies" and a man was stood at The bus stop and He turned around and said "Well He'll need 2 seats". I just cringe with embarrassment and apologise. We also have comments about the amount of black people where he used to live and in London. He tells anyone who talks to him. We also have a problem with my dad stealing and many a time I have had to tell him to take things out of his pockets and put it back - sometimes with him shouting at me. I usually tell him he has been seen by a worker
  14. missmarple

    missmarple Registered User

    Jan 14, 2013
    Sandy I have experienced all that, and the being shouted at in public can be really hard to take, i feel for you. But weirdly, after being a keen racist all his life, Dad seemed to become utterly colour blind when dementia struck. :rolleyes: just as well.
  15. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    This made me laugh soooooooooooooooooooo much - some of the goods we buy only deserve monopoly money . I felt so sorry for you but you made me laugh so much. Thank you
    Everyone else too - thank you - just makes you realise that sharing does take the edge off somethings!!
  16. alison1981

    alison1981 Registered User

    Dec 13, 2013
    Before my mum went in a home, I used to hate going shopping with her as she would say mean things about people in ear shot and in a loud voice! She once said about a woman who had got twins in a pram and 2 children walking at the side of her, mum said to her 'haven't you heard of contraception?) :eek:

    Another woman did get offended by mum's comments about her being overweight that she looked like she was going to smack her, but once I explained that mum had got dementia she was ok but I used to dread going out with her because some people won't be understanding.
  17. Teresa Green

    Teresa Green Registered User

    Dec 19, 2015
    Dementia Friends

    I would jolly her along by saying something brightly and positive and this may make it obvious to the person that she is speaking about that perhaps there are issues with dementia eg "yes, leggings do make legs look nice and slim". You are right to not question what she says. The long term answer is to become and promote Dementia Friends
  18. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    Although I live on a big city, I told for the most gossipers from neighbourhood that mum was sick. And explained a little bid about dementia. And one visited us on sun downing moment.

    Everybody knew. So if someone didn't, others could explain ( usually shop clerks).
  19. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    Welcome to TP :)
  20. onlyme1

    onlyme1 Registered User

    Sep 10, 2011
    #40 onlyme1, Jan 1, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 1, 2016
    mum's remarks in street etc

    my mum sometimes refers to people as darkies or says they've been coloured in ... I no longer worry about this! on the plus side she nearly always greets people as 'my little yorkshire angel' people invariably respond well, mum's always been full of empathy and good at making people feel special. i wouldn't worry! there's a lady at the care home where mum and dad live who always asks when my baby's due - i'm nearly 60 and well built - i go along with it and we talk about the joys of motherhood!

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