How do I introduce a carer into mums life?

[Florence23]

Hi my mother has dementia and needs a lot of input from me and siblings every day to manage daily life. She seems to forget her diagnosis and I feel we are helping her feel all is well and she can still lead her old life. However the toll of day caring and responding to frequent crises is very stressful - we are still working. I am also aware that I am not coping emotionally and feel anxious and depressed. We have found a carer to help with daily tasks but I know my mother will say she doesn't need any help. I am anxious about making her suffer by talking about her illness. Any advice? Much appreciated!!

 

[Bunpoots]

Welcome to Dementia Talking Point @Florence23

I introduced dad’s first carer (more of a home help really) as “a friend who needed a little job” so would he mind if she came round to help with cleaning and gardening just to earn a few bob. He was fine with that. They got on really well and she also used to take him out once a week to a garden centre or something similar.

It made it easier to introduce carers when he needed help later on with personal care.

 

[Fullticket]

Obviously it depends on the individual but we told mum about the 'new government scheme for younger people' (based on the fact that most people were younger than she was!) of giving people work experience to older people (foc) so that these younger people could study for their exams and qualifications. Various others were introduced (as Bunpots says) as friends who were just dropping in to say hello. After a few days the 'younger people' became part of the furniture and if there was ever any query about who they were, the 'new government scheme' was brought up again. Mum liked to help people - she taught the care assistants in the care home she went for day care to knit, which really did help the younger people with their NVQs, so it wasn't all make believe.

 

[Shedrech]

hello @Florence23
a warm welcome from me too

my dad would do anything for me, so I'm afraid I exploited that
eg say to your mother ... I feel so bad that I can't be there more when I'm working, and it would put my mind at rest if I knew (carer's name) was popping in to say hi
or whatever will push the right buttons

 

[LongDistanceCarer10]

I arranged fortnightly visits then weekly visits for my aunt from a local care agency. I was hoping over time she would get to know them and like the company even if she didn't need help with anything specific. Now that her dementia has advanced I am increasing the care to daily. However, she has never acknowledged the carer coming, tells anyone who asks that she doesn't have carers so that I get other people ringing to tell me she needs some care!! She's just never acknowledged them somehow, so my plan to familiarise her over time (6 months) didn't pan out at all :-/