Hello Buddha and all: I share your bewilderment and wish you and your loved ones as well as possible in the circumstances.
My dad - 80 - has Alzheimer's and has been in a nursing home for just under two years, having had the diagnosis about five years. He was admitted to hospital yesterday with a chest infection - which we all probably know is the single biggest cause of death for Alzheimer's sufferers 'cos of aspiration. He's on antibiotics and has no compromising weakness other than Alz (he's always been physically healthy). He's lost much weight in the last few months and his swallowing is slowly fading. I know what the end will look like but am conflicted: I don't want to lose him yet as I think he still recognises close family and I have no reason to think he's suffering and in pain - at least physically.
The hospital dr's advised that the visits should happen now, I think out of caution that he will die, but I'm hopeful that he'll pull through - though I know there's never a good or better time to lose one's parent than now... I live 150m from my mum (he's in a hospital near her) and am travelling tomorrow, having got the news to visit soon today. It's the suddenness: I saw him last week and he was OK, if in gentle decline, then he gets this infection...
I share the sense that one just doesn't know if the end's arrived or whether a setback's a blip - and with drs it's a guessing game too.
But I do know that, as with thebaglady, nutrition is soon going to become an issue, which is so miserable. He can still manage pureed food, can keep his head just about up, and isn't bedbound, though lost any mobility several months ago. But the prospect of him being artificially fed fills me with concern and a sense that that is the end... There is a DNAR in place, and IF the kinder thing for him is that he goes before needing it, I hope he does, as much as it pains me to say it.
God bless you all,
Marcus