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How do I support my parents?

Discussion in 'Recently diagnosed and early stages of dementia' started by eandcsmum, Mar 20, 2017.

  1. eandcsmum

    eandcsmum Registered User

    Mar 20, 2017
    Hi. My dad has just been diagnosed with vascular dementia. He's ok and not worried about it which is a good thing. I'd like to know best ways to support him when he gets confused in conversations.
    Also suggestions for supporting my mum - she's just 70 and very active/busy and I know she's finding the sudden changes hard.
  2. HillyBilly

    HillyBilly Registered User

    Dec 21, 2015
    Hi Sara and welcome to Talking Point (TP).
    Here is a link to info on what's called Compassionate Communication that may help you when dealing with your Dad's confusion in conversations.
    It will probably also help your Mum to have a read of it.

    Ironically, it's probably your Mum who needs your support right now rather than your Dad!

    There are many practical things that will need to be taken care of such as applying for Attendance Allowance, sorting Power of Attorney, getting their finances in order etc and which your mum will no doubt welcome getting some help. Also things like preparing their home with any future-proofing adaptations, even if not needed yet.
    Encourage your Mum to keep up with her own activities and life. It might be that will entail your Dad going to a day care centre or having a sitter or befriender come to the house so that your Mum can get out. The Alzheimer's Society is a great source of info and advice.

    Sorry - my reply is a bit rushed but I'm sure you'll get lots of other advice soon. Keep posting and asking away!
  3. Greycardi

    Greycardi Registered User

    Sep 26, 2015
    sorry to hear about your Dad's diagnosis. My suggestions would be as follows:
    * read up on the signs of a stroke and make sure other family members do as well. Vascular dementia involves a lot of small strokes
    * be aware that changes in environment and routine can be much harder for a person with vascular dementia
    * don't do everything for your dad, don't switch into nurse mode too early
    * consider reducing the risk of falls around your parents' home
    * look around nursing homes - don't leave it to the last minute
    * ask your Dad about his wishes for end of life/funeral. I know it is horrible and hard but believe me, there is only a limited window of opportunity to collect this information
    Spoken from experience with a family member. Take care, GC
  4. Emms

    Emms Registered User

    Mar 18, 2017
    Thank you for this link to. I will have a read. My mum recently diagnosed with the same. Doesn't get lost out and about as yet. But her memory, communication, concentration is bad. Me and my dad are struggling not to snap at her . I know it doesn't help. But I need advice on what to do.

    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
  5. eandcsmum

    eandcsmum Registered User

    Mar 20, 2017
    Thank you all. Very fortunately they have sorted carers allowance and power of attorney.
    And yes, it will be my mum that needs support - she still does go out and see friends etc which I'm glad about.
    The communication article was really useful so I'll be passing on to her and my brother.
    Thanks again - it's very overwhelming at the moment even tho we knew what it was likely to be.
  6. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    It's Attendace Allowance that a pwd is entitled to. Lower rate if only daytime care is needed, higher rate if night care is also required. Carers allowance is just for carers. Council tax reduction is also available. It all helps!

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