Hi all, I just wanted some others opinions and advise.
I lost my dad earlier this year to dementia, he had been in a home for 2 years prior to his death, a place I became increasingly unhappy with but left him in as I felt a move to an unknown would be worse ( something I deeply regret now).
I am now the main carer for my mum who was diagnosed with mixed dementia nearly 3 years ago. She lives alone with her dog round the corner but is becoming increasing distressed especially in the evenings. She phones frequently from 6ish either looking for animals, saying the dog is lost, crying because the dog won't eat it's dinner or go to the toilet, looking for children or asking why she is in the place she is as it isn't her house. Tonight my sister phoned and she said a man was there, it transpires the nets had fallen down in the spare bedroom and she asked a man who was walking past if he could fix them. Poor bloke went into help and luckily was honest and all was ok but it is very worrying. I ended up going round as she then couldn't open the back door - she had every key in the house out.
By day she is not too bad, I go first thing and she is up and dressed, I do her breakfast then she takes the dogs out. She can put washing on ( sometimes uses fairy liquid) and is always dusting and sweeping up leaves. I go back after work in the week at lunchtime to make her something to eat and make her a salad for tea and feed the dog ( she would only eat toast, cakes or crisps if I didn't). She can't really concentrate on the TV or read anymore. She has also asked her friend who visits occasionally where my dad is.bbi also do her tablets, manage all her finances etc.
My two sisters feel it is time to start looking for a home due to her distress in the evenings ( if she is at my sisters and not alone at this time she is a bit manica cleaning or washing up but not upset).
Because she is still ok in the day to I worry she will hate a carehome ( she was a geriatric nurse and worked in a home when she left the NHS she always said she would rather die then go into one herself). She also loves to walk and would hate being stuck in a lounge all day with a TV on sitting in a big circle like my dad was.
My other worry is although she would be self funded for a while ( has about £50k spent most of there money on dads care) it won't last forever. The homes near us are either £2,500 a month ones the council use or £5,000+ a month luxury ones there doesn't seem to be anything inbetween.
I am not going to lie, the stress of looking after her, working part time and managing my own children ( both at home, one still at school)and OH is making me ill. I feel torn between them all.
I know there is no magic answer but wondered when others decided. Sorry for the long post,
I lost my dad earlier this year to dementia, he had been in a home for 2 years prior to his death, a place I became increasingly unhappy with but left him in as I felt a move to an unknown would be worse ( something I deeply regret now).
I am now the main carer for my mum who was diagnosed with mixed dementia nearly 3 years ago. She lives alone with her dog round the corner but is becoming increasing distressed especially in the evenings. She phones frequently from 6ish either looking for animals, saying the dog is lost, crying because the dog won't eat it's dinner or go to the toilet, looking for children or asking why she is in the place she is as it isn't her house. Tonight my sister phoned and she said a man was there, it transpires the nets had fallen down in the spare bedroom and she asked a man who was walking past if he could fix them. Poor bloke went into help and luckily was honest and all was ok but it is very worrying. I ended up going round as she then couldn't open the back door - she had every key in the house out.
By day she is not too bad, I go first thing and she is up and dressed, I do her breakfast then she takes the dogs out. She can put washing on ( sometimes uses fairy liquid) and is always dusting and sweeping up leaves. I go back after work in the week at lunchtime to make her something to eat and make her a salad for tea and feed the dog ( she would only eat toast, cakes or crisps if I didn't). She can't really concentrate on the TV or read anymore. She has also asked her friend who visits occasionally where my dad is.bbi also do her tablets, manage all her finances etc.
My two sisters feel it is time to start looking for a home due to her distress in the evenings ( if she is at my sisters and not alone at this time she is a bit manica cleaning or washing up but not upset).
Because she is still ok in the day to I worry she will hate a carehome ( she was a geriatric nurse and worked in a home when she left the NHS she always said she would rather die then go into one herself). She also loves to walk and would hate being stuck in a lounge all day with a TV on sitting in a big circle like my dad was.
My other worry is although she would be self funded for a while ( has about £50k spent most of there money on dads care) it won't last forever. The homes near us are either £2,500 a month ones the council use or £5,000+ a month luxury ones there doesn't seem to be anything inbetween.
I am not going to lie, the stress of looking after her, working part time and managing my own children ( both at home, one still at school)and OH is making me ill. I feel torn between them all.
I know there is no magic answer but wondered when others decided. Sorry for the long post,
