• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

How much more ....

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,803
South East
Great to hear a possible Fairy Godfather ...... about time you had a little helping hand or two . Sleep well , take care
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Sorry to hear you have been going through it all again. I hope someone is keeping that torch alight for you
I wish last year i'd known about Admiral Nurses... i was referred by PCT ; wasn't sure what to expect but the lovely lady has phoned me twice now in less than a week !
Actually has helped me keep hold of my frazzled sanity with the ongoing Aged Mother issues!
Does feel a bit de ja vu ... especially as care issues with Dad started this time last year!
💕
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Well Him indoors & The Daughter went down on Sunday -
mission impossible - the search for the missing keys
Yep Aged Mother has lost her front door key & both key fobs for the electric garage door!
😳
Electrics fuse box , Gas boiler & freezer full of home cooked meals all in the garage & no other access to it !!!

Icing on the cake pack of 100 hearing aid batteries missing- Aged Mother can't hear a thing !

NADA! no sign of any of it..... !!!

So monday i spent the day
arranging to collect hearing aid batteries ✔


arranging with the carers to liaise with lovely
chap about the doors ✔
(- not often you find such helpfulness & understanding in arranging essential emergency repairs long distance & working around the issues of dementia care
Again Many Thanks)

lovely support call from " Admiral Nurse'✔
(- an invaluable support angel on the end of a phone, which i wish i had known about & had access to last year)

positive conversation with Care Agency ✔
(- lovely to be working towards the same goals getting Aged Mother more care, i count my self very lucky to have this agency looking after Mum)

soo......
Tuesday ....... yep Aged Mother a wandering & pestering neighbours & getting annoyed that her reality isn't theirs!
Honestly i feel so sorry for Aged Mothers neighbours - she's turned into the neighbour from hell! I know only too well that Dementia is a progressive illness & those afflicted with it need to be sympathetically treated & im full of admiration & gratitude for the patience & consideration that the neighbours thshow.... BUT .... Aged Mothers behaviour is impacting others & is a repetitive daily issue & as shes becoming more agitated & uncooperative her language & response to any guidance back to her own home is escalating.

Heck I'm afraid of her outbursts & wont visit on my own.

Today really for me is the point when enough is enough - all I need is a proper assessment of needs & confirmation from Mental Health Team of type & level of care to meet the increasing agitated behaviour & I am ready to sign the dotted line .

It's so sad that this type of mental health issues that Dementia presents isn't always supported .
How sad to advise Aged Mothers neighbours that they call the police if the carers can't get out to sort Aged Mother out; an action they feel awkward about & understandably so.

Aged Mother was diagnosed in 2014 , we didn't find this out until 2018- even though LPA was done in 2016.
It's been a constant battle trying to access appropriate care especially without the support & help of Aged Mothers GP.
I would change surgery but i now gave a perverse need to see how much more unsupportive this GP can be ... plus better the devil you know ! At least nothing is expected so you know you are on your own trying to forge forward & create a support network of professionals who do actually care.

I don't recognise the person in the mirror anymore - Aged Mother & I have that in common now but for totally different reasons.
Everyday i try to do something for me , i'm preserving / pickling & cooking - glass of wine & audio book on ; carving a little bit of normality amongst the ongoing madness & disruption that dementia creates.

The support , understanding, compassion & kindness from unexpected quarters , from total strangers gives me hope that soon i won't be worrying 24/7 what Aged Mother is up to.
What totally saddens me is that it didn't have to be this way.
So many options shot down by Aged Mother over the years. Mental health issues affecting all her life choices & the impact of those decisions marking so many.

I love my Aged Mother , don't get me wrong but there are many aspects of her character that i don't like. The fractured relationship we have is more damaged now than ever. The issues of Mum not being able to have children , my adoption , Mums jealousy of the relationship i had with Dad , ( mums jealousy of any female in the family ) the lies she told, the cruelty words can inflict & the inability to show love towards me to my face, & lastly the beatings for unknown reasons not only to myself but often to Mum; all these unresolved issues now haunt Aged Mother & she wanders lost looking for what never existed.
I can't solve these issues that torment - i've tried to get Aged Mother the help she requires & now time has come to face the fact that 24 hour care is required not only for her safety but for others .

No longer can i impose on the kindness of others - there has to be some sort of balance in life.

One hopes for a natural conclusion , the ultimate kindness , the resolution, peace.

A diagnosis of dementia should be treated with the same compassion & duty of care as other terminal illnesses.

So to all those lovely folks who have supported me, gone out of their way to help, a stranger going above & beyond the call of duty or job requirements ..... you are shining a light onto the plight of those with dementia.

To those (🤬) who do not fulfil their duty of care , be aware that access to information about what care is available is now more forth coming from wonderful charities/ advocates/ societies.
Dementia isn't just a social care issue & cannot be labelled as such anymore. It's a multidisciplinary team issue , a terminal disease & needs to be treated as such. So i will light another candle or three & along with others help & compassion the future will look brighter

Things are starting to change .....
only 899 candles to go folks ( Ongoing joke!)
💕💕💕😳😳😳
 
Last edited by a moderator:

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
1,795
cornwall
Well Him indoors & The Daughter went down on Sunday -
mission impossible - the search for the missing keys
Yep Aged Mother has lost her front door key & both key fobs for the electric garage door!
😳
Electrics fuse box , Gas boiler & freezer full of home cooked meals all in the garage & no other access to it !!!

Icing on the cake pack of 100 hearing aid batteries missing- Aged Mother can't hear a thing !

NADA! no sign of any of it..... !!!

So monday i spent the day
arranging to collect hearing aid batteries ✔

arranging with the carers to liaise with lovely
chap about the doors ✔
(- not often you find such helpfulness & understanding in arranging essential emergency repairs long distance & working around the issues of dementia care
Again Many Thanks)

lovely support call from " Admiral Nurse'✔
(- an invaluable support angel on the end of a phone, which i wish i had known about & had access to last year)

positive conversation with Care Agency ✔
(- lovely to be working towards the same goals getting Aged Mother more care, i count my self very lucky to have this agency looking after Mum)

soo......
Tuesday ....... yep Aged Mother a wandering & pestering neighbours & getting annoyed that her reality isn't theirs!
Honestly i feel so sorry for Aged Mothers neighbours - she's turned into the neighbour from hell! I know only too well that Dementia is a progressive illness & those afflicted with it need to be sympathetically treated & im full of admiration & gratitude for the patience & consideration that the neighbours thshow.... BUT .... Aged Mothers behaviour is impacting others & is a repetitive daily issue & as shes becoming more agitated & uncooperative her language & response to any guidance back to her own home is escalating.

Heck I'm afraid of her outbursts & wont visit on my own.

Today really for me is the point when enough is enough - all I need is a proper assessment of needs & confirmation from Mental Health Team of type & level of care to meet the increasing agitated behaviour & I am ready to sign the dotted line .

It's so sad that this type of mental health issues that Dementia presents isn't always supported .
How sad to advise Aged Mothers neighbours that they call the police if the carers can't get out to sort Aged Mother out; an action they feel awkward about & understandably so.

Aged Mother was diagnosed in 2014 , we didn't find this out until 2018- even though LPA was done in 2016.
It's been a constant battle trying to access appropriate care especially without the support & help of Aged Mothers GP.
I would change surgery but i now gave a perverse need to see how much more unsupportive this GP can be ... plus better the devil you know ! At least nothing is expected so you know you are on your own trying to forge forward & create a support network of professionals who do actually care.

I don't recognise the person in the mirror anymore - Aged Mother & I have that in common now but for totally different reasons.
Everyday i try to do something for me , i'm preserving / pickling & cooking - glass of wine & audio book on ; carving a little bit of normality amongst the ongoing madness & disruption that dementia creates.

The support , understanding, compassion & kindness from unexpected quarters , from total strangers gives me hope that soon i won't be worrying 24/7 what Aged Mother is up to.
What totally saddens me is that it didn't have to be this way.
So many options shot down by Aged Mother over the years. Mental health issues affecting all her life choices & the impact of those decisions marking so many.

I love my Aged Mother , don't get me wrong but there are many aspects of her character that i don't like. The fractured relationship we have is more damaged now than ever. The issues of Mum not being able to have children , my adoption , Mums jealousy of the relationship i had with Dad , ( mums jealousy of any female in the family ) the lies she told, the cruelty words can inflict & the inability to show love towards me to my face, & lastly the beatings for unknown reasons not only to myself but often to Mum; all these unresolved issues now haunt Aged Mother & she wanders lost looking for what never existed.
I can't solve these issues that torment - i've tried to get Aged Mother the help she requires & now time has come to face the fact that 24 hour care is required not only for her safety but for others .

No longer can i impose on the kindness of others - there has to be some sort of balance in life.

One hopes for a natural conclusion , the ultimate kindness , the resolution, peace.

A diagnosis of dementia should be treated with the same compassion & duty of care as other terminal illnesses.

So to all those lovely folks who have supported me, gone out of their way to help, a stranger going above & beyond the call of duty or job requirements ..... you are shining a light onto the plight of those with dementia.

To those (🤬) who do not fulfil their duty of care , be aware that access to information about what care is available is now more forth coming from wonderful charities/ advocates/ societies.
Dementia isn't just a social care issue & cannot be labelled as such anymore. It's a multidisciplinary team issue , a terminal disease & needs to be treated as such. So i will light another candle or three & along with others help & compassion the future will look brighter

Things are starting to change .....
only 899 candles to go folks ( Ongoing joke!)
💕💕💕😳😳😳
Hi. I’m sorry to hear of your ongoing issues. Especially with the GP! You would hope by now that everyone would be working together..Apparently not!

I can understand where you are coming from with your mum about some of her aspects of her personality.
Take care of yourself 😀
 
Last edited by a moderator:

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Hi. I’m sorry to hear of your ongoing issues. Especially with the GP! You would hope by now that everyone would be working together..Apparently not!

I can understand where you are coming from with your mum about some of her aspects of her personality.
Take care of yourself 😀
💕🥰💕
 

Duggies-girl

Registered User
Sep 6, 2017
2,102
Oh dear, it all sounds horrible. I don't know where you get the strength. I think I would have caved by now.

The GP sounds useless.

I really hope things improve and well done for persevering with the pickling. I would have thrown it all out of the window by now.

Hugs.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
966
Southampton
i have sat here for a while thinking of a reply to all that you have gone through and can only admire your staying power and always thinking of what would be the best care for your mum. a lot of people would have walked away and kept walking but you stayed to see it through. its hard when your mum is not able to bond and love to being cruel, i know my mum gave birth to me and she told me that she never bonded with me and was one half of the abusive duo. mum died 16 years ago and i wont have any contact with the other part of the duo. i couldnt do what youve been doing and i wouldnt care either. my childhood and adulthood have been ruined by them, try to have a life you want and do nice things for yourself. you deserve it and i hope life gets better. its almost like if people cant see a physical illness it doesnt exist be it dementia or mental health.i hope i havent overstepped the mark and wish you contentment and happiness from now on. i admire you and wish you well jenny
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,691
South coast
It sounds to me like that crisis is not too far off.......

People with dementia (and other MH issues) often sabotage efforts to help them as they dont understand that they need them. My mum was the same and its like shooting yourself in the foot. Mum also used to cause no end of problems with the neighbours too. In mums case the problem was not the GP (who agreed with me that she needed a care home), but SS who said that they had to respect her decision to refuse care :mad: Eventually, she had a TIA that landed her in hospital and went from there to a care home.
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
i have sat here for a while thinking of a reply to all that you have gone through and can only admire your staying power and always thinking of what would be the best care for your mum. a lot of people would have walked away and kept walking but you stayed to see it through. its hard when your mum is not able to bond and love to being cruel, i know my mum gave birth to me and she told me that she never bonded with me and was one half of the abusive duo. mum died 16 years ago and i wont have any contact with the other part of the duo. i couldnt do what youve been doing and i wouldnt care either. my childhood and adulthood have been ruined by them, try to have a life you want and do nice things for yourself. you deserve it and i hope life gets better. its almost like if people cant see a physical illness it doesnt exist be it dementia or mental health.i hope i havent overstepped the mark and wish you contentment and happiness from now on. i admire you and wish you well jenny
💕Your post was so honest & heartfelt that offence couldn't possibly be taken 💕
by sharing my journey with others I appreciate learning of another's experience
💕
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
It sounds to me like that crisis is not too far off.......

People with dementia (and other MH issues) often sabotage efforts to help them as they dont understand that they need them. My mum was the same and its like shooting yourself in the foot. Mum also used to cause no end of problems with the neighbours too. In mums case the problem was not the GP (who agreed with me that she needed a care home), but SS who said that they had to respect her decision to refuse care :mad: Eventually, she had a TIA that landed her in hospital and went from there to a care home.
It's a funny old path through life at times isn't it
Will be cooking today & stocking up cupboards with home made goodies!
Actually going out for a walk & my first bought coffee in years tomorrow - Socially distanced of course !
stupidly excited about that !
💕💕💕
Hope all well your end
xx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
Oh dear, it all sounds horrible. I don't know where you get the strength. I think I would have caved by now.

The GP sounds useless.

I really hope things improve and well done for persevering with the pickling. I would have thrown it all out of the window by now.

Hugs.
As life's a bit of a pickle atm, pickling seems an apt occupation ! 🙃
Chilli jam today with all the trimmed up windfalls!
Yummy!
💕
xx
 

DesperateofDevon

Registered User
Jul 7, 2019
2,742
well another day another fall - that's 3 falls in less than a week.
Still waiting for the GP to contact me.... as if that's going to happen?
The social worker did a visit yesterday but couldn't get mental health team to accompany her ( welcome to my life )
Still waiting for a reply from Memtal Health team to contact me - not sure that's ever going to happen now either!
( a little puzzled as these folks are all able to go on holiday but not actually pick up a phone or visit)
Likewise Safeguarding are very quiet - passed it onto local level to be dealt with !

Aged Mother was found on the wet ground in the garden by a carer after Aged Mother had verbally abused the next door neighbour several times !

So it's now me & the social worker putting more pressure onto the GP & Mental Health Team to actually pull their fingers out before we end up with a tabloid headline.

Aged Mother has been deemed competent as she knew how many times a day the carers come in etc ! Fluctuating capacity is an absolute nightmare to prove it seems ...

Honestly I feel so sorry for the neighbours - Aged Mother is making their lives unbearable with the abusive behaviour.
How much more ... ?
 

Woo2

Registered User
Apr 30, 2019
2,803
South East
:rolleyes:I’m so sorry , this really is shocking , does it not border on neglect on their behalf ?! Or can they just put it all down to capacity . Her Gp needs a rocket up the proverbial and a re read of his duties to his patients . Fingers crossed you get somewhere soon .
 

Bikerbeth

Registered User
Feb 11, 2019
1,642
Bedford
I wish I didn’t believe it but I do. I do wonder if there are any good locations in the uk with joined up thinking or just some regions that are not as bad as others.
no bright ideas just sending you some hugs
 

Sarasa

Registered User
Apr 13, 2018
1,875
Hi @DesperateofDevon, what a nightmare. Has the neighbour phoned social services to report a vulnerable adult as a neighbour? It might help had weight to getting things sorted as would her phoning the police next time she is shouted at by your mother. Mine was totally vile to her neighbours and accused them of all sorts of things , so much so that they had no choice but to call the police. The police were great with mum and with them contacting social services, it all added to the picture of someone unsafe on their own.