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Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by lynda, Aug 10, 2005.
how does this illness progress? My mother seems to be rapidly getting worse. Lynda
How does anybody cope knowing that things do not get better? My mother is getting worse very quickly and the medication she is on doesnt seem to work. The future is very frightening
How does anybody cope knowing that things do not get better
well first of all, you have to recognise that, long term, things will not get better.
then, you have to realise that though this may be so, we can do our very best to make each day count. There will be ups and downs - more of the latter - but the occasional victory makes the effort worthwhile.
All the time we have to think that, no matter how bad it appears to an observer, it is so much worse for the sufferer.
So you have to put all plans on hold and go all out for as good a day as you can get on each day.
If the medication doesn't seem to be working you need to consider how long she has used it - sometimes it can take a good while to kick in. Also, there may be different medication that will work better. Depends on what medication you mean of course - dementia specific, or other, calming stuff. Speak to her consultant about this.
Also, keep written records of her condition each day you see her. That can help you to identify the better days, and may also help the doctors.
It IS hell, that's for sure, but all we can do is our best.
some days she is just mum, some days she is someone that I HAVE NEVER MET.
She has delusions of people in her house,changing things,moving things. The problem I find is that no matter what youo say it does not change anything. All we can do is be there for as long as it takes.
A Caregiver's Guide to Alzheimer's
Dear Lynda - One of the more informative books on Alzheimers is titled "Your Name Is Hughes Hannibal Shanks" which was written by his wife, Lela Knox Shanks. It follows the progression of the disease from a caregivers perspective. Take care, J. McK P.S. You might find it if yoy search Google
Why? indeed. As Nada says, "Everyone's experience of dementia is different." but I would think that we all go through these feelings of anger, fear and despair. As AD took hold of my Dad, I felt as you do - Why? Why, my Dad? Why can't I find some way of making it better for him and my Mum? As you say, it seems that all we can do is to be there, and what we say doesn't change the fact that our parents have dementia.
Then again, don't think that you don't make a difference by 'just' being there and reassuring your Mum, even if it's about an invisible (to us) threat. I've seen my Dad so relieved after we've told him that his coat is safely locked in the wardrobe, (because he'd thought that someone might steal it). I've seen him placated when Mum conspired with him by helping him to 'hide' his shaving gear from whoever was going to take it.
I guess, in your Mum's case, it may be that she just does not remember putting something (xxx) in the place that she finds it and so, naturally, reaches the conclusion that someone else must have moved it. You might consider adopting the 'little white lie' technique for her peace of mind and explain that you moved xxx but if she doesn't like it there, then you'll move it back again. Just a suggestion but if you try it, and it doesn't work, please don't be annoyed at me!
I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that there are many on TP who have 'been there, done that' and understand what you're going through.