How do you stay patient?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Rosaerona, Oct 26, 2015.

  1. Rosaerona

    Rosaerona Registered User

    Oct 7, 2015
    11
    My mum is becoming very repetitive in her speech patterns and constantly trying to get me to eat stuff and I am finding myself snapping at her, which is making me feel horrible because I know she is not being deliberately annoying and she can't help it. I'm aware that I've always been an impatient type and I really do try to control my temper but especially when I'm tired or ill things slip. When my mum was caring for my nanna I was always amazed at her seemingly endless patience and I wish I could be like her, but I'm only too aware that I loose patience very quickly... I have read that post about how to talk to people with dementia, but I wondered if people had any tips on avoiding getting into a snappish situation in the first place. It's not practical for me to just not talk to my mum and I wouldn't want to anyway, but the constant stress of her repeating things and me snapping is making home life hard for us both and for my dad and I'd like to try and do something to make it better. All suggestions most gratefully received.
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,732
    Kent
    Hello Rosaerona

    We all know how to behave and what to do but putting it into practice at all times is the tallest order imaginable.

    I doubt there`s a carer here who can say they have never lost it, no matter how guilty they feel afterwards.

    All I can say is walk away when you feel you are going to snap. Either into another room or to make a drink for your mother, anything to break the repetition.

    Others may have better coping strategies.
     
  3. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    1,111
  4. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Its so hard and I do snap, because if I walk away, count to ten whatever, as soon as mum sees me it starts again. So my trick at the moment is to put my feet up on the sofa and pretend to be asleep. Fresh in the morning I can deal with it and usually we are out, but as the day passes I become less tolerant. so me taking a nap with something on tv seems to be working. She sits and looks/sorts her magazines and sometimes goes off into kitchen to fiddle with stuff. By the time I 'wake' whatever it was that had her in a loop of same question/statement, as passed and I can cope again.
     
  5. Nutcracker

    Nutcracker Registered User

    Oct 13, 2015
    2
    Berks
    #5 Nutcracker, Oct 26, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 26, 2015
    My Father is repetitive, confrontational, verging on aggressive at times. I spent months pussy footing and appeasing, and then eventually snapping. Now, I just walk away. You're on a hiding to nothing.
     
  6. Pear trees

    Pear trees Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    442
    It is hard not to snap, especially when the repetition is constant, and the distraction used last week won't work this week. I've tried drinks, food, TV, and leaving the room, but the most successful is getting her to count all the money in her purse which she does quietly over and over again amd it's something she seems to enjoy. I'm not proud of losing my patience with her, but she forgets it almost immediately.
     
  7. Summerheather

    Summerheather Registered User

    Feb 22, 2015
    160
    I've tried everything - it's really hard. Basically I remove myself to another room - even the toilet and lock the door!!
     
  8. hvml

    hvml Registered User

    Oct 10, 2015
    300
    North Cornwall
    It really is hard to be patient all the time, but I have found it can come with practice and I now find myself less snappish when dealing sigh the constant repetitions. If I do let my guard down, my Dad asks if I am cross with him and gets stuck in a loop on that. Going out of the room for a bit is good to gather your spirits. I have started knitting a jumper, so I have something nice to do when I sit with Dad.Apart from that, I try to get as good quality sleep as possible, napping when Dad does if I am tired.Also, I make sure I have nice little treats
     
  9. Dimelza

    Dimelza Registered User

    May 28, 2013
    130
    I find having an outlet for my frustration helps. My long suffering husband and my dads much younger sister both help with the care and understand.
    I'm no angel but I've never lost it with my dad in 8 years, I've no idea how! I keep the mantra that it's not his fault, going round my head. I can be quite volatile with a strong sense of justice and fight fiercely to protect my own. But I feel very sad that dads been struck by this cruel disease after working hard his whole life to provide for us and for his retirement only to be struck down before he even managed to retire.
    I realise it's "easier" as I work outside of the home but from 1700-0800 dads my second job, plus my young family, husband and studies. It's a huge juggling act but it won't be forever.
    It's perfectly natural to break from time to time. Don't beat yourself up.
     

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