I have read many posts on this forum, read books, leaflets and searched the Internet until I don't really know what I'm reading any more. The information out there is vast and somewhat repetitive. However, no matter how much information I am armed with I still keep thinking of the same bit of advice read many times over.
Mum has started taking a tablet now to slow the process down and hopefully stop or reduce at least her hallucinations, we will see.
She has her up days and I treasure the moments she is on these and have started to keep a book for myself of our happy times with photos of days out and times together. I need my memories of mum to be fun and happy. I will not let dementia take the loving person she is away from me.
I've done an awful lot for mum emotionally, mentally and physically and I have reached a real low in my being. But, I've listened to you, I've read what others go through and I've stepped outside of my emotional box and had a good look around me. Yes, I'm tired, scared, worried and tearful. More importantly, I have realised there are family and friends that are there for me and I have to include them and take on their offer of help. I have to take note that I'm not in this alone. I have to do the best for mum yet I also have to do the best for me.
Many times I have read, "your mum will deny help because she has you".
I never really fully understood this as, hand on heart, I thought my mum would never do that to me. Well, I was right, my mum wouldn't do that to me, but, dementia would gladly do that and probably laugh in my face at the same time.
My battle isn't with my mum, it's with dementia. I've separated them and am beginning to slowly see my mum again and not dementia. This in turn is changing our relationship for the better.
We have many roads to wander on this journey; some with great hills to climb some with flowing streams to enjoy.
I wouldn't have started to turn my views around, even if they only last for a while, unless I had read the advice of "your mum will not accept help if she has you". I've taken a step back, mum has started to notice things are different, she in turn is now showing signs of being calmer and taking her time.
Mum said to me on the phone the other night "don't do too much love, I don't want you ending up like me"...