How do you cheer yourself up?

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Grable, Oct 7, 2018.

  1. Grable

    Grable Registered User

    May 19, 2015
    Yesterday, I walked into town and found the shops filling up with Christmas things and I was surprised by an overwhelming sadness, so much so that by the time I got home I was in floods of tears. This isn't like me, but...

    Christmas was always a great time in our house. Dad- who died of cancer 14 years ago - always loved Christmas, and when he died, I made sure I was with Mum at that time and made it my job to ensure that she, my brother and his family all had a good time. Things between my brother's family and Mum soured over the years - I think his wife was jealous of any affection shown to Mum - and gradually that made life more and more difficult. In fact, in the last two years of Mum's life, I think she saw her grandchildren just once …. and they (aged 17 and 18) didn't attend the funeral. I'm sure you can imagine what all of this did to my relationship with that side of the family.

    Mum died in April last year. I made sure last Christmas that there was plenty to do - and I made the effort to go and see my brother and his family, bearing gifts as always. I also arranged for me and my husband to meet up with them in March of this year, to try to rebuild bridges - the kids decided not to come.

    So, seeing all that Christmas stuff just brought home to me how different Christmases are going to be from now on, with just me and my husband (who hates Christmas, anyway!)

    I've been described in the past as 'being blessed with a sunny disposition, and it's true that I can usually find a positive in most situations. Maybe that's why I was so floored by my emotions yesterday. It made me wonder what others do to cheer themselves up when they're going through a sad patch.
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    I do nothing. I allow myself to be fed up, knowing it won't last because it rarely does. It`s a cliche I know . Its called going with the flow.

    Unless you are clinically depressed, its perfectly natural to have occasional off days, especially if you have had big changes in your life.
  3. SpanishAnnie

    SpanishAnnie Registered User

    Apr 26, 2018
    When I’m a little low, I try to find things I enjoy doing to lift my spirits. Watering and tending to my plants is very enjoyable, I love to see how plants how come on, if there’s new flowers etc. Sometimes moving into another room of the house can help. I sit many hours with my FIL, answering those usual repeated questions and entertaining him. So just a move to another room with another aspect changes the mood. Sometime my FIL will come with me and it also helps change his spirits too ! Win-win ☺️ Sometimes doing one of those time consuming jobs like sorting a wardrobe out, cleaning the kitchen cupboards, getting charity bags off to the shops etc, help me feel like I’ve achieved something and gives me a positive feeling. I love Christmas too and I can see it has a very special place in your heart, yes it has changed and won’t be the same, but maybe doing everything Christmas for you and the memories you had might lift your spirits when the times comes, get the sherry out, Christmas music on and have a blast, you deserve it !
  4. DeMartin

    DeMartin Registered User

    Jul 4, 2017
    Have you thought of a holiday over Christmas shopping, we went to Spain one year, no carols in the shops, no Xmas TV, a Spanish/British meal, sunshine. A real change of experience.
  5. tryingmybest

    tryingmybest Registered User

    May 22, 2015
    #5 tryingmybest, Oct 8, 2018
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2018
    I too am blessed with a sunny disposition Grable, and my Dad taught me to always count my blessings and of that I am grateful, and I do, every day. People always say they don't know how I keep so positive with all that life has thrown at me and now, caring on my own for Mum in my home, with advanced dementia.

    I get so much joy from so many things and truly believe there is so much beauty all around us that can lift ones spirits.....a sunrise or sunset, the turning colours of the trees at the moment, different birds at the feeders etc. I'm constantly in awe of how beautiful nature is and it's all free. You just have to look. Also listening to music with a cuppa next to the woodburner with candles lit in the lounge or a nice piece of homemade cake and a coffee sitting together at the kitchen table. Just simple things do it for me, plus of course, my lovely dogs (5 collies and a saluki, all rescued) who keep me going in the face of adversity. Mum has never had dogs or any animals but she's had to get to like them here! I think they help her, as she often is stroking them or chatting to them in her gobblygook way and they love the extra attention!!

    As for Christmas, it is a very difficult time for many people and I try to ignore it as much as possible. The past few years I've been to a restaurant on Christmas Day with friends. So many family members have fallen by the wayside but I remember with much joy the Christmasses of years ago in London when we were all together and grandparents and great aunts were still here. Im so lucky I had all those special times which many children nowadays do not experience.
  6. malengwa

    malengwa Registered User

    Jan 26, 2017
    I don't like Christmas and mum died just before last year so Christmas will always be tinged with the sadness of losing her but the happiness of memories. When I'm really down, I do one of three things. Spend time in my new greenhouse which mums money paid for and there I feel close to her. 2 I remember her life, the things we did together or that made me laugh. 3 I have a good bawl. I do try to not be in public when that happens but I do tend to feel better afterwards.
    It's sad when family breaks down, perhaps you will build bridges over time, maybe you won't. Try to just 'be' this year with your husband. Or go way out and volunteer at a shelter. I know that sounds daft but when my daughter left home at 17 we had no idea whether she was safe or where she was. Christmas was awful, so we decided to give our time to a homeless group believing that wherever she was she was also safe and fed. We did this for two years then she came back, baby in tow. Sorry off at a tangent a bit but its a thought

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