In 2002 when my mother retried to Gibraltar after living in London for 43 years, she could never quite settle she lived in her sister house for a while and seem happy , when she moved from there in to rented accommodation she always seem to want to go back to live in her sister house that was her mother home before she died and my mother emigrated to England , where she could not live with my untie as she was ill and could not look after my mother , ( there was not room for all of us ) this really confused my mother as in not understanding why she could not with her sister , while I was living with my mother in Gibraltar trying to work out what was best , I would take her to England with me when I had to go back to England to see my children , I had to stop doing that as it seem to put her of balance before we would go and when we got back , then I use to go on my own , leavening her with my brother or a friend .
When I finally brought her back to England, I use to take her to Gibraltar for a holiday, but had to stop that because it would set of what your husband was doing , not so much as packing , but asking wondering around ,looking for her clothes trying to pack them , telling me to do it trying to help I suppose , but not getting it quite right .
Yes what skye said sounds right it as I found I told my mother anything that we was going away it seen to set it all of , she would become right unsettle .
I stop taking my mother anywhere from 2005 & it all stop she would be on a level , if I make the mistake and tell her I am taking a holiday or would like to in the future it sets it all of still , my mother would before 2005 say that she became ill because she moved to Gibraltar. so of I took her back to UK , then In UK she says she would never of got ill if she satyed In gibraltar !!
If say I never took a holiday I never had a respite. ( liveing in Gibraltar or England oh and yes I did try spain )It would not set all the confusion of but then that would be unrealistic for me .
I found my mother like stability as that gives her a feeling of security.
As long as you recognize this when you take your husband on holiday the before after , that it is going to set all the insecurity in him about where his home is, where her feels better , how he got ill .
I feel sorry to say that it does not stop , because any littlie upset , change can set it of . it has got easer for me as I have learn to recognize it now.
when I started respite I thought it would all get easier , but then silly me forgot that it is also a change in her Surrounding , then the feeling of guilt ,abandonment set in , toppled with mum saying I am not going , I was happier in Gibraltar , why did you bring me to UK! you sould of left me in Gibraltar on my own .
and so the circle begins again with in my mother