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How do you explains to some one that he will never stand and walk again .

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
Ho been told today he can not stand and push up to stand and he will never do it .so bed bound and hosted to chair .he said he understood then said he use is stick I said it’s not possible as no strength in your upper body.he said he diet ing they explains it again he said ok .he keeps going on a-bought us going out shopping holidays we been or going to morrow
what should I say .to him it hard has eny one else had this and how to cope thanks
 

karaokePete

Registered User
Jul 23, 2017
5,646
N Ireland
Hello @vannesser.

If your husband is at an advanced stage of dementia there may be little, or no, point in trying to explain the situation. The ability to take explanations on board may be lost to him. I would put my wife at a moderate stage of her dementia and she has already lost the ability to hold onto explanations.

The time may have come for the use of diversions like changing the subject, saying "maybe tomorrow" or offering a cup of tea or the like. It won't be easy for you and I wish you strength.
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
Hello @vannesser.

If your husband is at an advanced stage of dementia there may be little, or no, point in trying to explain the situation. The ability to take explanations on board may be lost to him. I would put my wife at a moderate stage of her dementia and she has already lost the ability to hold onto explanations.

The time may have come for the use of diversions like changing the subject, saying "maybe tomorrow" or offering a cup of tea or the like. It won't be easy for you and I wish you strength.
Thank you not shour at what stage he is at ,as vascular dementia, goes but getting worse ,wil try above thanks for strength
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
71,945
Kent
Hello @vannesser

I used to tell my husband to keep eating good food to build up his strength to make his legs strong. It sounds as if your husband is trying to lose weight but good food can be had which is nourishing and healthy so this might work.

I take my hat off to you vannesser. You are caring for your husband in the most wonderful way. I hope you are getting some time to take care of yourself too.
 

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,637
Ireland
Also wishing you strength, Vanesser. It sounds like your husband has deteriorated a lot in the last while. It's certainly not easy, and I hope you have some support and get some time to yourself to relax.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,645
South coast
Hi @vannesser . Im afraid that you wont be able to explain to your OH that he will never be able to stand and walk again as he just wont be able to remember what he has been told. Mum lost a lot of mobility fter she had pneumonia and then a stroke and I used to tell her that she had been very ill and needed to build up her strength.

When mum talked about going on holiday, shopping or visiting people I just used to make neutral noises and say things like - that would be nice, Ill see what I can arrange, or - yes, maybe tomorrow, or - when you are stronger. It seemed cruel to keep telling her that she would never be able to do these things again.

I must say, that I dont know how you are managing with him still being at home, mum was in a care home when she reached that stage. I hope you are finding time for yourself too in all of this.
 

jaymor

Volunteer Moderator
Jul 14, 2006
13,256
England
I never told my husband, like others I always said sometime soon but for now you have to stay in bed. When the time came that he could no longer assisted to transfer from bed to chair the nursing home used a hoist. They rang me to tell me they would be using one for the first time and I fretted all morning about how he would accept it. When I arrived in the afternoon they said they had not had any problems at all, in fact he seemed to have enjoyed it. For a man who paced around from morning to night the final loss of mobility seemed to be accepted though probably because he was passed understanding.

You are doing a fine job @vannesser, it’s not easy and we can only do the best we can.
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
Its
Hi @vannesser . Im afraid that you wont be able to explain to your OH that he will never be able to stand and walk again as he just wont be able to remember what he has been told. Mum lost a lot of mobility fter she had pneumonia and then a stroke and I used to tell her that she had been very ill and needed to build up her strength.

When mum talked about going on holiday, shopping or visiting people I just used to make neutral noises and say things like - that would be nice, Ill see what I can arrange, or - yes, maybe tomorrow, or - when you are stronger. It seemed cruel to keep telling her that she would never be able to do these things again.

I must say, that I dont know how you are managing with him still being at home, mum was in a care home when she reached that stage. I hope you are finding time for yourself too in all of this.
Its diffecalt at min going out with friends as only out shoping 30 minits and he gets wored ,he thinks i been out all day ,
Memory geting worse ,he nows me most of time but the me he knows is 40 years yonger some times.i ring friend on regala basses when he a sleep as if i do it when he awake he thinks i care more abought them then him .
While i can manidge i will try .
It just depends as with things like thay are the going away ( just for a day .holidays ex)
Wont be hapening and rest of our lifes not good but will do best i can till.the day care home is needed .thank you for all your advic
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
13,645
South coast
Thats tough @vannesser . It sounds like he needs someone with him 24/7.
There are various charities like the Red Cross and Crossroads that will offer a befriending service to sit with him while you go out and I believe Age UK will do this too (although they do charge).

I dont think anyone would blame you if you decided enough is enough and looked for a care home
 

vannesser

Registered User
Apr 4, 2016
358
I never told my husband, like others I always said sometime soon but for now you have to stay in bed. When the time came that he could no longer assisted to transfer from bed to chair the nursing home used a hoist. They rang me to tell me they would be using one for the first time and I fretted all morning about how he would accept it. When I arrived in the afternoon they said they had not had any problems at all, in fact he seemed to have enjoyed it. For a man who paced around from morning to night the final loss of mobility seemed to be accepted though probably because he was passed understanding.

You are doing a fine job @vannesser, it’s not easy and we can only do the best we can.
This is a
I never told my husband, like others I always said sometime soon but for now you have to stay in bed. When the time came that he could no longer assisted to transfer from bed to chair the nursing home used a hoist. They rang me to tell me they would be using one for the first time and I fretted all morning about how he would accept it. When I arrived in the afternoon they said they had not had any problems at all, in fact he seemed to have enjoyed it. For a man who paced around from morning to night the final loss of mobility seemed to be accepted though probably because he was passed understanding.

You are doing a fine job @vannesser, it’s not easy and we can only do the best we can.
He been home 7 week from hospital after expected chest infecshion .unable to stand at all been in bed and hosted to chair when he àsked cares ,phisio try geting him to stand but said its strenth of uperbody no good ,so he hosted every day for 4 hours till know ,he is 77 i am 61 been marrid 40 year ,he still says he been out today.i only wish that was true but like you wont happen thanks for advice.his memery up and down gone back 41 year
 

CarolandVic

Registered User
May 1, 2020
12
Hi Vannesser I am so sorry and know exactly what you are going through. It comes on so suddenly doesn't it. It has happened to my hubby just this week. Last week he could walk using a rollator but now it's only a wheelchair. I have finally asked for help as he can't sit up in the mornings for me to dress him. I managed today, gave him his breakfast and for the first time he has slept ever since. The sleeping has become longer the last few days. I don't know how to tell him either so I shall just explain that it comes and goes. Next week he may be stronger and able to walk again. There are no answers with vascular it seems. We just have to find out as we go along and do the best we can.