How do you tell them ....

[Grandaughter 1]

My Grandad has now been in a nursing home for a week now.

This was an emergency admission and we were told initially it was for 6 weeks whilst he recuparated from his fall. The manager has now told my Nan that it is her view that he can stay permanently.

It is sad but the family are all in agreement that this is for the best as Grandad is unsafe at home due to the number of falls he's been having.

The thing is what to tell Grandad if anything? Nan visited on Thursday and Grandad is under the impression he's there for 2 weeks. He told Nan he'll be home at the weekend as he's been in for 3 weeks already!

Do we try and talk to him and explain that he'll be there for good or do we just keep fobbing him off in the hope that he'll settle and forget about home? He seems to be more alert in some respects than we first realised although he obviously has no record of time. It is more his physical state/mobility that is the cause for concern.

He seem's very angry about being in the home and cross that nobody has collected him yet!

Has anyone else been in a similar situation?

Louise x

 

[Margarita]

or do we just keep fobbing him off in the hope that he'll settle and forget about home?

Seeing that people with dementia, are always saying they want to go home , even if they are at home its hard , because your grandfather may not be in that stage yet , so you have to take into consideration that he just want to go back home , if it was my mother , I would tell her , in just being honest and respectful towards her, then she may forget & keep asking till to go home anyway , that when someone alse on TP can answer maybe ?

 

[alex]

Hi Louise

I have no experience of this, but personally, if it was me, i would opt for the fobbing off...........just for a few weeks until he is a little more settled then i'd decide whether to tell him or not (i would most likely tell him that he only needs to stay until his mobility improves........i know its telling porkies but i think it would cause less distress).............what does your grandmother think he should be told?

Love Alex x

 

[Kayla]

My Mum asked to go into a Care Home because she had a few falls and she felt lonely and unable to cope. She was really happy and had a very nice room, which was large and rather like a studio flat. Unfortunately, after breaking her hip, she had to move into a Nursing Home because they just couldn't cope with her, despite trying. I tried to explain it all to her, but she was most unhappy and felt that no-one wanted her.
Eventually she did settle down in the NH and she feels well looked after, but she does still sometimes talk about her old home and she says she wants to go back there. If I mention her old house, which is being let out, she is quite certain that she wouldn't want to return there because she got frightened by all her hallucinations. I think now Mum is as contented as she can be in the Nursing Home and she accepts that she need to be there.
Kayla

 

[Grannie G]

Hi Louise, As your Grandad keeps telling you he wants to go home, could you be a little bit `economical with the truth` and tell him he can`t go home until you are sure he will have no more falls, and be safe.
Perhaps you could explain how dangerous it is for him to keep falling and how staff in the nursing home are trained to help him up if he does fall, whereas your Nan could hurt herself if she tried.
It`s only a suggestion, and all I can think of. I hope it helps.
Sylvia

 

[Cate]

Hi Louise

I agree with our friends who have already replied. I wouldn't tell Grandad he's not going home, I expect this would really distress him, go along with the mobility thing, when thats improved etc. etc. let him get used to living away from your Nan, and as the weeks and months go by he may just settle into the routine. He may well still ask to go home, but I would just keep saying 'when he's better', basically play it by ear.

Love
Cate x

 

[Grandaughter 1]

It's tricky isn't it?

We've told Grandad when he asked to go home, that he has to stay in the home because of his cut head and the number of falls he's been having. However, he is still convinced that this is temporary like respite care.

His stiches are coming out of his head in a day so I don't know whether he'll assume he's going home then.

We've only experienced 2 weeks of respite care so who know's whether he'll still be shouting to go home in a few weeks or whether he'll be more accepting.

Do Social services/care home take into account his requests or do they deem him incapable of making a decision?

Louise x