Hi all,
This is my first time posting on here and I really hope someone can give me some advice.
My mum was diagnosed with dementia just over a year ago, initially Dr's thought it was alzheimers but in January this year, following a detailed MRI scan, they changed the diagnosis to frontotemporal dementia.
Mum lives with my Dad and he is her full time carer. He is doing his best and over the last year has learnt to be much more patient and is doing a good job. Myself and my family live 2 hours away and we see Mum & Dad approx once a month.
We've noticed over the past 8-9 months that Mum is muttering to herself, not sure she realises she is doing it or maybe she thinks no one can hear her. But she is slagging my Dad off constantly, calling him all the nasty names under the sun, including the words no one likes to hear. I'm finding this difficult to deal with if I'm honest. But then at night time, Mum will thank Dad for looking after her & tell him that she doesn't want to be a nuisance to him. Dad reassures her when this happens and we are now noticing that Mum has started to finally accept her diagnosis, which we feel is a positive step.
The main reason for my post is that Mum spoke to me tonight when Dad popped out of the room for 2 minutes and said that Dad doesn't like her, she says he's horrible to her. When I asked her what he has done, all she could tell me was its the way he speaks to her sometimes.
As I was responding, I knew what I was saying was not the right response, but I'm after some advice as to how to deal with this sort of thing. My response was to say that Dad loves her very much and he's doing his best to help her, yes sometimes he gets frustrated because everything that is happening is new and we're all learning to deal with it all.
In my mind I was screaming at myself not to disregard Mums words (in the same way we parents can disregard things that children say), but it came so out of the blue, I didn't know what else to say.
Now I know I don't live with my parents so don't see them together 24/7 band I know Dad gets frustrated sometimes as up until quite recently he had no time to himself at all. Mum goes to a day centre 2 days a week now which helps. But Dad is a very gentle man and as naive as this may sound to some, I am confident there is nothing sinister going on between them.
But how I do I respond to this? Mum has said similar things to me previously so I have a feeling that it will come up again.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, many thanks
This is my first time posting on here and I really hope someone can give me some advice.
My mum was diagnosed with dementia just over a year ago, initially Dr's thought it was alzheimers but in January this year, following a detailed MRI scan, they changed the diagnosis to frontotemporal dementia.
Mum lives with my Dad and he is her full time carer. He is doing his best and over the last year has learnt to be much more patient and is doing a good job. Myself and my family live 2 hours away and we see Mum & Dad approx once a month.
We've noticed over the past 8-9 months that Mum is muttering to herself, not sure she realises she is doing it or maybe she thinks no one can hear her. But she is slagging my Dad off constantly, calling him all the nasty names under the sun, including the words no one likes to hear. I'm finding this difficult to deal with if I'm honest. But then at night time, Mum will thank Dad for looking after her & tell him that she doesn't want to be a nuisance to him. Dad reassures her when this happens and we are now noticing that Mum has started to finally accept her diagnosis, which we feel is a positive step.
The main reason for my post is that Mum spoke to me tonight when Dad popped out of the room for 2 minutes and said that Dad doesn't like her, she says he's horrible to her. When I asked her what he has done, all she could tell me was its the way he speaks to her sometimes.
As I was responding, I knew what I was saying was not the right response, but I'm after some advice as to how to deal with this sort of thing. My response was to say that Dad loves her very much and he's doing his best to help her, yes sometimes he gets frustrated because everything that is happening is new and we're all learning to deal with it all.
In my mind I was screaming at myself not to disregard Mums words (in the same way we parents can disregard things that children say), but it came so out of the blue, I didn't know what else to say.
Now I know I don't live with my parents so don't see them together 24/7 band I know Dad gets frustrated sometimes as up until quite recently he had no time to himself at all. Mum goes to a day centre 2 days a week now which helps. But Dad is a very gentle man and as naive as this may sound to some, I am confident there is nothing sinister going on between them.
But how I do I respond to this? Mum has said similar things to me previously so I have a feeling that it will come up again.
Any advice is greatly appreciated, many thanks