hello- this is my first post. My mother has been in a dementia care home for almost 2 years and now has very advanced Alzheimer's. The home, which is only 15 mins from my home is caring and mother is physically looked after very well. For the 5 years before she went into the home she was extremely dependent on me and my life became extremely stressful and exhausting. Since she went into the home, obviously my life has improved hugely and I feel as though I have my freedom back.As an only "child" I have always been very concerned to do the best I can for my mother and always felt very loved. The situation I am in now, is that I feel as though my visits don't do either her or me any good. If she is awake when I visit, she tends to become very agitated. Today she tipped a cup of tea over me, pinched my arm, pulled my ear and pushed me out of her room. She rarely says anything coherent and sometimes just closes her eyes when I arrive. I guess her agitation is because she isn't able to speak to me. I visit 3 or 4 times each week, sometimes only briefly if she is asleep. My visits sometimes reassure me, but more often than not are very uspsetting . Looking at other posts on this thread I can see that other people have similar feelings after visits. I suppose I am looking for some reassurance that it would be OK to visit less often. Or should I keep going very regularly even though it seems to distress her?