I would love some advice on how to handle the emotional swings that comes with dementia.
One second my father is happy the next is angry and yelling at me.
I try my best to ignore it and blame the disease, but it still hurts my feelings.
Hi Bear
My advice (as a newby who on one question has been castigated several times as not knowing - so take my advice with a pinch of salt)
But in my humble opinion, looking out for several dementia friends, go for it!
I too have 2 friends like your father 75 and 83 both male and a 93 year old female. (Female - me)
What do I do? exactly as it appears what you're not supposed to do. I say ****** it! I have found when my friends get annoyed/upset, it is invariably because they are muddled/annoyed that they can't remember etc. I told them to say ****** it!
So your Dad gets angry? Well, and I may well be shouted down. But I have found with the older generation, the old fashioned swear words help them enourmously. So you say to your father. 'Don't bloody take it out of me you bloody miserable B...... (said with a smile) absolutely stops them in their tracks.! then you need to make the conversation as you are the only one who knows your father.
Mine absolutely adore me, They can't swear to anyone else, but love me because they can get it off their chests. My adopted Granny 93 when she is in one hell of a muddle gets a modern swear word!!!! muddle stops, she bursts out laughing can't remember what was upsetting her and muddle sorted!
That's my 3. Not very PC, no doubt my method will be shouted down. but whilst I have 3 whom I'm in regular contact with. 2 closer to home absolutely love getting it off their chests!!!!
Sometimes I am finding its those old 'naughty' words which really help the frustration!
Wonderful, Wonderful!!
That's the best I've heard, I shall certainly remember, and try it!
It makes full sense, distraction and humour, got to work!
Bod
This needs pinning as good and useful advice.
I would love some advice on how to handle the emotional swings that comes with dementia.
One second my father is happy the next is angry and yelling at me.
I try my best to ignore it and blame the disease, but it still hurts my feelings.
Hi Bear
My advice (as a newby who on one question has been castigated several times as not knowing - so take my advice with a pinch of salt)
But in my humble opinion, looking out for several dementia friends, go for it!
I too have 2 friends like your father 75 and 83 both male and a 93 year old female. (Female - me)
What do I do? exactly as it appears what you're not supposed to do. I say ****** it! I have found when my friends get annoyed/upset, it is invariably because they are muddled/annoyed that they can't remember etc. I told them to say ****** it!
So your Dad gets angry? Well, and I may well be shouted down. But I have found with the older generation, the old fashioned swear words help them enourmously. So you say to your father. 'Don't bloody take it out of me you bloody miserable B...... (said with a smile) absolutely stops them in their tracks.! then you need to make the conversation as you are the only one who knows your father.
Mine absolutely adore me, They can't swear to anyone else, but love me because they can get it off their chests. My adopted Granny 93 when she is in one hell of a muddle gets a modern swear word!!!! muddle stops, she bursts out laughing can't remember what was upsetting her and muddle sorted!
That's my 3. Not very PC, no doubt my method will be shouted down. but whilst I have 3 whom I'm in regular contact with. 2 closer to home absolutely love getting it off their chests!!!!
Sometimes I am finding its those old 'naughty' words which really help the frustration!
I think practically everyone on TP has been there done that and going back for more. It seems some days you can take it other days you can't. Probably like the person with the disease.
I know everyone has their limits, carer and sufferer alike. But I also know how hard it is to keep being the person that is getting it in the neck, especially annoying when it's something you get shouted at , that you had no influence on. My Dad will snap over silly things and throw whatever he has on the floor like a child. He used to be the most patient person in my life but not anymore. But now I shout back!
Sometimes I do think older people in general believe they've earnt the right to say whatever they like whether it hurts or offends, the sort who used to push their way to the front of the bus queue when I was a kid even if they weren't at the front to start with! I have come to the conclusion that most of the older generation do become more self centred as they get older, and it increases with age to the point now that I think my Dad sees me as his skivvy now and taxi driver and little else, not his daughter he adored. But although I still adore him I too feel very hurt most days by his attitude and his lack of gratitude for the time I give him as I have so many other things to juggle in my life, and he won't accept anyone else to help.
Thank you beate.