How long can it possibly take till the end?

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Cata, Oct 29, 2018.

  1. Cata

    Cata New member

    Aug 2, 2018
    I am at the stage of feeling rather numb about the situation of my 96 year old Mum. She has been lying in bed in her care home for almost 5 months now since her stroke. She is now partially paralysed , dementia advanced( memory gone) and although she has lately been eating a very little each day and still drinking , she is completely skeletal and her skin breaks up requiring dressings all over. She has a pressure relieving mattress. She responds to carers and nurses but very little to me and my brother now, in fact she doesnt know who we are now. She is not suffering physically because of the excellent care she receives and good pain management and anxiety management. She must have a strong heart and is not getting any infections like she used to . She is so frail now so it is hard to understand that she can survive . She sleeps almost all of the time . How long can she exist like this ? It is so cruel. I know I will grieve when she goes but I do feel Ive lost her already
  2. karaokePete

    karaokePete Registered User

    Jul 23, 2017
    N Ireland
    Hello @Cata, that must be very tough but, unfortunately, there isn’t any simple answer to your question as time in the end stages can vary so much.

    In the hope that it may help give you some answers I’m enclosing links to the Society Factsheets that cover this period. Just click the PDF links for easier reads

    I wish you strength at this difficult time.
  3. lemonjuice

    lemonjuice Registered User

    Jun 15, 2016
    #3 lemonjuice, Oct 29, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2018
    Unfortunately as many here will testify that 'end stage' can take literally months, or even years. Though in view of your Mum's advanced age I doubt it will be years.

    And yes it is heart-breaking to watch them deteriorate to nothing and still keep going. Like your Mum mine improved on going into the NH. During her nearly 6 years there she never caught a cold, flu or pneumonia. Despite not being given the yearly jabs! She did have many 'emergencies, flare ups of cellulitis, pressure sores but excellent care helped keep those at bay until the very end. She had regular tias, spent the last 3 years mostly sleeping, mute and unable to even manoeuvre her own body. Despite the heart disease it still kept overcoming all the odds to 'survive' but have little QoL.
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    South coast
    Im sorry @Cata - this stage is hard and there is no knowing how long it will go on for
  5. Babymare01

    Babymare01 Registered User

    Apr 22, 2015
    Hello there Cata. Its times like this I so wish I had a crystal ball. Mum has been mute, bedridden and sleeping all time for last 2 years now. She eats well but her food is pureed and she has to be fed. I, like you, keep asking that question - How long!
    Yesterday was a scare when I went in - her head was back and her mouth open and I couldn't see her chest rising and falling. Poor mum. I just shook her until she made a little movement.
    Just how long does this go on for.

    Lots of hugs xx
  6. Timeout

    Timeout Registered User

    Feb 10, 2012
    I’m another one chipping in to say it can go on quite a while. My mum has been in the very advanced stages for nearly 3 years now and she’s still going. She’s survived infections, jaundice, skin breakdown, sleeps all the time etc but eats puréed food very well so her body is strong. 13 years into her diagnosis and still the end isn’t fully in sight for us.
    We just have to keep going just as she is, it’s hard and we all wish that she could be released but we’ve come to terms with the fact it will take as long as it takes. Sending you strength x

Share This Page

  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.
  1. This site uses cookies to help personalise content, tailor your experience and to keep you logged in if you register.
    By continuing to use this site, you are consenting to our use of cookies.