how does one know

[connieonny]

...if a Home is the right one?
How does one know, after many months down the line, if the care is as it should be - given that we are dealing with extreme confusion and dementia, and someone who can't tell us how they are being cared for?
Should someone in the Home have an 'overview' of what is happening to MiL and her day to day care/problems?
Or is it a case of it being normal for staff not to really see the bigger picture, including the manager/deputy manager? Just to see each day as a separate entity?
When we ask questions, nobody knows. Holidays, days off, working in wrong lounge. When we complain, nothing happens - dementia is blamed, but we know it isn't, not all the time.
Who do we turn to? Who actually cares? Should anyone at the Home be taking our concerns seriously? They haven't so far!
Home best we could find, MiL seriously confused day and night. Cared for her with us 10 years but can we go back? I think not, but current situation also not acceptable and the nightmare continues when we thought placement into care would ease at least some of it. How long do you give it before you say 'enough is enough'?
It isn't that we have been unable to complain about various things in a calm, clear and direct manner - we have. Nothing changes.
Help.

 

[love.dad.but..]

Dad has been in a dementia nursing/care home for 5 months now and had a really rocky start for him being very unsettled and when I asked various staff ... carers nurses deputy manager and manager lots of questions when visiting every other day...no excuses are needed as they seem on the ball and if ever I ask something a carer or nurse doesn't know they find out and tell me on my next visit.From day one all my questions were met with friendly professional responses and it was very clear all the staff including senior management were fully engaged with helping Dad and knowing exactly how he is getting on etc. I also have a monthly review meeting with a nurse when all aspects of his care are discussed. This is how it should be. You are still a carer for your MIL the care home form part of the care and it is absolutely right and essential you are able to discuss and get responses to any questions you have. Time to get a bit more assertive perhaps.

 

[connieonny]

Thankyou for this ...
I am absolutely amazed - a monthly review meeting?! We have been assertive, both in writing and verbally but still never enough answers to our questions.
May I ask if others get frequent review meetings? The last one we were asked to attend was the NHS CHC meeting a year ago.

 

[love.dad.but..]

I hope you get the answers you need, from reading your account I would be concerned that no one is willing or able to immediately respond to basic questions which are perfectly reasonable for you to ask. On many occasions, carers come and tell me how Dad has been through the night or if he has had problems say with refusing personal care but how they have approached him a little later and been successful, before I even ask so this is I would have thought is normal 2 way carer/relative communication. The nurses phone if there is something that I need to be told immediately ie he has had a couple of falls or if the visiting GP who comes on demand and once a week, has seen him for any reason. I would also be unhappy about the lack of good practice communication you are receiving and others may have some advice on the way forward given you have both verbally and complained in writing. I don't know the circumstances of your MIL choice of care home, Dad is completely self funding so that gave us choice, but I think I would be looking for somewhere else. Good communication for the relatives with care home staff on behalf of vulnerable dementia resident is fundamental to good care in my view.
That said, I visit Dad every other day and at different times and keep ears and eyes open not just for dad but in listening to how the staff talk to and interact with the other residents, my duty to dad is to monitor the care closely but so far all the staff including the housekeeping and catering staff seem kind and caring towards dad. It is a specialist dementia home but the senior management have always told me 'if you're happy then we're happy and you must tell us if something is concerning you' very much a 'can do' attitude also helps. Yes the home has some faults but for me, kind and caring is paramount. I notice that your MIL may have CHC which Dad doesn't receive but the monthly reviews are offered the same or all residents quite rightly whatever the funding arrangements at dad's home.There are 32 residents on Dad's ground floor of the home.

 

[connieonny]

I am sorry that you are also having to deal with this with your Dad.
Only occasionally will a carer come to us to tell us this or that, mostly they are just very busy, and always in a caring and kind way to the residents. They also call us if Mil should fall - they say they have to inform us. We chose this Home oursleves, and felt ready to work with staff should any difficulties arise - but the impression is that there is not enough communication either between staff or with ourselves. Just an occasional, but regular meeting would be enough to keep us updated. We have voiced our concerns as I mentioned, but it never gets us anywhere.
Unfortunately we can't visit every day due to distance, but wish that we could to keep a better eye on things. Like you we are quite willing to overlook certain things, so long as the care is good ....
Thank you for responding. Wishing you well.