How do I let him know?


Registered User
Mar 17, 2009
No, in fairness, Barb is right.

I fully acknowledge that a few crumbs is the least of my worries - it's merely one more frustrating behaviour to add to the list, and I'm far more scared of him burning the house down after leaving the stove on than I am of him dropping cake crumbs. :rolleyes:

But, Barb, as other members have pointed out, I am a new user of this forum and as such, support and understanding are always welcomed. You may be naturally blunt and I appreciate that, but do you have to be dealing with severe dementia before members here will take you seriously?

In the meantime I have every respect for anyone dealing with a loved one's illness - I can only say "hey, look at what I have to look forward to".

No, you can't make appointments with my GP - I have to ring on the morning I need to go, and hope they have one open. It's a stupid system so I will have to wait til Friday when I have a day off to see if I can get in there.

Thank you all for your support, advice, and maybe even kicks. I like a balance :)


Registered User
Feb 20, 2009
Hmmm mixed bag of comments!

Well welcome Thorn anyway, i personally think that you are right to seek out early advice, for many of us we seekit out too late. Reading anyting on here at the TP forum, will be informative, witty and downright heartbreaking.

I can understand your thoughts that you may have thought this was just old age, my father was into his 50's before I was born, and i grew up with basically a pensioner for a father, i think looking at your brothers age and possibly your own that you did not think that at your age you would be dealing with this, and hopefully it was just an age thing, but in actuality, and this is not a diagnosis, most of the things you have said is the on set of dementia, which you are obviously aware that it might be or you not be on this forum.

What you need to do, ia try to get to see your dr, i know its difficult even for those who CAN make appointments. Tell the receptionist if they deem to ask, that its confidential. Explain to dr, ask for all relevant help and if they are unwilling, go to social work, local council for info on who may have the info on assesments, these can be self referred in some areas, if you can find the right way round it.

As for whats happening in the house, i have a great system for dusting - hairdryer at one end of dining table/hearth/relevant dusty places, and blow it one end, next week blow it back. Its dust who cares, if mum can sign her name in it, great - its better than what she can do with pen and paper:D

Honestly housework is not relevant, yes keeping place livable is great, but getting out and about, take him tot he cinema, theatre, musical events, whatever his interests are, just do it. By non ironable clothing (i live in linen, wash hang up dry wear, heat of body drops creases out!);)

Hire some swashbuckling sword movies, sit down with some popcorn and just enjoy.

sleep when he does, work when you can, housework can wait!

I know non of this is relevant, but we all have to start some where, and if this forum helps you to sort out your priorities then great, but no one on here should be told that they are waisting time, as we dont know how things will ever be the VERY NEXT DAY!

take care, and tell surgery that its an emergency, do anything to get that appointment, remember all surgeries have a few appointments aside for this, and in your case if you feel it has come to that time then an emergency it is!

best regards,

iMac :)

p.s. apologies for spelling mistakes, i know there are but cant be arsed sorting them, lol.


Registered User
Jan 15, 2008

Hi there, Thorn 1979

I'm sure you're trying to be nice to Barb and goodness knows, looking after a husband with dementia is truly dreadful and knackering but Barb is "not right" and her response to you is not OK.

She's been rude, aggressive and just plain weird to many posters on here and I for one do not relate to it, nor do I understand it, unless Barb you have your own mental health problems... It's not OK to be so confrontational - we all have our own opinions, goodness knows I'm not exactly a shrinking violet myself but dementia is dementia at whatever stage it is.

My own Mum lives at home independently. If you "score" VAD at a one out of ten stage you could say she is within 4 to 6. Some bits good, some bad. She keeps herself clean, cooks for herself (badly), gets dressed by herself sort of OK and sleeps OK. So excuse me for posting on here - some would say, perhaps!

We are here to support each other. Or have I got that bit wrong? And Barb if you send me an aggressive message I will report you - apparently you have done this before.

It's NOT ok. ok?


Registered User
Nov 13, 2005
NE Lincs
Hi Thorn 1979,
I do not post often, but have been a member since 2005. I would like to say this site has been a great source of support to me on many occasions. I am assuming that you are only a young woman supporting your dad - I would like to commend you for all you are doing to ensure he is safe and well. The support offered by many members will help you in the future - keep on posting.
Take Care

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hello Thorn

My GP has the same system as yours, or it sounds as if he does. We have to phone at 8am to make an appointment for the same day.

But I have recently found I can phone and make a Non-Urgent Appointment at a later date.
You have nothing to lose if you phone and ask if your surgery does it too.

Good luck.


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
I was looking up Worcester memory clinic, looks like your area not very good with Demetria support . But I found this link . I was wondering if you get not Joy with the doctor to phone your local PCT trust .

Worcestershire Mental Health Partnership NHS Trust
Facilities and patient support

Patient Advice and Liaison Services (PALS)

* PALS tel: 01905 681517
* PALS email:

You can talk to PALS who provide confidential advice and support to patients, families and their carers, and can provide information on the NHS and health related matters.