How long does the packing go on for?

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by Grannie G, Feb 13, 2007.

  1. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
    #1 Grannie G, Feb 13, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2007
    This evening, he`s been round the house with a plastic bag . In the bag are his glasses, 2 tubes of toothpaste, the contents of his bathroom cabinet, an address book, some magazines, gloves and a `snowstorm` of the Taj Mahal.

    I managed to distract him to the snooker and then put everything back.

    Sylvia x
     
  2. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Sylvia

    Can I ask, does your husband know that you're going away next month? And are you going to India?

    The reason I ask is that before we went away last week, John asked me umpteen times a day, every day, if we were going 'tomorrow'.

    It could be that looking forward to the trip has triggered adrenaline. Even if he can't remember the details, he knows it's something to look forward to. In which case it's likely to carry on until you go (sorry).

    At least he knows you're going too, so that's an improvement.

    Of course, if you haven't told him you're going, that knocks that on the head.......

    Love,
     
  3. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    9,519
    Frinton-on-Sea
    Hi Sylvia, have a friend whose husband was just the same.

    She took to leaving a small suitcase (we called them attache cases when I was young) in the hall. Each evening he would put various items in said case, and always the shoe polish and brushes - ex soldier you see, and after he slept she would put everything away.

    This went on for a couple of months.........to be replaced by something else.

    Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. Thinking of you,
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
    Hi Hazel and Connie.

    He knows we`re going away next month, on holiday, to the Canary Islands.

    This packing is to get away from Kent and go back to his roots. His roots are in India/Manchester, ie he left India when he was 23 and lived in Manchester until he was 70, when we came to Kent.

    So now he is confusing Manchester with India, and Kent is his no-go area. I now suspect he was starting with Alzheimers before we left Manchester and that`s why it`s been so difficult for him to settle here.

    He believes Kent is responsible for his illness as he was never like this before.

    I did agree to go back 2 years ago and we sold our house twice. Each time, he backed out as he couldn`t face the trauma of moving again and looking for another new home. It meant we let people down badly and that was when I decided we had to stay here.

    Reading through this, it`s not surprising he`s confused.

    Thank you for caring. Love Sylvia x
     
  5. May

    May Registered User

    Oct 15, 2005
    627
    Yorkshire
    Hi Sylvia

    Mum still regularly 'packs' the photos, various ornaments, her slippers, dad's tapes, any washing that happens to be airing on the clothes horse et al.... and all in her handbag ( which is about 12x10):eek: We think she gathers possesions to take 'home' with her, home being the home from years ago before she was married and when she was looking after her brothers:( .. it's so sad.
    When Mum was in hospital last year, there was a lovely lady there who regularly packed all her belongings into a bag and stood at the door 'waiting for the family' to arrive as she always told us...:) and her favourite line if she decided that the family were taking too long was 'b****r them I'm not waiting any longer I'll go on my own, can you get me a taxi?' No comfort I know, just wanted you to know you're not alone on this one.
    Take care and keep unpacking.....:confused:
     
  6. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #6 Margarita, Feb 14, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007
    In 2002 when my mother retried to Gibraltar after living in London for 43 years, she could never quite settle she lived in her sister house for a while and seem happy , when she moved from there in to rented accommodation she always seem to want to go back to live in her sister house that was her mother home before she died and my mother emigrated to England , where she could not live with my untie as she was ill and could not look after my mother , ( there was not room for all of us ) this really confused my mother as in not understanding why she could not with her sister , while I was living with my mother in Gibraltar trying to work out what was best , I would take her to England with me when I had to go back to England to see my children , I had to stop doing that as it seem to put her of balance before we would go and when we got back , then I use to go on my own , leavening her with my brother or a friend .

    When I finally brought her back to England, I use to take her to Gibraltar for a holiday, but had to stop that because it would set of what your husband was doing , not so much as packing , but asking wondering around ,looking for her clothes trying to pack them , telling me to do it trying to help I suppose , but not getting it quite right .


    Yes what skye said sounds right it as I found I told my mother anything that we was going away it seen to set it all of , she would become right unsettle .

    I stop taking my mother anywhere from 2005 & it all stop she would be on a level , if I make the mistake and tell her I am taking a holiday or would like to in the future it sets it all of still , my mother would before 2005 say that she became ill because she moved to Gibraltar. so of I took her back to UK , then In UK she says she would never of got ill if she satyed In gibraltar !!

    If say I never took a holiday I never had a respite. ( liveing in Gibraltar or England oh and yes I did try spain )It would not set all the confusion of but then that would be unrealistic for me .

    I found my mother like stability as that gives her a feeling of security.

    As long as you recognize this when you take your husband on holiday the before after , that it is going to set all the insecurity in him about where his home is, where her feels better , how he got ill .

    I feel sorry to say that it does not stop , because any littlie upset , change can set it of . it has got easer for me as I have learn to recognize it now.

    when I started respite I thought it would all get easier , but then silly me forgot that it is also a change in her Surrounding , then the feeling of guilt ,abandonment set in , toppled with mum saying I am not going , I was happier in Gibraltar , why did you bring me to UK! you sould of left me in Gibraltar on my own .
    and so the circle begins again with in my mother
     
  7. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
    Thanks Maggie, It`s obviously something I`m going to have to learn to live with.

    Another problems has surfaced now. He is throwing `crumbs` on the living flame gas fire.

    Love Sylvia x
     
  8. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Oh God!

    Something else to look forward to!!!!!!

    Take care. Love,
     
  9. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #9 Margarita, Feb 14, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 14, 2007
    Do you mean liveing room Gas fire ?

    As if so could you not get one of those Fire
    Safely gate that can go around them, I think you they sell them in Mother care still.

    does your husband go to Day
    Centre? Just wondering as it could be because his bored and you trying to think of something to do together to take his attention away from it can be hard and boring 7 days a week for you also , sorry should not keep saying you , just that I use to get bored , ( that does mean thats its happening to you ) me mum both would get on each other nerves :rolleyes: 7 days a week so day centre was good for both of us , but I know your husband my not like it
     
  10. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,873
    Kent
    I have a fireguard, but he worked out how to unfasten it. Amazing isn`t it?

    We are both bored to tears but there is no way he`d go to a day centre. He has absolutely no confidence and is so embarrassed about his condition, he wants to hide himself away.

    Today we watched Brief Encounter. Decadent, watching TV at lunchtime but an excuse for a good cry.

    Anyway, Good News. Dear Husband couldn`t find some booklets he has about Hinduism and Sikhism and asked for help to find them. Having looked in the obvious places, I thought about the plastic bag he was putting together last night. In the middle of the bundle of magazines were the booklets and with them the BUILDING SOCIETY BOOK.

    So today has been a good day!

    Love Sylvia x
     
  11. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Hi Sylvia

    That's BRILLIANT! I know it could have been sorted, but we don't need any more things that need to be sorted.

    Glad you enjoyed your film. We sometimes do that in the afternoon too. (Kind of respite?)

    Love,
     
  12. Grommit

    Grommit Registered User

    Apr 26, 2006
    2,127
    Doncaster
    Every afternoon when I get home from work, I have to scout round the house for the following:-

    Toothpaste - usually in toaster,
    Clean underclothes - generally in the cereal box,
    Letters, bills etc - stuffed in the dustbin,
    Empty jam jars - no special place for them but I just follow the sticky finger trail,
    Used toilet roll - usually behind any of the central heating radiators in the house, but mainly behind the bathroom radiator,
    Birthday cards - generally decorating the mantelpiece, sometimes on the sideboard,
    Cuddly toys - coffee percolator and, worst of all,
    Long handled spoon for tasting food - anywhere in the house at all.

    In relation to going anywhere, I long ago stopped telling Jean that we were going out, as she got very nervous and agitated. So, even when we are going on holiday, I only tell her on the morning of the holiday that we are going to do "something special" today.

    It may seem that i am cutting her out of things, but truly, she does not understand anymore and as long as her hallucinatory "friends" can come as well she really does not seem to mind.
     

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