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How long will we need a care home ?

FranL

Registered User
Jan 22, 2022
22
0
My mother will shortly be ninety -four and has been in care for nearly three years. At the time she moved into care I’d say she was at late middle stages of dementia. Her dementia is now fairly advanced. She still talks, but doesn't make a lot of sense and her mobility is now quite limited, whereas when she went into care she was pretty fit for her age.

Like you I now realise some things that seemed a bit odd at the time were actually dementia related. Mum has vascular dementia, so for a long time her memory was pretty good, it was her logic that was off-kilter. Looking back I can see there were problems at least ten years ago, though it was only in late 2017 that things became really tricky. By 2019 I had to move into care as she was a danger to herself and others. As she was always a bit of a snob I chose a posh home with all the bells and whistles and an amazing activities programme. She took a long time to settle as she really didn't want to be there, and though she put on a good front I think most of the activities were already beyond her. The two of us did have a good time when I joined in too, but otherwise mum was happiest in the lounge or her room.

The home was in an expensive part of south-eat London, and I reckoned that mum had about five to six years of finance. Last year we moved to the East Midlands, and after a few months I moved mum to a home near here. It is much cheaper, though it looks pretty similar to her old one. Not so much going on, but now mum is really beyond all that so it doesn't seem important any more.

Mum is still pretty good otherwise physically and I could well see her living for a few more years yet. If her money doesn't last we'll have to go with council funding, but I'm taking each day as it comes.
Thanks for such a helpful response. I saw Mum today and she is looking forward to moving to the new home. The care has been excellent but she just isn’t happy there; not sure she will be happy anywhere now but at least she feels she has chosen this one. I think I’m in a similar position to the one you were in a few years ago and it is really helpful to read your story.

Mum is only 81 and reasonably fit apart from the dementia so really hard to tell what is best. But I do know she has been much more lively since she has been in care and has had regular food and has been taking her medication. I know there will be good days and bad days. Today was a good day and we had some laughs even if she talked complete nonsense - I’m getting very good at nodding my head and saying the right thing!

Thank you again for sharing x
 

imthedaughter

Registered User
Apr 3, 2019
826
0
I moved dad into care full time when he was just 85 and he's just turned 88. He is 'frail' and now only stays in his room, although in his mind he gets out quite a bit. He used to be the one opening the fire doors and escaping, albeit slowly, and we encouraged him to be able to go out and about so long as he was safe. Lockdown and disease progression stopped that and now he's most content in his room, and his mobility has decreased. When he first moved he actually got healthier as he wasn't having regular meals and they looked after his other small health issues better.
Since then of course he's declined. I have no indication of how long we have but he eats well and enjoys the tv and music still.
 

FranL

Registered User
Jan 22, 2022
22
0
I moved dad into care full time when he was just 85 and he's just turned 88. He is 'frail' and now only stays in his room, although in his mind he gets out quite a bit. He used to be the one opening the fire doors and escaping, albeit slowly, and we encouraged him to be able to go out and about so long as he was safe. Lockdown and disease progression stopped that and now he's most content in his room, and his mobility has decreased. When he first moved he actually got healthier as he wasn't having regular meals and they looked after his other small health issues better.
Since then of course he's declined. I have no indication of how long we have but he eats well and enjoys the tv and music still.
Thank you. my mother’s health has definitely improved since she has been in a care setting and I‘m sure it is down to the regular meals. new home confirmed the move today so fingers crossed it will work out. I hope your dad continues to enjoy his TV and music!