My brother and I have been trying to persuade Mum that the time has come to move into a care home. (I live 2 hours drive from Mum, he lives 3 hours drive away.) She is adamant that she won’t move from her house. I have found a lovely place close to me, and she tried it for a week last year, but even though she said the staff, food and rooms were all lovely, she still insisted on going home. We have now persuaded her to try it for 4 weeks, but she only agreed on condition that I promised her faithfully that she was coming home again. We are waiting for a place to become available for the 4 weeks trial.
In the meantime Mum has had another bad fall which caused nasty injuries to her arms. Miraculously, she didn’t break anything and was able to make a phone call for help, but it did not occur to her to use the care alarm pendant that she wears – she doesn’t understand it. If she had been unable to move she would have lain on the floor bleeding for 17 hours before the carer called – she only has a carer for 30 minutes a day and won’t allow them to do anything when they come. Last week she wandered off and got completely lost – the first time this has happened, to our knowledge. She was missing for at least 2½ hours before finding her way home.
If Mum insists on staying at home, she clearly needs carers more than half an hour a day. Currently I and my brother are taking it in turns to stay with her, but we can’t do this for much longer. The thing is, she hates having people around and trying to do things with her or for her, and has refused to consider having someone living in, but I am terrified at the thought of her being left alone now, with the wandering to worry about as well as falls.
If someone was living in with her, how would it work in practice? What would they do all day? I bring my computer and carry on with my work, leaving Mum to her own devices most of the time, which is what she wants. She doesn’t need help with washing, dressing, etc, and still insists on cooking her own meals (there is only 1 meal she is able to cook, so she has the same thing every day but won’t let me cook for her.) She understands very little that is said to her though, and most of what she says doesn't make sense. Would it be safe to leave her living alone, but with carers calling more frequently? What have other people done in these circumstances?
J
In the meantime Mum has had another bad fall which caused nasty injuries to her arms. Miraculously, she didn’t break anything and was able to make a phone call for help, but it did not occur to her to use the care alarm pendant that she wears – she doesn’t understand it. If she had been unable to move she would have lain on the floor bleeding for 17 hours before the carer called – she only has a carer for 30 minutes a day and won’t allow them to do anything when they come. Last week she wandered off and got completely lost – the first time this has happened, to our knowledge. She was missing for at least 2½ hours before finding her way home.
If Mum insists on staying at home, she clearly needs carers more than half an hour a day. Currently I and my brother are taking it in turns to stay with her, but we can’t do this for much longer. The thing is, she hates having people around and trying to do things with her or for her, and has refused to consider having someone living in, but I am terrified at the thought of her being left alone now, with the wandering to worry about as well as falls.
If someone was living in with her, how would it work in practice? What would they do all day? I bring my computer and carry on with my work, leaving Mum to her own devices most of the time, which is what she wants. She doesn’t need help with washing, dressing, etc, and still insists on cooking her own meals (there is only 1 meal she is able to cook, so she has the same thing every day but won’t let me cook for her.) She understands very little that is said to her though, and most of what she says doesn't make sense. Would it be safe to leave her living alone, but with carers calling more frequently? What have other people done in these circumstances?
J
