Life used to be happy, fun and full of laughter. Now, it's sad, isolated and very withdrawn. There's no time to enjoy the morning sun with a cuppa, no time to enjoy prepping dinner, no time to just be and not think. Every day, every minute is wrapped with guilt, worry and feeling miserable. I look out of the window and see flowers and sunshine but I no longer feel the joy they used to bring me. I see my best friend but don't feel the laughter hurting my stomach muscles. I try to sit quietly and think of nothing, just for five minutes, but no it doesn't work. I look in the mirror and I see a middle aged woman looking old and lifeless; I don't see me. I don't have Dementia, my mum does. We are both losing our lives, just in different ways. I want the old me back. I want my life back. I want my mum back. I hate dementia, I hate feeling like this, I hate my husband seeing me like this, I hate seeing myself like this. I hate seeing my mum disappearing into a haze. I hate you dementia with all the hatred in the world.