Reducing the constant questions...a little
Hi,
Mum asks the same question over and over too, It is not always the same question every day. The questions are about whatever she is worrying about at that time. Why this, when that and the other...relentless and draining.
Naturally, giving the same, logical response each time doesn't have any lasting effect...
However, we have recently started experimenting with slightly different responses. Some responses don't make any difference at all to the frequency of the questions. However, finding the 'right' answer seems to settle her mind and her anxiety levels.
Even "what day is it today?" can be loaded with significance - Mum knows on some level that some days have good things that happen (eg the gardener comes on a Saturday who she loves to chat with) or it could be a day that she sometimes goes to meet old friends or goes out for lunch. Or even a regular day that held significance years ago can still bring anxieties and expectation. The day she used to put the bins out for example. To work out what is in her mind when she asks these questions is key. Of course she could never tell me why she asked that question, but there are often clues.
This method has even been so successful at times that the original question is forgotten. When we don't get the 'right' answer, her questions and worries continue as before. But the 'Goldilocks answer' that is 'just right' and acceptable to her can have a really magical effect. It's such a great feeling, knowing that Mum's anxiety has eased a little for a while.
This may not work for everyone - I get that, but I thought it was worth sharing because it works often for Mum and there are times that I have cried with relief when it works.
Hi,
Mum asks the same question over and over too, It is not always the same question every day. The questions are about whatever she is worrying about at that time. Why this, when that and the other...relentless and draining.
Naturally, giving the same, logical response each time doesn't have any lasting effect...
However, we have recently started experimenting with slightly different responses. Some responses don't make any difference at all to the frequency of the questions. However, finding the 'right' answer seems to settle her mind and her anxiety levels.
Even "what day is it today?" can be loaded with significance - Mum knows on some level that some days have good things that happen (eg the gardener comes on a Saturday who she loves to chat with) or it could be a day that she sometimes goes to meet old friends or goes out for lunch. Or even a regular day that held significance years ago can still bring anxieties and expectation. The day she used to put the bins out for example. To work out what is in her mind when she asks these questions is key. Of course she could never tell me why she asked that question, but there are often clues.
This method has even been so successful at times that the original question is forgotten. When we don't get the 'right' answer, her questions and worries continue as before. But the 'Goldilocks answer' that is 'just right' and acceptable to her can have a really magical effect. It's such a great feeling, knowing that Mum's anxiety has eased a little for a while.
This may not work for everyone - I get that, but I thought it was worth sharing because it works often for Mum and there are times that I have cried with relief when it works.
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