• All threads and posts regarding Coronavirus COVID-19 can be found in our area specifically for Coronavirus COVID-19 discussion.

    You can directly access this area >here<.

How do i move on

Juliajuliajulia

New member
Feb 19, 2022
2
0
I am so sorry and saddened to hear of your loss. My mother died eleven weeks ago I have been distraught, so I can only imagine your pain. I felt as if I had had my heart ripped out. For myself I let my self feel the overwhelming emotions and cried an ocean daily. My mum had dementia for 26 years and I lived with her for eight years. I feel empty within. After a few weeks friends call less, so I joined a gym six weeks ago which is helping me tremendously and also daily walks in nature. I hope you look after yourself.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Thank you for your reply julia and bless your mum who im sure is watching over you.
I love walking and biking i went for a beautiful walk the other day and have done 19 miles biking today i had to as mum was being cremated to day so very difficult its so final now x
We are haveing an intimate gathering on mothering sunday where we will celebrate her life not mourn her death .
I am sending love and virtual hugs to you xx
 

Milatoschris

Registered User
May 29, 2018
30
0
Sending you a big hug. Please remember the good times with your mum. Like people have says, eat, sleep, and take some walks maybe in a park and appreciate the peace. Rainbows and feathers are always a sign. Take care of yourself xx
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Sending you a big hug. Please remember the good times with your mum. Like people have says, eat, sleep, and take some walks maybe in a park and appreciate the peace. Rainbows and feathers are always a sign. Take care of yourself xx
Thank you x
 

Juliajuliajulia

New member
Feb 19, 2022
2
0
Thank you for your reply julia and bless your mum who im sure is watching over you.
I love walking and biking i went for a beautiful walk the other day and have done 19 miles biking today i had to as mum was being cremated to day so very difficult its so final now x
We are haveing an intimate gathering on mothering sunday where we will celebrate her life not mourn her death .
I am sending love and virtual hugs to you xx
Bless you Roderic,
I hope you share some wonderful memories on Sunday. I shall buy my mother's Day card and flowers for her to look down upon. Take care love and light x
 

SamOakes14

Registered User
Mar 17, 2022
13
0
Thank you so much sam for taking the time to reply. You are right of course i have been keeping my self busy and talking to family and every so often you hurt because you know you aren't going to see them i find thats when it really hurts but in time it should hopefully not be so intense.
And i keep thinking of her back to normal and being really happy to be free of her body the way it had become . So cruel isnt it sam x
It is really cruel and I hope that one day people will never have to experience this and that a cure can be found. It's a tough time but the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and surround yourself with family. Love and time will heal all x
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
It is really cruel and I hope that one day people will never have to experience this and that a cure can be found. It's a tough time but the best thing to do is keep yourself busy and surround yourself with family. Love and time will heal all x
So true sam my heart goes out to carers who have no family i just dont know how they get through it i really dont x
 

SamOakes14

Registered User
Mar 17, 2022
13
0
So true sam my heart goes out to carers who have no family i just dont know how they get through it i really dont x
Definitely, I agree with you there. I wish there was more support in place for people who suffer alone. But in times, people find courage and strength in ways that help them to keep on going. But my heart still goes out to them x
 

Whisperer

Registered User
Mar 27, 2017
318
0
Southern England
So true sam my heart goes out to carers who have no family i just dont know how they get through it i really dont x
Dear @Roseric

Let me start by sending you my condolences on your loss.

On behalf of all isolated ex carers thank you for that thought. Mum died nearly 14 months ago and god the first year was really tough. Recently several things have helped me move on a bit in a world where I am largely on my own.

1) I got a part time job at nearly 63yo and it gives me a start to a purpose in life.
2) I have just finished dealing with mum’s estate. I will never again take on the draining role of being the executor of an estate. Mum passing was bad, wiping out her physical presence on this world was really hard to do.
3) Some building repairs on the house in May, then buy a small car to get out on some day trips to old favourites of me and my mum. Get into the countryside for some walks in nature.
4) then start on some charity work to give more purpose in my life. The Dementia field is still to raw for me, but possibly a visiting volunteer with Marie Curie.
5) Eating much better now and taking regular exercise. Promoting my physical, mental and emotional health is all WIP projects I am getting into for the longer term.


I have no partner, kids or grandkids. My siblings have their own families and work full time. I now have to learn to live alone well and try and give my future years a sense of purpose. I am not the man I was before I started my caring role. It has left me with many bad memories, but that said it has developed me as a person. I want to help where I can.

Not all sombre. I read a lot and listen to old friends like Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, etc. Things my caring role gradually removed from my life. The music now lifts me again, whereas I had given up in the latter years of caring for mum as it was just notes if you get my point. Might help but please buy a cheap CD recording of Beethoven’s 4th and 5th piano concertos. Let it wash over you and calm the mind. Works for me every time.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
Dear @Roseric

Let me start by sending you my condolences on your loss.

On behalf of all isolated ex carers thank you for that thought. Mum died nearly 14 months ago and god the first year was really tough. Recently several things have helped me move on a bit in a world where I am largely on my own.

1) I got a part time job at nearly 63yo and it gives me a start to a purpose in life.
2) I have just finished dealing with mum’s estate. I will never again take on the draining role of being the executor of an estate. Mum passing was bad, wiping out her physical presence on this world was really hard to do.
3) Some building repairs on the house in May, then buy a small car to get out on some day trips to old favourites of me and my mum. Get into the countryside for some walks in nature.
4) then start on some charity work to give more purpose in my life. The Dementia field is still to raw for me, but possibly a visiting volunteer with Marie Curie.
5) Eating much better now and taking regular exercise. Promoting my physical, mental and emotional health is all WIP projects I am getting into for the longer term.


I have no partner, kids or grandkids. My siblings have their own families and work full time. I now have to learn to live alone well and try and give my future years a sense of purpose. I am not the man I was before I started my caring role. It has left me with many bad memories, but that said it has developed me as a person. I want to help where I can.

Not all sombre. I read a lot and listen to old friends like Beethoven, Mozart, Brahms, etc. Things my caring role gradually removed from my life. The music now lifts me again, whereas I had given up in the latter years of caring for mum as it was just notes if you get my point. Might help but please buy a cheap CD recording of Beethoven’s 4th and 5th piano concertos. Let it wash over you and calm the mind. Works for me every time.
Thank you so much whisperer i am so glad you are managing to move on from your role as your mums carer.
She will no doubt be grateful wherever she is for what you did for her.
I will definitely listen to the mozart music you suggested.
I love classical.
Rose x
 

kaz13

Registered User
Jul 27, 2014
12
0
I lolst mum in February with the funeral just before what would have been her birthday. This is the first time I've actualy put fingers to keyboard since.
I agree with a lot of the comments on here -its a rollercoaster ride of emotions and I thought I was starting to cope. But the tears are falling as I type this.
At least I kept my promise and was there for her from start right to the finish -holding hands as she went, peacefully at the end. IK am giving myself plenty of time to grieve and eventually move on. We all are amazing people to have cared for loved ones.
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
I lolst mum in February with the funeral just before what would have been her birthday. This is the first time I've actualy put fingers to keyboard since.
I agree with a lot of the comments on here -its a rollercoaster ride of emotions and I thought I was starting to cope. But the tears are falling as I type this.
At least I kept my promise and was there for her from start right to the finish -holding hands as she went, peacefully at the end. IK am giving myself plenty of time to grieve and eventually move on. We all are amazing people to have cared for loved ones.
Thank you caz i scattered mums ashes on mothers day it was a lovely but sad day .i see it now as mum has gone away but i still have her memories. The ashes were just her earthly remains the day she died is when she left her remains were just an empty shell she always used to say once im gone im gone its not me anymore just scatter me so thats what we did i will miss her but she had no life in the end x she passed 6 weeks before her birthday x i wish you all the strengh its better to have a good cry its normal its surreal thinking i will never see them again thats the hardest bit for me x
 

karenbow

Registered User
May 24, 2021
85
0
hi my dad passed away last may and my mum 4 months later from alzheimers.some days im not too bad but im just so full of sadness and other days im not good at all- me and dad always celebrated our birthdays together his being 24th march mine 27th this was the first time without him there, it was also mothers day on my birthday , since the 24th ive done nothing but cry and my life seems so empty without my mum and dad despite having a loving husband,daughter and grandchildren- i looked after mum and dad as best i could we were like a little team and always smiling and laughing despite how ill my parents were -i just hope i can get some of my old self back,mum and dad tried to prepare me for this - dad lost both his parents close together and i think he knew it would be the same with him and mum and it is as you say really hard to accept you will never see them again- its like drifting along not knowing where you are going - xxx
 

Roseric

Registered User
May 29, 2021
34
0
hi my dad passed away last may and my mum 4 months later from alzheimers.some days im not too bad but im just so full of sadness and other days im not good at all- me and dad always celebrated our birthdays together his being 24th march mine 27th this was the first time without him there, it was also mothers day on my birthday , since the 24th ive done nothing but cry and my life seems so empty without my mum and dad despite having a loving husband,daughter and grandchildren- i looked after mum and dad as best i could we were like a little team and always smiling and laughing despite how ill my parents were -i just hope i can get some of my old self back,mum and dad tried to prepare me for this - dad lost both his parents close together and i think he knew it would be the same with him and mum and it is as you say really hard to accept you will never see them again- its like drifting along not knowing where you are going - xxx
Thank you karenbow you are so right it is like drifting. It is still quite recent for you and losing them so near together must have been devastating.
But you did your best and they would want you to get on with your life .
Its good to cry and release your emotions but you have your family and im sure in time the pain will not be so intense.
They will be so proud of you .you did good by them please take care of your self
Rose x
 

karenbow

Registered User
May 24, 2021
85
0
Thank you karenbow you are so right it is like drifting. It is still quite recent for you and losing them so near together must have been devastating.
But you did your best and they would want you to get on with your life .
Its good to cry and release your emotions but you have your family and im sure in time the pain will not be so intense.
They will be so proud of you .you did good by them please take care of your self
Rose x
thankyou rose x