• We're currently experiencing technical issues with our newsletter software, so our Dementia Talking Point monthly updates have been put on hold for now. We hope to restart the newsletter soon.

    Find out more >here<.

How honest to you have to be?

Caseys

Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
37
I did post on another forum but we don't have a diagnosis so here may be more appropriate for us. My 91 year old mother in law came to live with us 7 weeks ago and is increasingly confused - she also has heart failure and a broken neck only discovered a few weeks ago - not operating or treating but we have to care for her carefully - waiting for memory clinic appointment. Her confusion is escalating - family relationships are very confused and we think she has gone back to some place in her past. She thinks we have three sons called Tom (we have one!) - two are at Cardiff uni and one is a priest! The thing I wanted to ask though was what do you go along with and what do have to gently explain? She is persisting with the idea of sending christmas cards to her three sisters but they are all dead. I can write cards and pretend to send them but what would finding the truth do? I don't want to lie to her but am worried that she could also get upset if she realises that we have been going along with something she then knows was wrong - ie she'll think we think she's going mad... Nicole
 

marionq

Registered User
Apr 24, 2013
6,132
Scotland
With that state of confusion she will forget whatever you decide. Do what seems kindest at the time. Could you divert her by saying eg "Tell me about your sisters, their names, what they looked like, who they married. What did you play at when you were little "

By the time she's done all that she might forget about the cards altogether!
 

Caseys

Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
37
With that state of confusion she will forget whatever you decide. Do what seems kindest at the time. Could you divert her by saying eg "Tell me about your sisters, their names, what they looked like, who they married. What did you play at when you were little "

By the time she's done all that she might forget about the cards altogether!
Thank you - very helpful advice, Nicole
 

Caseys

Registered User
Dec 10, 2015
37
This article might help:

That is brilliant! Thank you. I will share that with my husband. I think it I'll help both of us with her. It is too easy to challenge things forgotten but I will work from this in future. Thanks so much, Nicole x
 

Members online

Forum statistics

Threads
116,102
Messages
1,698,077
Members
66,923
Latest member
MistyReba