• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can now be found in our new area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

How to cope with Mothers comments in street.

Beetroot

Registered User
Aug 19, 2015
362
My step ma in law who suffered from vascular dementia would take out her false teeth and rinse them in a glass of water while eating in a restaurant. She never did that in the care home where she lived.
 

Slugsta

Registered User
Aug 25, 2015
2,761
South coast of England
My step ma in law who suffered from vascular dementia would take out her false teeth and rinse them in a glass of water while eating in a restaurant. She never did that in the care home where she lived.
:D

Mum isn't too bad so far although she did complain very loudly when she had to walk round someone in Tescos. She thinks that, at her age, everyone else should move out of the way, even if it would mean more inconvenience for them than it would for us! She was huffing and puffing today in the bank, the 2 people in front of us seemed to be undertaking about a dozen transactions each, but I was able to jolly her out if it - this time.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
12,592
South coast
Mum makes personal comments while we are out too.
In the summer I took her clothes shopping and she kept saying things like - look at the size of her ............ who ate all the pies then? ........... what does she think she looks like in that? .............. that womans wearing the most hideous dress........ :eek:
I kept suddenly deciding that we had to go into another shop
 

Lavender45

Registered User
Jun 7, 2015
1,609
Liverpool
Mum makes personal comments while we are out too.
In the summer I took her clothes shopping and she kept saying things like - look at the size of her ............ who ate all the pies then? ........... what does she think she looks like in that? .............. that womans wearing the most hideous dress........ :eek:
I kept suddenly deciding that we had to go into another shop
Hope you don't mind Canary but "who ate all the pies then?" really made me laugh. Been a long, long day and I really needed a chuckle! Thank you to you and your mum!
 

missmarple

Registered User
Jan 14, 2013
204
My Dad's dementia has deteriorated to such an extent that odd comments are no longer a problem. However starting about 3 years ago, until maybe 1 year ago there were situations where i was beyond embarrassement. Helping himself to stuff in shops then walking out and going into meltdown if challenged by security, paying with monopoly money (yes really) eating off other people's plates in cafes (that's off other customers, not my or his carer's plate), attacking me with a fork in a cafe when I asked him not to pinch someone else's food, sitting in Boots shouting "**** **** **** " repeatedly because we were not served instantly (and may others). My way of coping was 1) telling myself I was dealing with enough and if others were a little put out then so be it, I wasn't going to stress about it 2) wherever possible in a public place such as a pub/ cafe/ shop tell someone in charge what the situation is, warn them Dad might act odd it's because he has dementia and i will deal with it. The later approach nearly always drew a helpful response from people. As someone higher up said, people are often fairly tolerant of elderly people acting odd, and there's a good reason for it!
 

Candlelight 67

Registered User
Nov 4, 2013
167
West Sussex
Oh poor Miss Marple. All that sounds very hard to deal with. It sounds as if you dealt very well with those awkward situations. I am glad things are a little easier for you now. I am sorry to say it made me chuckle particularly with your Dad in Boots.

My Mother continually moans when we are out and about plus the personal comments. Today I took her to an Art View. She did well until we were asked to fill in a feedback form. On a level I think she enjoyed herself and I am hoping she will agree to go to another one. She has become very clingy.
 

missmarple

Registered User
Jan 14, 2013
204
Not very PC but i wonder if there is a gender difference. I have heard other people say their mums make personal comments, with my Dad it's always been full frontal aggression.
Couldn't help thinking of Catherine Tate's nan when I read your post Candlelight!
 

MrsTerryN

Registered User
Dec 17, 2012
769
Mums comments were quite bad. Buuuuut the ummm body functions could be oh so loud from someone so tiny
 

Candlelight 67

Registered User
Nov 4, 2013
167
West Sussex
Miss marple I love the reference to Catherine Tate's Nan. It fits rather well. I think the aggression in dementia does happen in both sexes also I think the type affects too. But of course a man maybe stronger.

Mrs TerryN. My Mother with Dementia just loves loud body functions. She collapses into giggles. :D
 

MrsTerryN

Registered User
Dec 17, 2012
769
Candlelight mum thinks they are dainty little noises. Oh my goodness she could do a 21 gun salute
 

sandy68

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
20
I can relate to most of these comments with my dad. My dad comments about the size of people "Look at Fatty Arbuckle!" "He's Eaten all The Pies" and a man was stood at The bus stop and He turned around and said "Well He'll need 2 seats". I just cringe with embarrassment and apologise. We also have comments about the amount of black people where he used to live and in London. He tells anyone who talks to him. We also have a problem with my dad stealing and many a time I have had to tell him to take things out of his pockets and put it back - sometimes with him shouting at me. I usually tell him he has been seen by a worker
 

missmarple

Registered User
Jan 14, 2013
204
Sandy I have experienced all that, and the being shouted at in public can be really hard to take, i feel for you. But weirdly, after being a keen racist all his life, Dad seemed to become utterly colour blind when dementia struck. :rolleyes: just as well.
 

fizzie

Registered User
Jul 20, 2011
2,730
, paying with monopoly money (yes really)
This made me laugh soooooooooooooooooooo much - some of the goods we buy only deserve monopoly money . I felt so sorry for you but you made me laugh so much. Thank you
Everyone else too - thank you - just makes you realise that sharing does take the edge off somethings!!
 

alison1981

Registered User
Dec 13, 2013
62
Before my mum went in a home, I used to hate going shopping with her as she would say mean things about people in ear shot and in a loud voice! She once said about a woman who had got twins in a pram and 2 children walking at the side of her, mum said to her 'haven't you heard of contraception?) :eek:

Another woman did get offended by mum's comments about her being overweight that she looked like she was going to smack her, but once I explained that mum had got dementia she was ok but I used to dread going out with her because some people won't be understanding.
 

Teresa Green

Registered User
Dec 19, 2015
1
Dementia Friends

I would jolly her along by saying something brightly and positive and this may make it obvious to the person that she is speaking about that perhaps there are issues with dementia eg "yes, leggings do make legs look nice and slim". You are right to not question what she says. The long term answer is to become and promote Dementia Friends
 

BR_ANA

Registered User
Jun 27, 2012
1,079
Brazil
Although I live on a big city, I told for the most gossipers from neighbourhood that mum was sick. And explained a little bid about dementia. And one visited us on sun downing moment.

Everybody knew. So if someone didn't, others could explain ( usually shop clerks).
 

Cat27

Volunteer Moderator
Feb 27, 2015
11,343
Merseyside
I would jolly her along by saying something brightly and positive and this may make it obvious to the person that she is speaking about that perhaps there are issues with dementia eg "yes, leggings do make legs look nice and slim". You are right to not question what she says. The long term answer is to become and promote Dementia Friends
Welcome to TP :)
 

onlyme1

Registered User
Sep 10, 2011
105
scarborough
mum's remarks in street etc

my mum sometimes refers to people as darkies or says they've been coloured in ... I no longer worry about this! on the plus side she nearly always greets people as 'my little yorkshire angel' people invariably respond well, mum's always been full of empathy and good at making people feel special. i wouldn't worry! there's a lady at the care home where mum and dad live who always asks when my baby's due - i'm nearly 60 and well built - i go along with it and we talk about the joys of motherhood!
 
Last edited:

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
114,952
Messages
1,681,255
Members
65,954
Latest member
Romf