how do i know what stage my dads at


Registered User
Oct 26, 2003
he can't remember how to make a cup of tea, sometimes he knows me, sometimes not, same with my mum and his beloved dog, he thinks his dead siblings are still alive, he thinks home is an address from 50 years ago, do we tell him his siblings are dead, he chats away but makes no sense, he can't concentrate so doesn;t read or watch t.v, and worst of all he won;t sit down for more than 5 minuites, he dosen;t even understand he's in a care home.
good points, he remembers to go the loo, but tries to dress with 5 shirts on, yet hes not physically unwell and strong as an ox. he spent 2 weeks in hospital. we removed him against advice as he was really much worse there, he came home but wasn't any better in the care home his memory is even worst, is this anxiety making it harder for him, what stage is this for a man just turned 82. sorry to ramble but i,m so confused and can't sleep for worrying, thanks for listening


Registered User
Sep 25, 2003

Whether your dad's behaviour is Alzheimers or not I can't say as I am no expert but it is certainly not right even if he is 82. My dad is just 59 and has just been diagnosed and then only by accident - I will spare you the whys and wherefores - but my mum and I had been concerned about his behaviour for several years and just got the brush off from doctors.

You have to push them into action I've discovered - and they are great when you get through to the right person - but it can take time.

What makes me so mad is other people's reaction - they see a 59 year old healthy chap and wonder why he's so odd and I hate that - people are so rude and unforgiving it breaks my heart to see how people look at him.

Whatever is wrong with your dad, remember he's probably as confused and as frightened as you.

I wish you all the best,



Registered User
Oct 26, 2003
has your dad got alzeimers

thankyou for your kind reply. i,m very sorry to hear your dad has
sympyoms at such a young age, as it is heartbreaking.
my dad has been diagnosed and confirmed to have AD, 2 years ago, the last month his deteriation has been rapid. doctors keep changing his medication, and the care home are even concerned that he won't sleep or rest.
i wish you and your family all the best, its so sad i can't offer much advice except to let you know i understand your pain, and feel for you

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Registered User
Oct 23, 2003
West Sussex
much the same

Hi Suzie. my mum is much the same as your dad, she is 78 and was diagnosed 2years ago but had the illness long before that in a more moderate form. She has a diagnoses of severe dementia now. All the things you describe, we are getting much the same. Mum is still at home with us but it is getting very hard to cope now. Like your dad, sleeping is a problem and it hurts that she doesn't always know us. All you can do is try to remember the good times, love them, care for them as best you can and take each day as it comes. It is as you say really upsetting, I think in a way it is harder on those watching than it is for the sufferer because even when they get upset it's forgotten in a few minutes where as you as you said worry and cry all the time about not being able to put it right. I think we have to accept this, that we can't "magic" it all better like when a child falls over or something. It is something that can never be as it was once the plaques have taken the place of the memories sadly. I feel for you, I cry a lot too.
With love,


Registered User
May 28, 2003
I strongly agree that it is worse for the loved ones of a dementia sufferer. That is what is also so very cruel about this illness.
Towards the later stages of the symptoms of dementia, and often even in the beginning, the person with the illness may have little insight into their illness, and it is US the family that have the hardest job of all.
I believe that for most people with this illness, and for most of the time, they are reasonably content.
I say "whatever part of their life they are experiencing, they are happy there." And I hope that most of you would agree with this, generally.
We have little cause for comfort during our journey with the dementia sufferer, but we must accept that we can only do what we are doing. Of course we wish we could do more, but we are doing all that we can.
Even by talking on this site with one another, we are yet again seeking to help the person with this illness.
Please dont feel so alone