1. Grin

    Grin Registered User

    May 22, 2016
    My husband has not been diagnosed, but during last two,years I have lost my mum and dad,to this,so,I,am fully aware.
    I have seen his doctor and mine, both say they will test him, but don't.
    How,do you cope, I am going crazy
    He is so demanding, wants me to,take him out every day and demands everything
    Today I had hospital when I got home he had coat and shoes,on and got very nasty when I said I needed lunch.
    He just sits on sofa, I have to do everything, it's difficult to find time to take him out every day.
    I,work two morning each week, my lifeline, but feel I have to stop as his demands are great.
    Am I selfish to want a life
  2. jenniferjean

    jenniferjean Registered User

    Apr 2, 2016
    Basingstoke, Hampshire
    No you're not selfish, it's just so unfair. As this dreadful disease progresses we have to put our own lives on hold.
    But you do need to push for a diagnosis.
  3. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    hello @Grin
    welcome to posting

    no way are you selfish, having something for yourself is so important

    I do agree, though, that you need to become a pest with the GP ... I don't understand how a GP can agree there's a need to check your husband over but then not do any tests
    write a list of all your concerns, all the things your husband cannot do for homself now, how you have to support him and the effect this is having and give specific examples of issues over the last week ... send this to the GP, ask for a referral to the local memory clinic and say you will make an appointment at the surgery for your husband in a week (tell your husband it's for the yearly check up/flu jab ... any excuse)
  4. Bunpoots

    Bunpoots Registered User

    Apr 1, 2016
    Hello from me too @Grin

    No, not at all selfish...everyone needs time to themselves.

    Is there any chance you could persuade him to go to daycare or men in sheds or something like that? That way he could go out and you could have time off.
  5. Larker

    Larker Registered User

    Mar 1, 2019
    East Yorkshire
    No not selfish just human. I'm in the same situation. I love my OH but no longer able to leave him on his own. It makes me feel sad seeing the dependent person he is now. I cry a lot which is not good for either if us. I need time away to feel normal again. Best wishes x
  6. leslyz

    leslyz Registered User

    Oct 24, 2015
    You are not selfish in the slightest, you are exhausted and stressed and deserve some support. This is so awful for you. The hardest thing is getting other people to recognise the problem. It doesn't make sense that the doctors haven't tested him. I agree with Shedrech about making a list and giving it to the gp. when I was struggling to get a diagnosis for mum I actually wrote a letter to the gp and requested an appointment. When it's in writing they have to respond. I really hope you get somewhere with this soon it must be so hard. Meanwhile maybe consider contacting local carers organisation or the alzheimers support group in your area for help. And keep posting, at least you can sound off here and share your frustrations. It's such a cruel illness and it sounds like you've already had more than your fair share of dealing with this in your family. Take care.
  7. GMRB

    GMRB New member

    Oct 24, 2019
    I have same problem - always wants to go out - can't get jobs done in the home and no escape - he's like my shadow. I fluctuate between sad and angry. Communication very difficult - low volume speech, forgotten or incorrect words; when I ask him to start his sentence again, it's usually "I can't remember". a frustrating life for both of us.
  8. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    just to say welcome @GMRB
    sharing experiences here does help
    I hope you'll find DTP supportive
  9. Suzerella

    Suzerella New member

    Oct 25, 2019
    Feel for you
  10. Lirene

    Lirene Registered User

    Sep 15, 2019
    My prayers are for everyone xx
  11. Dimpsy

    Dimpsy Registered User

    Sep 2, 2019
    Don't give up your job, it might seem like the easy solution but it gives you your independence (for a few hours), income and the opportunity to mix with other people and converse in everything but dementia.

    As others have said, it is important to get a medical diagnosis for your husband; that should open up the different avenues of benefits you both may be entitled to and the types of care and support that is available in your area.

    Do you have family who can step in and help you? Don't be afraid to ask for support, from within the family and outside organisations, you may be pleasantly surprised.
  12. Kentish lady

    Kentish lady New member

    Oct 25, 2019
    MY husband first went to his doctor for something else and I told him we were worried about his memory. The doctor gave him a 10 minute memory test that is on their computer, and when he got a bad result he said he could be referred to the local memory clinic. They did more tests and after a while my husband has a care co Ordinator and I have had loads of information and a home visit and lots of support. There is help out there get help by taking your husband to the doctors or go on your own if he wont go!!!! Good luck. It all takes time so get started now!!
  13. DesperateofDevon

    DesperateofDevon Registered User

    Jul 7, 2019
    I found out yesterday that you can self refer to your local clinal mental health team. Have a look on the internet & ring!
    Glad my newfound knowledge might help someone!

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