How much more does she have to go through?


Registered User
Sep 19, 2005
After all the problems with mum in that horrid Assessment Hospital we thought she would be fine in her new home.

She was fine for a few days and then we had a call to say she had been attempting to climb the fence and then she tried to get out of the window. She took her clothes off and went in other rooms to wake them.
We spoke to the manager and was told she needed more medication at these times.
She has Vascular Dementia and this is what happens each time it " FLARES UP ".
They asked if mum had always been a busy lady as it seems that she will never be still, she has always got to be on the move.

Mum is now in hospital because she was found lying in the hallway at 5-45 am yesterday. She had fallen and she has broken her hip. She is having surgery today.

Yesterday was awful for her, she is very confused and frightened. She wouldn't take any medication, she wouldn't eat or drink and she was constantly trying to get out of bed and then screaming out in pain.

I phoned the hospital this morning and was told she had had a very rough night, she even pulled the drip out of her hand.
We could see that was going to happen as she tried tugging at it while we were there.

It's just so sad to see mum in the state she is in. How much more suffering has she got to go through ?

Has anyone else been in this situation, any advice please?


Registered User
Sep 16, 2005
Haven't been in the same Dad hasn't fallen and broken his hip...but the first time i found him after a fall...i found him lying on the floor of his ensuite bathroom he had at the respite care home he was in at the time...

He was scrabbling in his own blood and as he had cut his head and ear somehow there was blood everywhere....he couldn't get up and he looked so lost and frightened....the screaming distress that went through me, to see him like that...I'll never forget it!

So if it helps...I know how that feels.

That was about 3 years ago get stronger over time...if you get given time...I guess as Dad is only 63...he can take a lot more beating up then can an older person with dementia...

He's had other falls, he had to wear a helmet for a long time to protect his head...for some reason when he falls he always hits his head!

Nowadays he can't get up by himself so he can't fall anymore...

God I am depressing and I was trying to be helpful!

But I will say again, though it is not much get stronger and I pray that like my Dad your Mum gets lets distressed about things with time too...the last year we have been blessed as he is rarely upset anymore...that can be hard too as he has slipped further away from us as he spends more time in his own world...but its better for him I think...


Registered User
Mar 12, 2005
West Sussex
I have, fortunately not been in the exact position, but when Mum was in hospital overnight and had some tests done, she was very distressed and had no idea what was going on.

All she knew was that she was in pain and everything we tried seemed to frighten her more.

She was eventually given sedation to get some relief from the physical and mental pain.

All I can do is send my love and support to you both.



Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
My mother also had distress situation like your mother

so when I frist came to TP I use to read Jc mantra
The mantra that gets me through the bad times:
"This too in time will pass... This too in time will pass...."

I also felt like that
how much more does she have to go through

Now the time has pass & those words of wisdom
jc141265"This too in time will pass... This too in time will pass....
Is so true , even if does not feel like it in that moment when its happening


Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
I have been in a similar situation in as much as mum was in hospital, needed to take medication, and needed a blood transfusion and to keep an oxygen mask on at all times. Mum was terrified. Of course she would calm down for all of 5 minutes when I reassured her nothing bad was going to happen, but after 5 minutes she had forgotten what I had told her, and she was off to go again, trying to leave etc. etc.,

I am still smarting over the dreadful standard of care, but that’s another story.

The only way we could keep the drip in mum was to stay with her the whole time; she needed 4 units of blood that took in all over 12 hours to run through. We took it in shifts.

With regard the medication, we explained at length that unless watched very carefully she will pretend to take them, then spit them out. We found dozens behind her bed (just goes to show how often the cleaner put in an appearance).

The nurses even left mums medication on her locker for mum to 'help herself', Saints preserve us.

She had many escape attempts, even got as far as the lift on one occasion, luckily, the lift I was just getting out of!

In short, I think when it comes to hospital care, expect nothing, and try and do as much as you can yourself. If that is impossible, request that mum has a 'special' nurse; you probably won’t get very far, but worth a try.

I really do feel for you, it’s bad enough that our loved ones have to leave their 'place of safety', go to a place that frightens them, and not be looked after as they should be.

I am so sorry other than requesting a personal nurse for mum, or doing it yourself, there doesn’t seem to be any other options.

I really hope her operation goes well, and she makes a speedy recovery.


Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Dear suptowngirl,

I have been in similar situations with both my mother and grandmother. It`s very upsetting, I know.

When I was caring for my neighbour, he developed gangrene and was in agony. The hospital gave him very strong sedation, while he was waiting for surgery to amputate his foot. So when we visited, he was asleep, painfree and as peaceful as he could possibly be.

I know too much sedation is frowned on, but I know what I would rather have for myself, and witness for someone I loved. And I would ask for it.

Of course this is only my personal opinion, and there`s nothing to say the hospital would agree.


Registered User
Sep 19, 2005
Thank you to all of you,

mum has had her new hip but she is in a terrible situation. She has pulled the drip out of her hand and again when they put it in her arm so they have now left it out. She was pulling the oxygen mask off so we had to tape it to her gown so at least she was getting a little of it.

She is lying on a bed which is supposed to help stop bed sores but she cant have an incontinence pad on so she is constantly wet because she can't tell them when she wants to go. We thought they would have given her a catheta when she was in theatre but they didn't. She is having to have the bed sheets changed often because of this and she is crying out in pain and hitting out at the nurses.

We were told today that the care home will have her back willingly if she is mobile but we are to speak to the hospital social worker because it looks like mum will need a new home with nursing care.

We are trying our best to hold it together but it's heartbreaking to see her lying there so vunerable.
She looks so frightened, it's pitiful to see.

It really helps to share your feelings and to know you are not alone.
Thank You all again.

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Registered User
Jul 2, 2006
Newport, Gwent
Really pleased for you that the operation went well, real shame about the aftercare.

Might be worth asking to see the incontinence nurse to see if she can come up with something other than them having to keep changing mums bed and causing her pain. Mum cannot be the first patient that is incontinent on one of these mattresses.

I would also check with the OT or physiotherapist about getting mum mobile again, it may well be possible. It would be much better for mum if you can get her back to her NH rather than another move.

Hope mum continues to improve.

Best wishes