How much more?

[AnneD]

Reading other posts - it must be the time of year.

I am having a really tough time at work - been there for 27 years and a new boss came in September - as her PA she is now expecting me to minute every meeting she has which means I have at least an additional 6 hrs a week work, but no increase in hours. I am desperate to get out and trying for another job (I have applied for one with less hours and less hourly rate - my husband says we can't afford it but I think it will be better than no money when i walk out! I did walk out last Friday as i couldn't stand it any more - my boss is very demanding and seems to have a blame culture - there is no way but her way.

On top of this Mum is deteriorating - on Thursday she was so upset - crying and telling me she had wet the bed and the carers were like wardens in a prison (I am certain this is not the case). I went into work totally drained.

Today, i thought she would be much better as my son came with me - he lives away from home and hasn't been back since Christmas. They adore each other and have a very close bond, but it made no difference - I was blamed for everything as always and even he couldn't snap her out of it. It is so hard when I love her so much but can't do anything to help her with this dreadful illness.

I am alone all week as my husband works away from home. Yesterday, i ended up at the Doctors for anti-depressants just to get me through it all. When will it end?

Rant over!

Anne

 

[sah]

Just a thought - when I went to work related training on the disabilty act- I was told that I had rights as a carer. Not sure exactly what-I know there are others on here who have better knowledge-but one thing the trainer said was that a carer should be treated as if they had the same disability as the one being cared for. ( That raised a smile from my new boss-who is great!)

Maybe ask for advice from the local AD group? Or CAB? Obviously need to know exactly where you stand - but my previous boss began to put horrendous pressure on me once he knew about husband's diagnosis. Involved the union coming in and me threatening them with constructive dismissal- he thought I wouldn't be able to do the job so wanted me out. The day I got a new job and told him where to stick his-especially as it was at a higher level-was very satisfying.

But I do know it's a horrible place to be in and you should take advice. No one should have to put up with work place bullying-whether a carer or not! You also shouldn't have to damage your own finances because of this. Hope things get better.

 

[Miss Merlot]

Hate to sound like the harsh voice of reality, but...

"Just" 6 hours overtime a week...?? Am sorry to say, but in these insecure days that is perfectly normal nowadays, in fact I can easily accumulate that in just that in half a week! Sadly, times have changed in the last 27 years...

I do happen to like my job, but even if I didn't, I doubt I would have much choice in the matter when it comes to unpaid overtime, if I didn't want to find myself suddenly on the dole...

And yes, I also care for my MIL, so I really do feel your pain (mine is increased by a 2 - 3 hour commute time each day).

I really wish you luck in your job hunt, but - working for a recruitment company - I would honestly suggest keeping your head down for the time being if you want any job rather than none, particularly if you work in a non-specialised industry..

You may well find that, in this day in age, you find yourself jumping from the frying pan into the fire....

That said, I would echo others' advice about speaking to your boss - I've always found mine to be very understanding, when poo hit the fan with MIL.... Everyone - even evil bosses - has a mum or a dad, at the end of the day...

 

[jasmineflower]

Reading other posts - it must be the time of year.

I am having a really tough time at work - been there for 27 years and a new boss came in September - as her PA she is now expecting me to minute every meeting she has which means I have at least an additional 6 hrs a week work, but no increase in hours. I am desperate to get out and trying for another job (I have applied for one with less hours and less hourly rate - my husband says we can't afford it but I think it will be better than no money when i walk out! I did walk out last Friday as i couldn't stand it any more - my boss is very demanding and seems to have a blame culture - there is no way but her way.

On top of this Mum is deteriorating - on Thursday she was so upset - crying and telling me she had wet the bed and the carers were like wardens in a prison (I am certain this is not the case). I went into work totally drained.

Today, i thought she would be much better as my son came with me - he lives away from home and hasn't been back since Christmas. They adore each other and have a very close bond, but it made no difference - I was blamed for everything as always and even he couldn't snap her out of it. It is so hard when I love her so much but can't do anything to help her with this dreadful illness.

I am alone all week as my husband works away from home. Yesterday, i ended up at the Doctors for anti-depressants just to get me through it all. When will it end?

Rant over!

Anne

Hi Anne,
Sorry to hear that you are having such a bad time at the moment. You can just about manage with your mum, but then when work goes bad too, then it all falls apart, doesn't it?

Is there any way you can take the initiative with your boss? Could you ask for a meeting (perhaps before work when it is quiet) and explain calmly that minuting her meetings means an unacceptable increase in your workload. You want to do a good job for her, but you are now worried that the increase in volume will mean that the quality of your work will start to suffer. Ask her if you could work together to find a solution. Can you think laterally about the problem? is there anything that you can suggest that can ease your workload? Can something be automated? Can any menial tasks be given to someone else? If you don't think that you can do your job in less than this extra 6 hours, ask to be paid overtime. The way that your boss handles your request will give you an indication whether you should be looking for another job, or not.

Try to be calm but assertive.

The same goes with your mum: when she starts blaming you and being unkind to you just tell her that the behaviour is not acceptable and that you will leave if she carries on. If she does carry on, then leave and go back later. You will probably find that she has forgotten what it was that she was upset about. You don't deserve to be treated badly and your mum should know when she has pushed you too far.

Hope you find some answers.
Hugs
Jenny

 

[sah]

I'd support Miss Merlot's advice as well. My son is job hunting and it's not a good time to be out of work...really tough out there at the moment.

 

[Isabella41]

Hi Anne
I do sympathise with you fully. Its a hard juggling act to do what you have to do in work and be a carer at the same time and do all this on your own as your husband works away.

The law states that if you have a dependent adult or child reasonable adjustments must be made to allow you to care for them. You could try asking your firm if they would consider reducing your hours.

With regards to having to work 6 hours extra every week (i'm assuming unpaid) this is a real sticky wicket. There is hardly a job in the land right now that does not expect staff to go a bit further than they would have a few years ago but 6 hours per week is excessive in my book. If you speak to your boss it could go 2 ways. She could acknowledge the extra work and assign someone else to help you or she could tell you that if you can't do your work in the alloted 37 1/2 hours then you are free to leave and she will find someone who can.

If you leave your job and go to a new post you are on shaky ground. You have no way of knowing if a new place would be better - it could be worse. You will be on probation for a period and not have the same level of job security you have from being in your current post so long.

Personally when i'm stressed out I find it hard to think rationally and perhaps you need some 'me' time right now to gather your own thoughts. You mentioned your son has moved back. Could he look after mum for a day to allow you to take a day away somewhere so you can think things through and be just you for the day.

Isabella

 

[AnneD]

Thanks for all your advice.
Just to clarify Miss Merlot, when I say 6 hours overtime - I actually mean minuting meetings for an extra six hours and then have to type them up - this is all in addition to my normal duties that I have always done. And no, i don't get extra pay for it!

Since September I have worked an extra 120+ hours. I have always loved my job but unfortunately the new boss has such an attitude and she has upset most of the staff so it's not just me! She also is not interested in any personal circumstances at all, and has one rule for herself and another for the rest of the staff! She "worked" from home for a day before Christmas to go to her son's Christmas concert but when I have asked if I can work from home for a couple of hours to try to type minutes in peace and quiet and to catch up, she has refused and says it sets a precedence! Whilst i understand her wanting to see her son's concert I do think it should work both ways.

 

[stressed51]

AnneD, hi and sorry to hear of your troubles. An understanding boss does certainly make all the difference. Yes you do have rights as a carer but I don't know how far you would get in these uncertain times. I would certainly take steps to look for employment elsewhere, otherwise it's going to tip you over the edge. I had an amazing boss when my OH deteriorated last year and even when he was first diagnosed, was wonderful to have such good support and made me feel more able to continue in employment, whilst also caring for my OH. Unfortunately my current boss is nowhere near as understanding, never asks how I'm coping or if things are ok. I know it's that my OH has deteriorated to such an extent that he's had to go into f/t care with the guilt and stress that entails, which has led me onto antidepressants. However a kind word or thought, here and there would certainly have helped. I certainly know first hand that the wonderful support I had from my previous bosses made a massive difference. Coincidently they were both female and the current one is male, appears to have no understanding of the stresses dementia imposes, don't know if that is why, but every day I'm hoping it will be my week to win the lottery! Best wishes to you, I know what you're going through x

 

[AnneD]

Hi Stressed51

I wish i could win the lottery too - at least I could tell her what to do with her job. Interestingly, my previous boss was a male and he was much more understanding. From the beginning of June until Mum went into a CH on my birthday at the end of July I was visiting her every day in hospital and he was more than happy for me to pop out to see her at afternoon visiting. He knew that I have always gone above and beyond for the school we work in and would make sure all the work was done. How i wish he was still my boss! I never thought one person could make such a difference.

Thanks for your support - hope you sort your boss out too!

Anne D