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How do I help my dad cope with it all?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Dayperson, Nov 27, 2015.

  1. Dayperson

    Dayperson Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    277
    Female
    Shropshire
    I've noticed that although dad and I are aware something is wrong with mum, we can loose out temper and patience and dad will shout and argue with her.

    Any ideas on how I can help my dad cope? It affects me too and I know I get depression and days where I feel physically sick and can't eat anything.
     
  2. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    This is so hard for you all
    This is a very useful starter http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired
    The link will take you to a thread with a lot of information especially about compassionate communication which may help to make life easier for all of you xxxxxxx
    There is lots of help and support on here and others will be along soon xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx Thinking of you
     
  3. marymary1898

    marymary1898 Registered User

    Hi Dayperson,
    We seem to be in very similar positions.
    They are of a generation with very fixed ideas and a strong sense of independence.
    If your dad is anything like mine he will not want to know or be interested in "outside interference".
    I would encourage you to seek advice from the relevant charities for support. Prevention is always better than cure.
    However, in my personal, recent, experience, sometimes there needs to be a crisis point to open their minds to the idea of outside help and support.

    Sorry, I haven't been much help. Recent events no doubt clouding my judgement.
    But I wish you luck anyway
    X
     
  4. Dayperson

    Dayperson Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    277
    Female
    Shropshire
    Thanks for the link fizzie, I recognise I do a lot on the don't list and I'll have to ask dad to rethink how he acts to her.

    Dad would like the doctor to do something but he refuses and it's not easy t change.

    Two things which are really annoying me at the moment is 1) Mum keeps thinking we are deleting her stuff off of dads computer when we are working on it on something she doesn't understand. Today she demanded a print out of what we were doing. Another she sat and watched us code, it's like she's sticking her neck into stuff which has nothing to do with her.

    2) She was diagnosed with varicose eczema, a long term condition where she was hospitalized and needed a drip a few years back. She has tights she is meant to wear and she was told to get her legs up to reduce the swelling but she won't listen to advice. What should I do, force her to get her legs up or let them get worse? I've already tried the she will end up in hospital but she won't listen.
     
  5. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,082
    Brazil



    Can you work on other computer?
    My mom used to love to play on computer, but she hated when icons were moved.

    If she is demanding something from computer, what would happen if you change it for a solitaire game and play with her?


    About legs, have you tried you lay down with your legs up, and ask her to join you? And then chat about others things. Make it funny for you and her.
     
  6. swoops03189

    swoops03189 Registered User

    Dec 1, 2015
    4
    mrs a

    working on another computer is a great idea. Seems she's become a little paranoid, some meds can do this. Im a 24\7 carer and i look after a couple so i know exactly what you mean. If your dad is mentally fit try and make him understand that when you mum was healthy she could understand and make sense of all situations. But now she's ill, the information isnt being processed properly and what normally would be her answer to problems isnt going to be anymore and he/you have just got to walk away dont try and make sense of it, just let her know you'll be in the next room if she needs anything. this way you get to calm down and she will forget the conversation. Sorry but it doesnt get any easier. Maybe they have a few friends you can call on and give your dad a 2 hour break each day so he can go in another room and read a book or go for a long walk, whatever he will get the most out of. Its hard for families to see their parents being taken slowly from them day by day just try and remember all the years you spent together and what lovely times you had. x
     
  7. Dayperson

    Dayperson Registered User

    Feb 18, 2015
    277
    Female
    Shropshire
    #7 Dayperson, Dec 2, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 2, 2015
    Thank you for your replies. I meant to reply last night but I was working until late and remembered when I was in bed.

    It's not easy for us to work elsewhere because of the amount of software we need on it, but fortunately she's not been paranoid about the computer so hopefully this will last.

    She's currently not taking any medication for dementia and the doctor refuses to send her for a test. She is currently taking Exforge and Spiralctone though for high blood pressure. I don't know if these drugs may be contributing to her behaviour?

    I did say to my dad this morning that we have to be patient with her and give her more time to do things as we can both loose out patience.

    I forgot to mention I had some success with getting her to have her legs up, not as long as she should have done but she did for a while.
     
  8. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,731
    if she wants a print out, i would just give her a little print out with a big smile and encourage her to look at it - you never know it might work but refusing or getting frustrated (and believe me i so know frustration) definitely won't work. Or possibly a distraction but I think until you have given her at least in part what she wants she will obsess. I never believed it was easier to give in but it is it is it is ...........................all the time ....and it saves so much upset and frustration - honest
     

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