How do you stop feeling sad?

[Chook]

I was wondering how other people manage to stop feeling so sad. I feel like my heart my break soon, my poor mum doesn't deserve what she's going through. I wish I could have her at home so I could care for her but a mother of small children myself this is impossible.

I just feel so sad all the time. I've tried Cognitive Behaviour Training which is brilliant for my stress levels but it hasn't stopped me from feeling so blue. It's not depressing as such, it's just an overwhelming feeling of sadness for my poor mum.

I think mum's entering the final stages of this b'stad disease. I hope it takes her quickly in the end. I can't bare to see her in discomfort.

Thanks for listening, I'd love to hear your managing techniques, or share your woes, it seems to help.

Love
Chook x

 

[Princess t]

I was wondering how other people manage to stop feeling so sad. I feel like my heart my break soon, my poor mum doesn't deserve what she's going through. I wish I could have her at home so I could care for her but a mother of small children myself this is impossible.

I just feel so sad all the time. I've tried Cognitive Behaviour Training which is brilliant for my stress levels but it hasn't stopped me from feeling so blue. It's not depressing as such, it's just an overwhelming feeling of sadness for my poor mum.

I think mum's entering the final stages of this b'stad disease. I hope it takes her quickly in the end. I can't bare to see her in discomfort.

Thanks for listening, I'd love to hear your managing techniques, or share your woes, it seems to help.

I would like to know that question to! It's just over whelming isn't it? I might manage a day if on holiday but when home it's ther 24/7 I could cry at anything! I've got two children 16 and 13 and feel my life with them is slipping away (feel like crying thinking about that now)! My two sisters can seem to cope and tell me to switch off when not seeing mom but I can't..we were really close before dad died and altzimers struck, mom gets help from carers twice a day and so far likes them, but to be honest it hasn't made me feel any calmer at all. This has been going on for nearly 5 yrs and she's been diagnosed 4 months. It's a living hell. I could quite easily run away.

 

[Jbob]

I was wondering how other people manage to stop feeling so sad. I feel like my heart my break soon, my poor mum doesn't deserve what she's going through. I wish I could have her at home so I could care for her but a mother of small children myself this is impossible.

I just feel so sad all the time. I've tried Cognitive Behaviour Training which is brilliant for my stress levels but it hasn't stopped me from feeling so blue. It's not depressing as such, it's just an overwhelming feeling of sadness for my poor mum.

I think mum's entering the final stages of this b'stad disease. I hope it takes her quickly in the end. I can't bare to see her in discomfort.

Thanks for listening, I'd love to hear your managing techniques, or share your woes, it seems to help.

I would like to know that question to! It's just over whelming isn't it? I might manage a day if on holiday but when home it's ther 24/7 I could cry at anything! I've got two children 16 and 13 and feel my life with them is slipping away (feel like crying thinking about that now)! My two sisters can seem to cope and tell me to switch off when not seeing mom but I can't..we were really close before dad died and altzimers struck, mom gets help from carers twice a day and so far likes them, but to be honest it hasn't made me feel any calmer at all. This has been going on for nearly 5 yrs and she's been diagnosed 4 months. It's a living hell. I could quite easily run away.

I took feel the same. I have good days and bad days. I have been through CBT previously for anxiety issues and am on the waiting list to see a counsellor. I feel bereaved even though my Dad is still with us albeit in a CH now. The guilt is always there whether I've visited him or not.
If you find a solution let me know. I can't seem to enjoy myself even when i am i have moments of feeling sad.
Hopefully we can all help each other on TP.
Keep smiling ☺ (easier said than done!)

 

[kyssam]

I fee sad most of the time when I think about my mum and how much pain and suffering she is goong through. My siblings seem to manage their emotions much better than me.

I'm mostly afraid of how I will be able to cope once mum dies and feel as I will have a complete breakdown.

 

[Jbob]

I fee sad most of the time when I think about my mum and how much pain and suffering she is goong through. My siblings seem to manage their emotions much better than me.

I'm mostly afraid of how I will be able to cope once mum dies and feel as I will have a complete breakdown.

I'm hoping i will feel relief that my Dad is free of this horrible disease when the inevitable happens? It kind of feels like grief now just a long term one! Take care

 

[kyssam]

Relief yes but before that all the other stages of grief. I'm not very good at expressing emotions soa dreading all of it.

I've tried cbt, mindfulness, emdr all of it and none of it really helps.

 

[Jbob]

Kyssam,
I hope you find something to help you and that talking about your situation and getting support from others on TP will help.
It helps me slightly to know it's not just me and my feelings are normal.

 

[nae sporran]

Sorry Chook. Your poor mum and you having to bring up small children too.

My OH is not suffering as much with dementia as your mum and some people's parents and spouses, but she has diabetes and mobility problems to complicate matters. For me it's a combination of frustration that I just can't do anything for her. I take her to Podiatrists and physiotherapists who offers some support and ideas, but she blames them for her ailments and won't do the exercises. It's also sadness that we can't be the couple we were, enjoying nights out and antique fairs. At the moment I just feel overwhelmed my self despite the remedies I am going to suggest which sometimes help.

Music helps and it's often the only thing OH will enjoy these days. A good massage helps to relieve a bit of tension. A walk in the woods sometimes helps too. Of course, at this time of year you need a good insect repellent, and i have yet to try out Citronella.

Best wishes to you chook, and everyone else caring for lovely people with this horrible disease.

 

[Dothedealnow]

I'll give this a go

I am a white British Male from the North, so am not sure that I am best placed to advise but here goes.
I had a stressful job that caused me to suffer stressbat work, this was before all the stuff with my mum kicked off.
The brilliant GPs signed me off work (frequent nose bleeds, rashes, zero nighttime sleep just part of it).
They also gave me access to counselling over the phone, face to face group meetings and mild medication.
Thus I already had the tools in place to deal with the last six months of my mother's rapid decline.
Please look after yourselves. You are no use to yourself, your family and the PWD if you are on the edge of becoming a basket case. STOP reading this and get yourself sorted. Pick up the phone now!

 

[kyssam]

Thank you for your messages. This website is the most helpful thing I've come across in all the years my mum has been I'll.

Funnily your suggestion of a massage is spot on.y brother is here with me today, we are watching the Queens 90th birthday celebrations and as he is training to be a personal trainer hes giving me a sports massage of some sort!

Music does help, today is my mum's 75th birthday and we, the girls and I put on happy birthday on the iPad last night and danced and sang along for a while. The girls tried to get mum involved with the dancing and her face lit up albeit momentarily.

Thanks for all the suggestionsm

 

[Jbob]

Some good ideas Dothedealnow definitely need to look after ourselves ☺

Happy birthday to your mum kyssam hope she has a lovely day!

 

[kyssam]

Thank you so much Jbob. She isn't really aware of her birthday, or the time of day or anything much really.

Food and my children are her two pleasures in life. The girls want to buy her a cake (she's diabetic) and a small present so I will take them to m&s and pick out something together.

Sorry if I have derailed this thread. I guess the answer to the original question of how to stop feeling sad is not accept that really sad is normal and to look at the positives in life.

 

[Quilty]

I took care of Mum for 5 years single handed and like you just felt so sad (and sometimes frustrated and angry about our situation). I cant say I managed to stop it but I tried to find things tat recharged my batteries. For me it was comedy - films and tv box sets, and fragrant baths. These could be cancelled at short notice without being a cost or disappointment. They both helped me when nothing else really could. Posting here was also my therapy and support system. It is wonderful to be understood and not judged - everyone here understands no matter how dark it gets.

We are all here to walk with you and keep you going. The mental pressure is the worse so keep offloading here.
X
Quilty

I was wondering how other people manage to stop feeling so sad. I feel like my heart my break soon, my poor mum doesn't deserve what she's going through. I wish I could have her at home so I could care for her but a mother of small children myself this is impossible.

I just feel so sad all the time. I've tried Cognitive Behaviour Training which is brilliant for my stress levels but it hasn't stopped me from feeling so blue. It's not depressing as such, it's just an overwhelming feeling of sadness for my poor mum.

I think mum's entering the final stages of this b'stad disease. I hope it takes her quickly in the end. I can't bare to see her in discomfort.

Thanks for listening, I'd love to hear your managing techniques, or share your woes, it seems to help.

Love
Chook x

 

[CeliaThePoet]

So many of us (all?) can relate. I will share the thing which has helped me the most: learning some very basic meditation techniques and practicing these enough that I get the benefit of a learned physiological response--a few deep, controlled breaths help me to feel calm and centered when I am upset, stressed, worried. I know, on some level, all of us worry almost all the time. Becoming conscious of this emotion, and the sadness you speak of, makes me better able to consciously put it down to rest and feel other (happier!) things, at least some of the time. "More of what feels good, less of what does not."

A therapist I saw briefly around the time Mom entered care suggested a visualization: imagine you are a mountain. Many things go in on and around the mountain--weather, road building, hikers. But the mountain remains, still. Be the mountain for a few minutes.

 

[Chook]

Thank you all for your replies, i haven't got time to respond to each one but it really helps to get it all out there, share your sadness and hear that others feel the same way. I love the mountain idea, very very true.

Massive hugs to you all.

I managed to make myself feel better today by going shopping, spending my birthday money and looking at beautiful things!

Love
Chook x x

 

[Wendy C]

I think we all know how you feel. Its such an awful thing to watch your loved one disappear. When I have been to see my Mom I get in my car, turn my music on loud and have a good sing song on way home. People look at me as though I am mad, and I don't care. It does not solve the situation but it makes me feel a bit better. Trouble is the next time my husband gets in the car and Cliff Richard is blasting out, it does not go down very well. Expressing our feelings on here is wonderful as we all understand how we feel. Sending love and hugs to all. xx

 

[Jilly1]

I wish I could advise you, but I feel the same as you so have read all the repies with great interest.
I am losing my darling husband and the only peace I get is when I sleep. Sometimes I wake up and just wish I wasn't here anymore.

 

[Jbob]

I wish I could advise you, but I feel the same as you so have read all the repies with great interest.
I am losing my darling husband and the only peace I get is when I sleep. Sometimes I wake up and just wish I wasn't here anymore.

Oh Jilly1 I know it's really hard and we all have good/bad days like our PWD but please speak to someone if you can. Life is worth living! Go for counselling or CBT it may hrlp you. Take care!

 

[lemonjuice]

I wish I could advise you, but I feel the same as you so have read all the repies with great interest.
I am losing my darling husband and the only peace I get is when I sleep. Sometimes I wake up and just wish I wasn't here anymore.

Only posting just to encourage you you're not alone in feelings like these.

 

[At home]

Feeling sad

I recently looked at a posting about types of grief and grieving, it suggested there was such a thing as anticipatory grief that is experienced by relatives and sufferers of terminal illness. I am an only child caring singlehandedly for my mum >5yrs, now with advanced AD, and realising this helped me to feel less bad about my down tearful days. I also hope that I shall have completed some of the grief I shall experience inevitably in the future. I try to console myself that it is my privilege to care for my mum, since she was a single parent with me in the 1950's, and I'm sure had to battle to keep me. Consolation also is that my mum is not in pain, and even if she sees my tears, she forgets about them within 5 mins. In that way, there is some kindness of this horrible disease.