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How to broach subject of power of attorney ?

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by SusanL, Oct 5, 2015.

  1. SusanL

    SusanL Registered User

    Oct 5, 2015
    Although my mum has only recently been diagnosed with mixed dementia, she already has bad memory problems and becomes anxious and upset very easily. My siblings and I want to talk to her about power of attorney without upsetting her - does anyone have any suggestions?
  2. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    NW England
    Hi SusanL and welcome to talking point.

    With my mum , my brothers and I just brought up a discussion about making our own wills and how it was sensible to also have a POA in place in case of the unexpected.

    Mum joined in the conversation and said herself that if we were doing it , it might be a good idea for her as well. We booked a solicitors appointment on the spot, before she had time to forget.

    Good luck

    brambles x
  3. betsie

    betsie Registered User

    Jun 11, 2012
    I've just filled in all the forms for my mum. I am on all her bank accounts already but wanted it to be sure I can do everything needed when and if she needs full time care.

    I said it was incase she was ill and couldn't sort out her finances. Also did health one, I explained this too her by saying if she had a stroke and couldn't communicate we needed this too make sure her wishes were met otherwise without it, it would be the doctors and social services who decided.
  4. SusanL

    SusanL Registered User

    Oct 5, 2015
    Thank you both - I will try and incorporate your suggestions when
    we speak to her at the weekend.
  5. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    Try telling her that the doctor suggested it, both mum's consultant & her GP asked if she had PoA and told her it was important so saved me lots of trouble as if the idea came from me she would have been resistant. Good luck.
  6. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    I told my mum the financial POA was so I could go to the bank for her in winter, which worked better than other suggestions. Her bank were also phasing out her old bank book and going to computers which clinched it for her!
  7. piph

    piph Registered User

    Feb 4, 2013
    My mum actually asked me to get POA for her, she was struggling to understand anything financial, and was still aware that she was struggling. It was a weight off her mind knowing that she wouldn't have to deal with financial people any more. If your mum is aware that she's struggling, then I think she will probably be grateful if you offer to take over for her, and stress to her that you will only do what she feels unable to do, at least for the time being. Later on, of course, you may have to take over completely, and by then she not be so aware, but at least you will have the POA by then, so can do the right thing by her.
  8. Bessieb

    Bessieb Registered User

    Jun 2, 2014
    I was quite blunt with my parents about it in some ways but it moved the process on quickly and it was relatively upset free. They both have AD but have no insight into this but I was concerned that they were going to lose capacity so needed to have the POA's in place. I printed off all the forms and filled in as much as I could before involving them then initiated a conversation about 'in the future what would happen if you were incapacitated who would you like to make decisions for you'. They immediately said me, no question about it. I then said that in order for that to happen they needed to sign forms now and explained about POA. I also arranged for the GP to call round to certificate it whilst I was there...and my parents were fine about it. All documents signed and done quite quickly. They didn't relate it to their current medical conditions...but thought about it as a future plan if they were to have a stroke or something of the like.
    If I had left it to them or talked about it for too long I was afraid it wouldn't happen or it would be too late. I registered the POA's straight away. A year and a half down the line I have now had to start using the POA's and very glad they were already in place.
    It's hard but I would take control of the situation and try to take the stress out of the situation by doing as much as you can yourself and sorting it quickly so she doesn't have to think about it all too much.
    Good luck with it

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