How to cope alone

[ken82]

Hello All.
As a long time carer for my wife who has had several health problems for many years including diabetes I am beginning to feel overwhelmed .I feel I have coped alone well till now but am beginning to have doubts as I am 82 years with some health problems and any advise will be welcome .In 2011 my wife was diagnosed as having Alzheimer’s although I know she had been showing signs of the illness for a considerable length of time.
I suppose the main problem is feeling alone and trying to manage every thing oneself .Although I have a loving family which we see fairly often ,they have their own lives with families to deal with. ,and I feel they do not realize and not understand our true quality of life as it really is now. So I have joined this forum to see how others have coped with caring for loved ones with Alzheimer’s.

 

[Adcat]

Hello Ken82,
The first bit of advice I would give you is to see your GP on your own and show your post to them.
Next, see if you can get hold of Age UK near to where you live. They should be able to provide some support and or sign posting to other services. Also, you might have a local carers association that will assist you.
I look after my Dad, he's 87 with mixed dementia.
Take care

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hello, Ken, and a warm welcome to the forum, although I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed - not a nice feeling, but one that is very understandable given your circumstances.

I am not in the same position as you, as it's my mam who has Alzheimer's. She lives at home with my dad, and I try to support him as best I can. Things are very difficult for him and it breaks my heart to see what they are both going through.

Has your wife had a care assessment? Do you have any help other than from your family? If not, then you might like to consider this as a first step. You would need to contact social services to arrange for this to happen. Or go through your wife's GP.

Do keep posting as I'm sure you will get lots of advice and emotional support from our lovely members, who between them have a wealth of experience.

 

[ken82]

Hello Ken82,
The first bit of advice I would give you is to see your GP on your own and show your post to them.
Next, see if you can get hold of Age UK near to where you live. They should be able to provide some support and or sign posting to other services. Also, you might have a local carers association that will assist you.
I look after my Dad, he's 87 with mixed dementia.
Take care

Hi Adcat .Thanks for your advice will think about it all ,had a carers assessment some time ago and set up carer cover if I am unable too. But after reading some of the posts on this forum I realize many have worse problems than I .Regards.

 

[Spamar]

Hi Ken
I am in the same position as you but younger ( me 66, OH 82) but I have health problems as well. There are no local family either.
As has been said, go to Ageuk or the Alzheimer's Society and see what's available in your area. They should be able to arrange daycare so that you can have some free time. There are also things you can do together, like singing for the brain. Tell your gp as well.
If you need ops or similar you should let your wife go into respite, in our area you can get a prescription for this. I take it you have attendance allowance and council tax reduction. You might also qualify for PIP.
Keep smiling!
S

 

[ken82]

Hello, Ken, and a warm welcome to the forum, although I'm sorry that you are feeling so overwhelmed - not a nice feeling, but one that is very understandable given your circumstances.

I am not in the same position as you, as it's my mam who has Alzheimer's. She lives at home with my dad, and I try to support him as best I can. Things are very difficult for him and it breaks my heart to see what they are both going through.

Has your wife had a care assessment? Do you have any help other than from your family? If not, then you might like to consider this as a first step. You would need to contact social services to arrange for this to happen. Or go through your wife's GP.

Do keep posting as I'm sure you will get lots of advice and emotional support from our lovely members, who between them have a wealth of experience.

Hello College Girl. Thanks for your welcome and suggestions and yes I did have an assessment some time ago and set up an emergency scheme .I feel I don't want or need any one to help to care for my wife at the present time but one does feel so vulnerable and alone at times .Although as I mentioned in an earlier post ,on this forum I see many are in worse situations than I. Thanks again and kind regards

 

[ken82]

Hi Ken
I am in the same position as you but younger ( me 66, OH 82) but I have health problems as well. There are no local family either.
As has been said, go to Ageuk or the Alzheimer's Society and see what's available in your area. They should be able to arrange daycare so that you can have some free time. There are also things you can do together, like singing for the brain. Tell your gp as well.
If you need ops or similar you should let your wife go into respite, in our area you can get a prescription for this. I take it you have attendance allowance and council tax reduction. You might also qualify for PIP.
Keep smiling!
S

Hi Spamar Thanks for your suggestions and will consider them ,the problem is regarding the suggestion singing for the brain going to such meetings would come very unusual to us .Kind regards.

 

[Beate]

They might be new territory for you but if you want to be less alone and meet other people, grab these opportunities with both hands. Singing for the brain, coffee clubs, carers forums - there are social meetings out there. You might want to meet other carers on your own, during which time your wife could use day care or a sitting service. It is no good comparing yourself to others and saying you feel they are worse off - there comes a time when you have to put your health first and accept help. Your wife isn't helped if you suffer carer breakdown. Make time for yourself - you won't be able to cope otherwise.

 

[CollegeGirl]

Hello again Ken - I'm sorry, I may have misunderstood your post. I thought you were saying that you no longer felt able to cope alone, but perhaps what you are looking for is tips on how to continue to cope alone? Is this correct? If so, my apologies!

Sadly, I'm fairly certain that if I was in your position, I wouldn't be able to cope alone, so don't really have any tips to share. I am in awe of my dad who manages to keep my mam at home - but he does have help from carers, now, plus mam goes to daycare twice a week to give him a break. These arrangements are not without their problems, I have to say, but he does seem to be managing on the whole, although it is at great personal cost to his own well being, and I don't know how he does it.

I hope you continue posting, if only that a trouble shared is a trouble halved as they say.

 

[ken82]

They might be new territory for you but if you want to be less alone and meet other people, grab these opportunities with both hands. Singing for the brain, coffee clubs, carers forums - there are social meetings out there. You might want to meet other carers on your own, during which time your wife could use day care or a sitting service. It is no good comparing yourself to others and saying you feel they are worse off - there comes a time when you have to put your health first and accept help. Your wife isn't helped if you suffer carer breakdown. Make time for yourself - you won't be able to cope otherwise.

Hello Beate .Thank you for your post I'm sure you are correct but it is hard to change a lifetime of habits and being independent .Today my daughter was suggesting and trying to persuade me exactly as you have. I know it is inevitable I will have to do something like you suggest, Thanks Ken.

 

[ken82]

Hello again Ken - I'm sorry, I may have misunderstood your post. I thought you were saying that you no longer felt able to cope alone, but perhaps what you are looking for is tips on how to continue to cope alone? Is this correct? If so, my apologies!

Sadly, I'm fairly certain that if I was in your position, I wouldn't be able to cope alone, so don't really have any tips to share. I am in awe of my dad who manages to keep my mam at home - but he does have help from carers, now, plus mam goes to daycare twice a week to give him a break. These arrangements are not without their problems, I have to say, but he does seem to be managing on the whole, although it is at great personal cost to his own well being, and I don't know how he does it.

I hope you continue posting, if only that a trouble shared is a trouble halved as they say.

Thanks ,I suppose the time is approaching when I will have to do something like your dad .It is nice to know that others care enough to help with their advice.