How sad to see the deterioration in someone you love

[mwd51]

My mother has been in a Dementia specialised care home, since March. She is deteriorating, both physically and in terms of the Dementia. I feel very sad to see the deterioration and how others may see her now, compared to how she was prior to the onset of Dementia. I wrote this when I came home after visiting her last week.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

I’m not what you used to see

Dementia’s got me

Dementia’s taken me.

I was a daughter, an employee, a volunteer

I taught typing, I had many friends, I loved exercising and socialising

My life way busy

I’ve been taken, kidnapped by Dementia, it’s got me and changed me.

I used to love clothes. My hair I spent hours over.

Now someone else dresses me

Those colours don’t go!

My appearance is very important to me, please brush my hair, I can’t go out like that!

I’m still a woman, I do still have my dignity.

I’m a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a home owner and member of our society.

Dementia’s swallowed me up and changed me.

I’m confused, where’s my mum? Is dad still alive? I need a new car, take me home.

You may see me as violent, rude, shouting, incontinent, confused.

That’s not me.

I’ve been kidnapped by Dementia.

I was proud

I was intelligent and funny

I was attractive.

Now all you see is Dementia, not me.

 

[YorkshireLass]

My mother has been in a Dementia specialised care home, since March. She is deteriorating, both physically and in terms of the Dementia. I feel very sad to see the deterioration and how others may see her now, compared to how she was prior to the onset of Dementia. I wrote this when I came home after visiting her last week.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

I’m not what you used to see

Dementia’s got me

Dementia’s taken me.

I was a daughter, an employee, a volunteer

I taught typing, I had many friends, I loved exercising and socialising

My life way busy

I’ve been taken, kidnapped by Dementia, it’s got me and changed me.

I used to love clothes. My hair I spent hours over.

Now someone else dresses me

Those colours don’t go!

My appearance is very important to me, please brush my hair, I can’t go out like that!

I’m still a woman, I do still have my dignity.

I’m a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a home owner and member of our society.

Dementia’s swallowed me up and changed me.

I’m confused, where’s my mum? Is dad still alive? I need a new car, take me home.

You may see me as violent, rude, shouting, incontinent, confused.

That’s not me.

I’ve been kidnapped by Dementia.

I was proud

I was intelligent and funny

I was attractive.

Now all you see is Dementia, not me.

Hi and welcome to Talking Point, I understand exactly what you are saying. My mum has been in a care home for over 18 months. After seeing so many orders of service from recent funerals and the staff at the home being astonished by the younger image of the resident I decided to put together a time line of photos depicting mum's life. Under each photo I wrote the year and mum's age at the time of the photo. From her at age 3 up to just a few years ago. Early black and white holiday snaps with her mum and dad, playing on the beach with her brother, as a teenager, a wedding photo with my dad through to her at my son and daughter's graduations and following weddings.I cried as I put it together but was rewarded when I added it to her bedroom wall and so many of the carers came to look and appreciate my mum's life. I don't want anyone to forget that my mum was just like anyone else before as you so rightly say she was "kidnapped by dementia". Thank you for your heartfelt post xxx

 

[YorkshireLass]

You have reminded me of the poem "The Crabbit Old Woman". My mum gave me a copy of this about 40 years ago when she worked in the mental health section of Social Services.
Here's a link if you haven't seen it before
https://vts.wm.hee.nhs.uk/Portals/5/Presentations/Full Day/Crabbit Old Woman.pdf

 

[Cazzita]

That must be just how it is. I am so sad for anyone with dementia, it's so horrible and does indeed swallow the person up AND the person caring for them too - or so it feels x

 

[nae sporran]

Welcome to TP @mwd51. Sorry your mum is deteriorating. It's good to remember the person we love as they are and lovely you shared that with us.

 

[Morg]

My mother has been in a Dementia specialised care home, since March. She is deteriorating, both physically and in terms of the Dementia. I feel very sad to see the deterioration and how others may see her now, compared to how she was prior to the onset of Dementia. I wrote this when I came home after visiting her last week.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

I’m not what you used to see

Dementia’s got me

Dementia’s taken me.

I was a daughter, an employee, a volunteer

I taught typing, I had many friends, I loved exercising and socialising

My life way busy

I’ve been taken, kidnapped by Dementia, it’s got me and changed me.

I used to love clothes. My hair I spent hours over.

Now someone else dresses me

Those colours don’t go!

My appearance is very important to me, please brush my hair, I can’t go out like that!

I’m still a woman, I do still have my dignity.

I’m a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a home owner and member of our society.

Dementia’s swallowed me up and changed me.

I’m confused, where’s my mum? Is dad still alive? I need a new car, take me home.

You may see me as violent, rude, shouting, incontinent, confused.

That’s not me.

I’ve been kidnapped by Dementia.

I was proud

I was intelligent and funny

I was attractive.

Now all you see is Dementia, not me.

My mother has been in a Dementia specialised care home, since March. She is deteriorating, both physically and in terms of the Dementia. I feel very sad to see the deterioration and how others may see her now, compared to how she was prior to the onset of Dementia. I wrote this when I came home after visiting her last week.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

“Hallo”, it’s me, I’m not what you see.

I’m not what you used to see

Dementia’s got me

Dementia’s taken me.

I was a daughter, an employee, a volunteer

I taught typing, I had many friends, I loved exercising and socialising

My life way busy

I’ve been taken, kidnapped by Dementia, it’s got me and changed me.

I used to love clothes. My hair I spent hours over.

Now someone else dresses me

Those colours don’t go!

My appearance is very important to me, please brush my hair, I can’t go out like that!

I’m still a woman, I do still have my dignity.

I’m a mother, a wife, a grandmother, a home owner and member of our society.

Dementia’s swallowed me up and changed me.

I’m confused, where’s my mum? Is dad still alive? I need a new car, take me home.

You may see me as violent, rude, shouting, incontinent, confused.

That’s not me.

I’ve been kidnapped by Dementia.

I was proud

I was intelligent and funny

I was attractive.

Now all you see is Dementia, not me.

This is so moving and so true. Thank you for spending the time writing those words. My mum was also a perfectly turned out lady who just recently is reluctant to change her very grubby clothes. I love the idea pf the photographic timeline I think I may use your idea to illustrate my mums life for her grandchildren. Thank you.