Morning everyone,
Thanks for the advice you gave me. I had a long talk with my sister about it and we decided that I would ring the surgery and try to talk to someone and she would ring the woman who runs the Day Centre that mum goes to. (We thought that she might be helpful as she rang dad last week and tactfully mentioned that mum sometimes has "an odour" ).
However, events have overtaken us. I'd only just got to work yesterday when my sister rang to say that dad had called and was in a state. He had gone to wake mum up (she has had to sleep downstairs for some years ) and found her sitting on the bed, soaking wet and insisiting that someone had thrown a bucket of water over her. I rang the surgery and asked for a home visit and briefly explained that I had been on the verge of ringing anyway. They took my number and said that they would get "Helen", who does the assessments to ring me. Fortunately I have a good boss and I just left everything and drove over and waited for the doctor.
When he turned up he was excellent. Talked with mum rather than asked questions and said he would arrange for a nurse to come and see her and collect blood and urine samples. He said "you'll like her, her name is Helen" and he just smiled at me.
When he was leaving he suggested that dad makes an appointment for a check up as well, which I was very pleased about because the strain really is starting to show on him.
I walked to the car with the doctor and he said "Phew, there's more there than incontinence and loss of memory, leave it with me and I'll get the ball rolling"
So, I'm waiting for a call from"Helen" and I have woken up this morning feeling more positive/less stressed. I know that this is still the beginning of what will probably be a long drawn out process, but at least the process has started.
Thanks again for your advice.