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How quickly things change

Vic10

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
172
A short while ago I asked ‘what does a crisis look like’.
And then one happened!
Mobility had been failing for some time and a short while ago I took the decision to move the bedroom downstairs, we have a downstairs bathroom. Then came the challenge, OH didn’t remember where the downstairs bathroom was and kept trying to go upstairs. So, stairgate, padlocked and accompanied him to loo numerous times a day for numerous weeks. For some months I have been, cleaning, washing and dressing OH and although still having the inclination to go to the loo to all intents and per poses was doubly incontinent.
So, life wasn’t exactly a breeze but we were coping.
Then one day he couldn’t stand or sit without keeling over, next day couldn’t get out of bed. Over the course of a week we have had paramedics, nurses coming daily, doctors, physios and we have gone from no Carers to 2 twice a day to 3 times a day and now 4 times a day (bill to follow!) OH now hasn’t moved from his bed (no, actually not his bed a new one supplied by nhs, all singing and dancing)for over a week, another new bed now on order that goes to the floor so he can’t fall out, which he is extremely likely to do so I can’t leave him for more than a few minutes at a time!
Now considering respite care where I’m hoping he will get more professional care and perhaps physio to see if there is any chance of regaining any mobility.
Everything has changed so fast it feels like a whirlwind has swept through leaving me battered and bruised and having lost all control!
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
955
Southampton
thats real quick and sudden did he an infection. havent lost control just others doing it instead of you but you probably feel invaded from having home for two its still home for two but more help and people coming in. must overwhelming. hope you get the respite you need
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,101
This does seem like a very fast downturn @Vic10 It's no wonder that you feel overwhelmed and need some respite. I hope you get it soon and that the professionals are good.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,672
South coast
Gosh, that is indeed quick, no wonder you are feeling overwhelmed. I wonder whether he had a small stroke?
Im glad you have got carers in to help you, even though it takes a bit of getting used to. If you can get respite this might allow you to catch your breath, but I know that it is not easy at the moment.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))))))
 

Vic10

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
172
So, tonight OH has gone to a nursing home for 2 weeks for nursing care, physio and assessment. My head says it’s the right thing to do, my heart is breaking. How sad is it that he won’t understand why or where he has gone or why I’m not there anymore. Cruel world!
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,850
@Vic10, tough though it is a couple of weeks in respite where hopefully they can try intensive physio and work out what has caused this dramatic decline sounds the best thing to do for your husband.
I assume due to covid restrictions you can't visit, and maybe that is for the best so that he can settle.
Stay strong and don't forget to look after yourself, he's in the best place for his needs.
 

Alex54

Registered User
Oct 15, 2018
323
Newtown, Wales
I took the decision to move the bedroom downstairs
This qualifies you for additional allowance on the council tax (assuming you are based in the UK). Should be able to backdate to when you made the change, just contact your local authority council tax office and ask them for the form to claim it.
 

Vic10

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
172
This qualifies you for additional allowance on the council tax (assuming you are based in the UK). Should be able to backdate to when you made the change, just contact your local authority council tax office and ask them for the form to claim it.
Thank you, will look into it
 

Nanny k

Registered User
Mar 31, 2020
36
I feel so sorry for you both . My husband was diagnosed in November last year with Vascular Dementia and he to declined very quickly.. Sadly my husband suffered severe seizures just over a month ago and I unfortunately lost him.
But I remember when thing got tough before that happened and I really didn’t want him to go in a home .. So I feel for you and totally understand how you are feeling. But everyone is right you to have to look after yourself. Being a full time Carer its hard.
 

Vic10

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
172
I feel so sorry for you both . My husband was diagnosed in November last year with Vascular Dementia and he to declined very quickly.. Sadly my husband suffered severe seizures just over a month ago and I unfortunately lost him.
But I remember when thing got tough before that happened and I really didn’t want him to go in a home .. So I feel for you and totally understand how you are feeling. But everyone is right you to have to look after yourself. Being a full time Carer its hard.
I’m so sorry for your loss,Nanny K. Thank you for your kind thoughts
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
A short while ago I asked ‘what does a crisis look like’.
And then one happened!
Mobility had been failing for some time and a short while ago I took the decision to move the bedroom downstairs, we have a downstairs bathroom. Then came the challenge, OH didn’t remember where the downstairs bathroom was and kept trying to go upstairs. So, stairgate, padlocked and accompanied him to loo numerous times a day for numerous weeks. For some months I have been, cleaning, washing and dressing OH and although still having the inclination to go to the loo to all intents and per poses was doubly incontinent.
So, life wasn’t exactly a breeze but we were coping.
Then one day he couldn’t stand or sit without keeling over, next day couldn’t get out of bed. Over the course of a week we have had paramedics, nurses coming daily, doctors, physios and we have gone from no Carers to 2 twice a day to 3 times a day and now 4 times a day (bill to follow!) OH now hasn’t moved from his bed (no, actually not his bed a new one supplied by nhs, all singing and dancing)for over a week, another new bed now on order that goes to the floor so he can’t fall out, which he is extremely likely to do so I can’t leave him for more than a few minutes at a time!
Now considering respite care where I’m hoping he will get more professional care and perhaps physio to see if there is any chance of regaining any mobility.
Everything has changed so fast it feels like a whirlwind has swept through leaving me battered and bruised and having lost all control!
So sorrey to read this
My husband when in hospital in June with suspected chest infection witch when within a day told day after he can come home i asked if he had been out of bed as when he went in it took 3 of us the night befor to hold him up.they checked and was told he can only come home if i have hospital bed and 2 cares 4 times a day there still comming.
Cut a long story short had physio unable to walk hosted back and forth to chair.he will never walk so not a good life.he was told but forgets and try's to get out so bed really low (he only gets legs out as can not push to sit up at all)or turn over when sleeping .he is 77 i am 61 .and find it really hard at moment .don't no how to go a-bought getting rest bite .how /and wether it would help as i no he wouldn't like the idea or how they do it with him being bed bound
 

Vic10

Registered User
Feb 18, 2017
172
So sorrey to read this
My husband when in hospital in June with suspected chest infection witch when within a day told day after he can come home i asked if he had been out of bed as when he went in it took 3 of us the night befor to hold him up.they checked and was told he can only come home if i have hospital bed and 2 cares 4 times a day there still comming.
Cut a long story short had physio unable to walk hosted back and forth to chair.he will never walk so not a good life.he was told but forgets and try's to get out so bed really low (he only gets legs out as can not push to sit up at all)or turn over when sleeping .he is 77 i am 61 .and find it really hard at moment .don't no how to go a-bought getting rest bite .how /and wether it would help as i no he wouldn't like the idea or how they do it with him being bed bound
So sorry you are going through this alone , Vanessa, your situation sounds very similar to what happened with my OH. I have had very good support which started with Occupational Therapy,I rang them and told them the mobility problems , they came out to see and help and they got the district nurse involved who in turn got the doctor and social services involved all of whom have been really supportive. My OH is self funding which may well make a difference, naturally don’t know if your circumstances are the same or not but I would strongly recommend that you contact OT or social services and tell them you need help.
I hope you find some support, I certainly couldn’t have managed alone. x