How do we get the Power of Attorney?

[Yjess]

My Dad has Alzheimer's & Mum is his career, I am the only child.

Dad has always dealt with the finances & gets very frustrated if Mum wants to do anything (they have a joint account & personal accounts).

We had a PoA drawn up just before Dad was formally diagnosed (prob 2 yrs ago now) but it's not been activated & Mum keeps saying she can't bring herself to do it yet as it will upset Dad BUT I think it's imperative as he's deteriorated so much recently.

What happens if she just leaves it? I don't want her to be unable to access the money for bills, etc.

This is all so hard - they've been married nearly 55 years. X

 

[jenniferpa]

Hi and welcome to Talking Point.

Well if she doesn't activate it, and the bank decides to take a hard line in the event they discover that your father has lost capacity (if he has) then yes, any joint accounts could be frozen. And of course your mother would not be able to access any accounts in his name (such as ISAs for example). If the bank did that then you mother would have to register the LPA which takes 9-12 weeks.

The trouble is, if your mother won't do, she won't do it. Has she considered opening another account in her sole name where she could have any income (such as pensions) that are in her name paid into? That would give her a buffer, although of course this might be tantamount to telling your father that she thinks he has lost capacity if he's still looking at bank statements.

edited to add: sorry I see you say they have personal accounts. Well she'd be able to access her own personal account but not your father's at all and possibly not the joint (see above).

The trouble is, it's not just about money management. What about bills like gas and electric - are they in just your father's name? Because if so, and the LPA isn't registered, these companies may well refuse to talk to her if your father is unable to.

 

[Yjess]

I'm not sure about the bills - I'll check with Mum.

Sadly, she really doesn't want to look ahead because it's too frightening - she just wants to take each day as it comes ... I know she's in for a nasty shock when he gets really bad

So, so hard. I want to help Mum but don't want to upset/worry Dad. He can't manage the finances - even about 6 months ago he cancelled all the various insurances that were still in his name. Luckily Mum found out & got them re-instated!

It's so stressful, isn't it? I teach p/t & have a 4.5yr old daughter but I try to see them 3/4 x a week & phone Mum twice a day but it's exhausting. Love them both SO much! X

 

[Serato]

You say PoA not 'activated' - which could mean it is not registered, as stated this would take 9 or so weeks, or it is registered but not used eg by presenting to bank; this will also depend on wording (at Para 5 I think) whether you will have to prove 'loss of capacity', or a general PoA has been granted by your father ie not dependent on capacity.
Whilst I haven't had to be involved in PoA in practice, I remain puzzled that it is seen as being required to conduct day to day financial transactions such as paying utility bills, especially when the donor (your father) has always dealt with this aspect of family life, the Attorney is legally required to assume the donor is capable of making his own decision, which clearly wouldn't be 'don't pay the bills'.

Good luck.

 

[jenniferpa]

I don't think you'd have a problem paying bills without a registered LPA, since most companies are only too happy to take your money. The difficulties arise when there is a problem that you need to talk to them about: that's when they start wanting to talk to the account holder.

 

[Dancing Demon]

Please, please, please get it registered asap - this is then just one more thing that you wont have to worry about.

It is so much easier doing things in a controlled manner than when they are forced upon you.

I do fully understand your Mum's attitude - my mother was the same over residential care and leaving it to the day she just effectively said I can't do it any more and she walked away has been a nightmare.

The one thing I have learned over the past few days is although nothing will be easy, the more preparation you can do, and the more information you can find out the better.

Good luck.

 

[clareglen]

Talk to your mum on your own & insist she does it/you do it. By activate do you mean it hasn't been registered, if so, post it off, it costs £110 (price came down in Oct). I did one for my mum & it has been accepted & should be coming mid Jan. It does take time as notices for people to be notified take 3 weeks, then they process it & there is another couple of weeks for the attorney(s) to object if they want. It would be worth your while checking over the forms; the application form & the actual POA form & all the notices.

If you mean that it has been registered but not used then it isn't a problem. Just start using it when needed.

 

[Witzend]

My mother did not want her P of A activated, although she had set it up herself pre dementia. But as so often, once we needed to use it because her Alz. had got so bad, she could not accept that there was anything wrong with her. But a large cheque had gone missing and been cashed (by heaven knows who) so it was urgent. My brother simply got very tough with her and said she HAD to sign, or else. But I know this can be so hard to do in practice - everyone tends to pussyfoot about on eggshells in order not to upset the person.
Is there any reasonably authoritative family friend who could be roped in as extra ammunition, as it were?

My mother was certainly very upset and tearful at the time, but mercifully, because her short term memory was so bad, very quickly forgot all about it.