How to answer accusations?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by creativesarah, Feb 13, 2015.

  1. creativesarah

    creativesarah Registered User

    My friend Celia is now visiting her Mother who has moved to a care home half an hour away from us.
    If I go with her, her mother hasn't so far got accusing, but if she goes on her own her Mum lets rip and says 'how awful she is leaving her in the home with all these strange people' and tries so make Celia feel bad about it
    What ways have people found to deal with the accusations
    What answers have you given?
    Amy suggestions will be gratefully received
     
  2. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    Hi Sarah:)

    When my friend can be like this sometimes I speak very firmly to her and say I do my very best for you, I may not always get it right but your best interests are my concern, and this seems to help.

    Other times, depending how she is, and I am;), I am more speak to her more sympathetically totally ignoring the accusation and trying to divert her to something else.

    Hope you're doing OK
    love
    Suexx:)
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,850
    Kent
    I think Sue adopts a good strategy Sarah, putting the ball in her friend's court , not admitting guilt but saying she is doing her very best for her.

    I used to blame the doctor. I told Dhiren the doctor advised this 'convalescent home' so he could rebuild his strength. Dhiren was losing his mobility at the time , and knew it, so I said his legs needed to be stronger.

    Celia needs to identify her mother's weakest point and blame that on the reason she is being cared for round the clock.

    It's not foolproof but it's the best I can suggest.
     
  4. Sue J

    Sue J Registered User

    Dec 9, 2009
    8,035
    I wonder Sarah, as she isn't accusing when you go if, when you do go can you be very vocal and positive about the home (if it is a good home;)) and verbally support Celia e.g. it is nice for Celia to know that you are well looked after but its not always easy for you I'm sure....something on those lines, you probably do that anyway:)
     
  5. Palmer22

    Palmer22 Registered User

    Feb 13, 2015
    5
    Hi everyone,

    I work in a care home and my unit specialises in dementia,

    I often get asked on a daily basis by an individual
    "Why has my daughter, son, wife, husband..etc left me here"
    Or questions of the sort,
    Obviously depending on the situation or accusation made,
    A simple answer i often give is, He/she/they would like you to be here for a while as if you was left at home on your own for an hour or so you may have a fall and there would be no one there to help you, they don't want you to get hurt and for now this is the safest place for you.

    Its very simple and it doesn't go in to detail or isn't personal but i find this initially makes them think a little and calms them down.

    :)

    Hope you find a little from reading this.

    Jodie
     
  6. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    291
    Thank you Jodie. That's perfect.
     

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