1. Expert Q&A: Benefits - Weds 23 October, 3-4pm

    Our next expert Q&A will be on the topic of benefits. It will be hosted by Lauren from our Knowledge Services team. She'll be answering your questions on Wednesday 23 October between 3-4pm.

    You can either post your question >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll be happy to ask them on your behalf.

How do i start a new chapter?

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by Baby Bunty, Feb 13, 2019.

  1. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    Hi we had mums funeral yesterday it was truelly amazing..so so beatiful from start to finish. I had wrote mums euroly and it all came from the heart .i didnt think for one minute i would be able to read it out!!but i did i am so so proud of myself..Really proud..i felt that this was my last deed for mum..and wanted to her to be so so proud!x today i am sitting here at home and i am wondering what do i do know!!!.mum was always my first priority..my fisrt thought off a morning and last one at night..i phone home at 6 every morning to see if she slept well!!!.the past 3 weeks i have organised most off funeral. I wrote the verses for local paper..i wrote euroly..orginising flowers..who going in what car..59 people to orgnise..so to say i been busy is an understatement..mum been home for 2 days..i slepted in room with mum..to say i am exhausted is putting it mildly...so today no family now all myself till daughter got home from school and i honestly did not know what to do with myself!!..
  2. 70smand

    70smand Registered User

    Dec 4, 2011
    I’m so sorry for your loss @Baby Bunty. Although I’ve not been in this position I have heard that there is usually not time to grieve until after the funeral and that’s when the reality and enormity of your loss sinks in. Well done on arranging such a lovely send off for your mum, that must be a comfort to you. Please be gentle with yourself, but allow some time for you to do some things you maybe put on hold before when you were caring for your mum. I know when I was helping my mum care for dad before he went into his care home I could not plan anything as I didn’t know when I would be needed, and gave up some nights out and clubs because I couldn’t commit to them. I also realise that for a few years my teenage daughter probably didn’t get as much of my time as she deserved. Maybe you could plan a nice day out with your daughter, or a friend to look forwards to, nothing extravagant, but just something you may not have been able to do for a while. Take care of yourself. Sending you a big virtual hug x
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    There is no need to do anything for now @Baby Bunty. You will have a big hole in your life now and there`ll be a long period of adjustment while you come to terms with the loss of your mother.

    If you can, try to rest and relax so you can have some quality time with your daughter when she comes home. She will be feeling the loss of her grandma and I hope you will be able to comfort each other.
  4. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    Hi went up to grave today to sort flowers..we asked for family only and donations to Alzheimer's...we opened box today and got a whooping 630 pound...i was amazed..so will get a cheque posted ASAP. Xx
  5. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    So sorry for your loss babybunty it may help to keep posting on TP for a while xxx
  6. AliceA

    AliceA Registered User

    May 27, 2016
    Just give yourself time, and self compassion too. X
  7. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    Keep looking at mums photo..feel lost and lonely.xxx
  8. 2jays

    2jays Registered User

    Jun 4, 2010
    West Midlands
    I hear you. I understand

    It won’t help for me to say that it’s still early days,

    but it is still early days....

    It’s taken me 18 months not to feel lost and hurt anytime I see anything connected to my mum. Be it a photo of her, her handwriting ....

    It will take as long as it takes, but one day, you will be able to look at a photo and not feel as you do now, lost.

    you will be able to see a photo and remember good times

    Mum was a part of my life since I was born, 50+ odd years before she died.

    I still need to understand that 18 months out of 50+ odd years is still early days, but they are easier to deal with now
  9. lis66

    lis66 Registered User

    Aug 7, 2015
    Sending big hugs to you babybunty ,can't imagine the pain you are going through at this sad sad time ,thinking of you xxx
  10. Deb57

    Deb57 Registered User

    Feb 8, 2019
    2jays is right, it’s very early days. My mum died 3yrs ago and I still miss her like crazy. She was my friend and confident as well as my strongest support when my husband was diagnosed with early onset dementia.
    Feeling lost and alone is an important part of the grieving process and it’s important you stick with these painful feelings and don’t push them away.
    You won’t ever get over losing your mum but you will learn to live with the loss and the rawness softens with time.
    Give yourself time and be gentle. Xx
  11. Misstep

    Misstep Registered User

    Oct 7, 2015
    South Wales
    Oh bless you. It's not long since we were discussing whether they were at end stage. My Mum died two days ago. Like you, I'm exhausted, although she had a heart attack in the end and only lasted 3 hours. I was able to be with her at the home, with the light low and gentle music playing. It helps to have been with her at the end, and mine at least really had no life left; only existence. I'm glad your Mum's funeral went so well. These things make such a difference

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