How do we get through to my grandad?!

[Hayleyjade93]

My Nan was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s over 2 years ago, she lived at home and my grandad became her main carer along with myself and my mum. Things such as feeding herself and personal care she can do herself but she quickly lost the concept of what was going on around her and her short term memory deteriorated.
When lockdown began my grandad became isolated with just my Nan and from this point my Nans condition spiralled and deteriorated very quickly with her becoming violent and aggressive and causing a lot of strain on my grandad. We fought and fought to get her into respite and she was in for 6 weeks initially, we then had her home but after 12 hours things had got bad again my grandad couldn’t cope and we managed to get her back into the same home.

he now is determined he’s getting her home, she is becoming very challenging, the social worker, manager and staff of the home and us are all trying to explain to him it would not be safe for him or for her and he will not be able to meet her needs but he shuts down and doesn’t want to listen. He thinks she’s only like this because she’s in there and will be better at home, his heart is ruling his head. We’ve even looked into using the POA my mum and uncle have but they have no rights as my grandad has equal POAso he can overrule.

is there anything we can do to get through to him/ any support that could explain to him?

 

[Louise7]

It's a difficult situation but from what you have posted I doubt that you will be able to get through to your Grandad. As both social services and the care home feel that it would not be safe for your nan to return home they can put in place a Deprivation of Liberty Safeguarding order (DoLS) to ensure that your Grandad can not remove her from the home. A DoLS order is pretty much standard practice for those in care homes and it's all about keeping the residents safe. It can take several months for one to be put in place but they can be authorised more quickly if necessary and it will mean that legally your Grandad will not be allowed to take her home no matter how much he wants to as safeguarding takes precedent over what a POA wants. Details are here, and maybe speak to the care home manager and social worker about your concerns so that they can consider this, if they haven't already: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/deprivation-liberty-safeguards-dols

 

[Hayleyjade93]

It's a difficult situation but from what you have posted I doubt that you will be able to get through to your Grandad. As both social services and the care home feel that it would not be safe for your nan to return home they can put in place a Deprivation of Liberty Safeguarding order (DoLS) to ensure that your Grandad can not remove her from the home. A DoLS order is pretty much standard practice for those in care homes and it's all about keeping the residents safe. It can take several months for one to be put in place but they can be authorised more quickly if necessary and it will mean that legally your Grandad will not be allowed to take her home no matter how much he wants to as safeguarding takes precedent over what a POA wants. Details are here, and maybe speak to the care home manager and social worker about your concerns so that they can consider this, if they haven't already: https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/deprivation-liberty-safeguards-dols

Hi thank you for your reply
They already have. DoLs in place as my Nan says constantly everyday that she wants to go home but doesn’t have capacity. But this is only to ensure they are allowed to keep her there it doesn’t actually stop my grandad from taking her home. The social worker is speaking with her superiors etc to see if there is anymore she could do.

I just wondered if there was any agency’s or anything we could get to contact my grandad to try get through ?

 

[canary]

Talk to the Social Worker about this.
I have a feeling that the ultimate "fix" is a Deprivation of Liberty Order (not a DoLS), which is done through the court, but this may be a sledgehammer response. The SW might have a better idea.