How do you deal with the agression

[Bree]

My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, although we have suspected for a while that he has been suffering from the disease. He has been prescribed Aricept 10 mg, and things seem to be slowing down, however he has bouts of rage, never physical, but verbal, over absolutely nothing. I usually end up in tears, and hate facing the neighbours.

Do you have the same experience, and if so, how do you cope with it ?

Bree

 

[1954]

My husband has been diagnosed with Alzheimers, although we have suspected for a while that he has been suffering from the disease. He has been prescribed Aricept 10 mg, and things seem to be slowing down, however he has bouts of rage, never physical, but verbal, over absolutely nothing. I usually end up in tears, and hate facing the neighbours.

Do you have the same experience, and if so, how do you cope with it ?

Bree

Hi Bree and welcome to TP

The aggression is a terrible thing to cope with. Have you spoken to the GP about it yet?

 

[Noorza]

For me I duck and run but I don't live with my mum so my front door has been my saviour. I do think it might be wise to consider a "safe place" in the house or outside of it even where you can go to get away from it.

I hate the rage, the aggression and it has turned violent too, that's when I learned to "duck and run", as I won't put myself in harms way, so be careful and watch yourself. I'd also support those who are advising a visit to the GP.

 

[1954]

I agree with Noorza, duck and run. I always leave the room, walk away. Its very very difficult and I have had many hours of tears, hopefully for you the aggressive stage will pass x

 

[Noorza]

I find the confabulation really really difficult too. The things I am guilty of, would have been put in goal if half were real but as the stories are half based in reality, some people have believed them. That's really tough.

 

[1954]

Yes Noorza most people believe MIL's confabulations. It drives me mad. The only two people who don't believe them are me and hubby!

 

[Noorza]

Yes Noorza most people believe MIL's confabulations. It drives me mad. The only two people who don't believe them are me and hubby!

Confabulation 1

I've deliberately given her soup to give her diahorrea.

Fact: I did buy the soup. Fact: She did get diahorrea. Fiction: I did not poison the soup, the soup didn't cause the diahorrea.

I'm worse than Crippen.

Confabulation 2

I conspire with the nurses to keep her in hospital by hiding her medications.

Fact: I do discuss managing discharge with the nurses (she has many, many hospital admittances over the last few years). Fact: I visit her every day she is in and it's a right royal pain and inconvenience, it's easier for me to have her local to me. If she wanders from where she's supposed to be ie the discharge lounge, the tablets get sent back to the ward. Then it's a tablet hunt complete with rage against the nurses and me for "trying to make her stay in hospital longer". Sighs................. Then she will be home phoning everyone to tell them how awful I've been.....

I've given up trying to defend my good name if anyone wants to believe it, then they don't know me very well. It's no loss.

 

[1954]

Poor you. I have a conspiracy with the hospital, GP, psychiatrist, CT scan results etc etc against her. Its all my fault. She is faultless. Perfect. Healthy. Her memory is more perfect than it has ever been...........Her son is perfect

I am not at my wits end. I am just stating facts

 

[Noorza]

I am so glad you are being consistent 1954. Nothing worse than leaving one of the specialist out.

 

[Bree]

Thank you for your replies, yes I have spoke to the MH nurse and GP about this, but they won't give medication to control his rages. OK for them, they don't live with it. All I can do is go into another room, as I won't go out in floods of tears, but that doesn't make me feel any better when facing my neighbours. I have explained to my nearest neighbour bless her, who seems to understand.

 

[SueShell]

I get this all the time with my Mum. I've learnt to just walk away, do something else and go back a bit later. I try and do what's right for my Mum but all she says is that I'm nagging her, so now I let her get on with it and everytime she gets verbally aggressive, which is pretty much most of the time I just leave her.

 

[Haylett]

Thank you for your replies, yes I have spoke to the MH nurse and GP about this, but they won't give medication to control his rages. OK for them, they don't live with it. All I can do is go into another room, as I won't go out in floods of tears, but that doesn't make me feel any better when facing my neighbours. I have explained to my nearest neighbour bless her, who seems to understand.

Dear Bree

I'd echo all of the good advice given by 1954 and Noorza. Do you get any help, and if not, is there a chance that you might be able to, via a GP recommendation to SS or...? I think one of the hardest things about dealing with aggression and all the accusations (especially when everyone else is so sublime! as is usually the case), is bearing it all on your own.

At least if you were to have some help from another quarter, there is someone else who might be able to back you up with regard to having to deal with your husband's outbursts. (Though it's also surprising how those with dementia don't display quite the same aggression to "outsiders" - I think that's a testament to trust probably.)

And I completely agree with Noorza - those who matter, know the person you are; for the rest, it isn't important. Mum's aggressive phase passed - though my MIL is still a bit "slappy!" Bopped just this morning for getting her out of bed...

 

[Noorza]

Thank you for your replies, yes I have spoke to the MH nurse and GP about this, but they won't give medication to control his rages. OK for them, they don't live with it. All I can do is go into another room, as I won't go out in floods of tears, but that doesn't make me feel any better when facing my neighbours. I have explained to my nearest neighbour bless her, who seems to understand.

Don't worry about the neighbours, I'd tell them so that they will look out for your safety too. If they just hear the ranting they may think it's domestic violence, if they know it is the demon dementia they at least can look out for you.

I had to tell my neighbours after Mum was kicking my door shouting all kinds. I hid.

I don't want to sound over dramatic here but the emergency services can flag the telephone number so they are aware if any incidents happen. Mum had made a number of calls reporting contaminated water, she's forgotten she has put eggs on and the fire alarm has gone off, the police called me, had a microwave fire again.

I didn't get them to flag it, it was done by them and they later told me. I think it was because there were a number of incidents that made the operator suspect dementia.

They also have a link to my numbers on their system somewhere so if mum is in trouble I get the call whether she uses the Age Concern Alarm or 999 they call me straight afterwards as I'll get there in minutes.

Keyboxes are good too as the emergency services have the code (also useful for lost keys in emergencies. You may not use it but they are an insurance policy.

Just things to think about on a practical level.

 

[Bree]

Thanks again, it's good to know I'm not alone. We have only lived here a year, and so my neighbours don't know us too well. I suppose I can go knocking on doors, but my OH would want to know why I was doing it, very difficult. As you also point out, he is rarely like it outside the house, so to all intents and purposes, he seems ok to most people.

 

[1954]

Ah but would he remember why you had done it, begs the question?

 

[PaulaA]

I think my Dad may have early stage alzheimers. Or maybe I am looking for an excuse for his behaviour.
He talks a whole lot of rubbish and gets quite shirty if you disagree with him.
He tells you the same story a few times.
He has also in the last couple of years had situations where he lashes out at my Mother (they have no children at home). Tonight he saw the birthday calendar on her facebook and starting asking why she didn't have his birthday on there - she explained to him that he is not on FB and this is why - so he just flipped and told her she had to get rid of FB or he will throw her tablet in the bin.
He had the same sort of outbursts when they had a dog (Dog ended up having to go) and just random ridiculous things.
He's a stubborn old ****** and won't listen to anyone, but I am at that stage where I just don't want to talk to him anymore.

His Father died mid-60s (Dad is 70 next year) and his Mother died about 80 with nothing like alzheimer's. She did have a history of Polio.

Any help appreciated - do you think it's worth having the argument with him of getting himself looked into?

 

[lin1]

PaulaA
I am sorry to hear about your fears for your Dad and what is happening to you all.

You do need to be really careful when the person could become aggressive
If at all possible, try to make a safe place indoors where you can lock/bolt the door on the inside, have access to a phone so you /mum can phone for help, this would probably need to be the police.
They are very good when they know the person is ill.

The only way to start finding out what is wrong with your dad is via the GP. It's a good idea to secretly from dad keep a diary on the problems dad has , is causing aand get this to the GP.

Their are a few things that could be causing this that are often easily treated, a blood test will show up if he is lacking something that can cause symptoms of Dementia ie low in Thyroid, Folic acid

In the meantime this old thread may help to defuse a difficult situation
It may not work but if it does it wont work all of the time , its also not an easy act to follow

http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

Personally i wouldnt try to force Dad to go to the GP, as he may dig his heels in and or become nasty, unfortunately many of us need to learn to tell a white lie or resort to subtrifuge, ie getting the GP to call him in for say a well man check

I hope this helps

 

[lin1]

PaulaA
I hope you dont mind me suggesting this, but it would be a good idea if you asked one of our Modereators to move your thread to one of your own as you will get more replies

If you are happy to do this just leave a message here

 

[zeeeb]

In theory (I've not had to put it into practice touch wood) I would tend to go down the same way i'd treat a 3 year old throwing a tantrum. Walk away and not allow them to speak to me in such a manner.

Come back when they have calmed down or forgotten the incident.

 

[PaulaA]

Good afternoon all

Thank you for your replies and advice.
I have spoken to my Dad's sister who has also noticed a change.
My younger sister has agreed to try to talk to him, as she is really the only one that he shares his little secrets with. I think he will listen calmly to her more than the rest of us.

It's so hard to know where to start isn't it? How to approach the situation. I had to leave work today as I just couldn't concentrate on anything there, but I am feeling better this afternoon after speaking to my Aunt and my sister about it a bit more.