How do you know when its time for a care home

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Dianneya, Oct 15, 2019.

  1. Dianneya

    Dianneya New member

    May 8, 2019
    8
    Just an update on where I am with Dad now. My sister, who lives near my Dad and doesn't work so goes in everyday to see him initially sent her daughter to speak to my daughter and to say that she felt dad should be in a care home but didn't want any involvement. I messaged her (she wont take my phone calls) and explained I had contacted a private care home that she said she wanted him in (I can see why it is like the best 5* hotel) and I had a meeting with them today. Last night I got a message from her saying she hadn't been consulted, that Dad had cognition and that she wanted to speak to the Dr and SW (which is fine) as she doesn't know how they did the assessment without her being there. I asked her to go to the assessments but refused. She said that I am only doing it because I don't want to visit dad and that I was cold and uncaring. Honestly it has had me in bits all day. I still think the best thing for Dad is probably to go into the care home as does SS but the idea of just dropping him off and knowing that he will hate me for it is breaking me and having my sister tell me the above has just made it even worse. Speaking to my Dads SW he feels the timing is right for Dad but dealing with the guilt is just awful. Dad is such a happy person as long as everything is done how he wants it doing but just now on the phone he said he was lonely and that broke by heart as well.
     
  2. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,901
    Female
    Your sister is being very unhelpful, particularly as it was her who suggested the care home. As she doesn't take your calls I guess you don't have a close relationship so I wouldn't let her hurtful comments worry you, she is just trying to wound you for reasons of her own.

    Fortunately the social worker sounds very helpful and is supporting you in moving your dad to a care home, so you can be reassured it is the right thing to do. Your dad will have constant company so you'll know he isn't lonely. I'm sure he won't hate you - my mother didn't seem to associate me with her move for some reason. Every time I went to visit in the first few months she said 'how did you find me'!
     

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