Thanks for such a helpful response. I saw Mum today and she is looking forward to moving to the new home. The care has been excellent but she just isn’t happy there; not sure she will be happy anywhere now but at least she feels she has chosen this one. I think I’m in a similar position to the one you were in a few years ago and it is really helpful to read your story.My mother will shortly be ninety -four and has been in care for nearly three years. At the time she moved into care I’d say she was at late middle stages of dementia. Her dementia is now fairly advanced. She still talks, but doesn't make a lot of sense and her mobility is now quite limited, whereas when she went into care she was pretty fit for her age.
Like you I now realise some things that seemed a bit odd at the time were actually dementia related. Mum has vascular dementia, so for a long time her memory was pretty good, it was her logic that was off-kilter. Looking back I can see there were problems at least ten years ago, though it was only in late 2017 that things became really tricky. By 2019 I had to move into care as she was a danger to herself and others. As she was always a bit of a snob I chose a posh home with all the bells and whistles and an amazing activities programme. She took a long time to settle as she really didn't want to be there, and though she put on a good front I think most of the activities were already beyond her. The two of us did have a good time when I joined in too, but otherwise mum was happiest in the lounge or her room.
The home was in an expensive part of south-eat London, and I reckoned that mum had about five to six years of finance. Last year we moved to the East Midlands, and after a few months I moved mum to a home near here. It is much cheaper, though it looks pretty similar to her old one. Not so much going on, but now mum is really beyond all that so it doesn't seem important any more.
Mum is still pretty good otherwise physically and I could well see her living for a few more years yet. If her money doesn't last we'll have to go with council funding, but I'm taking each day as it comes.
Mum is only 81 and reasonably fit apart from the dementia so really hard to tell what is best. But I do know she has been much more lively since she has been in care and has had regular food and has been taking her medication. I know there will be good days and bad days. Today was a good day and we had some laughs even if she talked complete nonsense - I’m getting very good at nodding my head and saying the right thing!
Thank you again for sharing x