Hello all first time post at a crossroads stage......
My mother is 53 years of age and was diagnosed with vascular dementia just over two and a half years ago and in view of what we know now has had symptoms for 4-5 years. Mum lives at home with my father who is slightly older mid sixties who is paralysed down the left hand side due to a major stroke back in 1996 because of this the stroke has affected the reasoning part of his brain and he can become quite argumentative, as you can understand not compatible with someone suffering from dementia, however he can also be very warm and caring at most other times.
At the moment we are blessed that mum can still walk and talk even if what mum says is not understandable to the majority of people we are able to asses if she’s in any pain, although recently mum just closes her eyes she’s not sleeping I call it standby mode maybe is it the brains way of conserving what’s left. Mums mobility has not been affected but the consultant was amazed at the damage on the scan apparently you could see the damage from several feet (18months ago) that mums mobility hadn’t been affected although over the last month mum keeps bumping into things and when we get her dressed her balance is not as good as it was.
Over the last six months we have been in receipt of direct payments an EXCELLENT SCHEME that has allowed us to personally choose a caregiver we employed someone via an advert in the local newspaper we even managed to choose a lady close to mums age it has worked well they sing along to the old motown music although mum sings out of tune (always did) and go for walks to the shops, me and my sister cover on evenings and weekends. However my father finds it quite difficult to adapt to an outsider being in his house I think he wants to care for his wife and control his environment (my dad is involved in all activities that the carer does). A couple of days ago my father has demanded that the caregiver leave the house as she is interfering as he puts it, I have had to put the poor lady on holiday pay while we decide what to do next.
There are some comical situations that occur that unfortunately have a serious side also. Mum takes dads walking stick from time to time and also hides my dads keys/personal belongings and recently has a tendency to move the telephone also mums most popular phrase recently is I’m gonna hit him on the head and squash him and over the last couple of months mum has become quite aggressive and this is channelled towards my father mainly who in turn has a go back. Another situation that has happened over the last month my father was hurling abuse at the caregiver and then my mother joined in and backed the the caregiver into a corner.
It seems that it is impossible for a care package to work in the house unless it is me or my sister doing the caring. These are our options employ someone from an agency to just administer medication and heat meals up, however this would leave huge amounts of hrs in the day where things could go wrong, dad likes to book the ring and ride/taxi service and try and take mum out however he could do this 12 months ago but now mum would just wonder off. Another option is me and my sister return to looking after our parents.
A specialist dementia home, I visited one on Friday the majority of the patients were in their seventies and older and their was one employee to six patients in the daytime. I was impressed that i did not need to make an appointment and that they told me i could turn up any time 8 till 5 and see the operation in action. The home has a policy that they allows patients to wander and there is no set bedtime schedule if they wake in the middle of the night they take them for a walk, find this hard to imagine with so many patients and so few staff. On the whole I was able to take many positives from my visit.
Find a working age dementia unit, there are only 250 people of working age in westmidlands contacting working/age team tomm to find out more about situation .However does it really matter about an individuals age you could have an eighty year old who is at a less advanced stage than my mother.
When I was at uni i did a module on probability and my conclusion is that there is as much scope for things to go wrong in a dementia unit as in the family home. The main difference is you take the burden off yourself and family and place it on a care home but then you still worry about the quality of care in the nursing home.
I suppose it all boils down to quality of life how can I ensure that my mother and father have that, and also myself and my sister DECISIONS DECISIONS
Couple of questions if I may
**************************************************************
If someone with dementia enters a home at my mother’s stage is it better to introduce them gradually or just throw them in and hope they swim?
What are some of the medical issues/concerns dealing with a person at an advanced stage in the family home?
What are people’s experiences of employment nursecare agencies positive and negative?
***************************************************************
Thanks fes
My mother is 53 years of age and was diagnosed with vascular dementia just over two and a half years ago and in view of what we know now has had symptoms for 4-5 years. Mum lives at home with my father who is slightly older mid sixties who is paralysed down the left hand side due to a major stroke back in 1996 because of this the stroke has affected the reasoning part of his brain and he can become quite argumentative, as you can understand not compatible with someone suffering from dementia, however he can also be very warm and caring at most other times.
At the moment we are blessed that mum can still walk and talk even if what mum says is not understandable to the majority of people we are able to asses if she’s in any pain, although recently mum just closes her eyes she’s not sleeping I call it standby mode maybe is it the brains way of conserving what’s left. Mums mobility has not been affected but the consultant was amazed at the damage on the scan apparently you could see the damage from several feet (18months ago) that mums mobility hadn’t been affected although over the last month mum keeps bumping into things and when we get her dressed her balance is not as good as it was.
Over the last six months we have been in receipt of direct payments an EXCELLENT SCHEME that has allowed us to personally choose a caregiver we employed someone via an advert in the local newspaper we even managed to choose a lady close to mums age it has worked well they sing along to the old motown music although mum sings out of tune (always did) and go for walks to the shops, me and my sister cover on evenings and weekends. However my father finds it quite difficult to adapt to an outsider being in his house I think he wants to care for his wife and control his environment (my dad is involved in all activities that the carer does). A couple of days ago my father has demanded that the caregiver leave the house as she is interfering as he puts it, I have had to put the poor lady on holiday pay while we decide what to do next.
There are some comical situations that occur that unfortunately have a serious side also. Mum takes dads walking stick from time to time and also hides my dads keys/personal belongings and recently has a tendency to move the telephone also mums most popular phrase recently is I’m gonna hit him on the head and squash him and over the last couple of months mum has become quite aggressive and this is channelled towards my father mainly who in turn has a go back. Another situation that has happened over the last month my father was hurling abuse at the caregiver and then my mother joined in and backed the the caregiver into a corner.
It seems that it is impossible for a care package to work in the house unless it is me or my sister doing the caring. These are our options employ someone from an agency to just administer medication and heat meals up, however this would leave huge amounts of hrs in the day where things could go wrong, dad likes to book the ring and ride/taxi service and try and take mum out however he could do this 12 months ago but now mum would just wonder off. Another option is me and my sister return to looking after our parents.
A specialist dementia home, I visited one on Friday the majority of the patients were in their seventies and older and their was one employee to six patients in the daytime. I was impressed that i did not need to make an appointment and that they told me i could turn up any time 8 till 5 and see the operation in action. The home has a policy that they allows patients to wander and there is no set bedtime schedule if they wake in the middle of the night they take them for a walk, find this hard to imagine with so many patients and so few staff. On the whole I was able to take many positives from my visit.
Find a working age dementia unit, there are only 250 people of working age in westmidlands contacting working/age team tomm to find out more about situation .However does it really matter about an individuals age you could have an eighty year old who is at a less advanced stage than my mother.
When I was at uni i did a module on probability and my conclusion is that there is as much scope for things to go wrong in a dementia unit as in the family home. The main difference is you take the burden off yourself and family and place it on a care home but then you still worry about the quality of care in the nursing home.
I suppose it all boils down to quality of life how can I ensure that my mother and father have that, and also myself and my sister DECISIONS DECISIONS
Couple of questions if I may
**************************************************************
If someone with dementia enters a home at my mother’s stage is it better to introduce them gradually or just throw them in and hope they swim?
What are some of the medical issues/concerns dealing with a person at an advanced stage in the family home?
What are people’s experiences of employment nursecare agencies positive and negative?
***************************************************************
Thanks fes
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