How do I go about getting my dad into residential care?

[Hedwig]

Hi

My dad has mixed dementia (mainly vascular with some elements of AZ) and he has deteriorated very quickly over the past 6 months. He was initially diagnosed 5 years ago, His memory clinic tests now have him at 7 out of 30.

My mum is his main carer but she is finding it increasingly difficult to cope with him. He has now started to refuse to shower regularly. He is still continent but I'm not sure for how much longer. The main problem is is mood swings. He was never a particularly social person and he flatly refuses to go to any day centre or similar. He only wants to sit at home with my mum with him. She can't take him out with her anymore because he refuses to go into shops or anything with her so now when she goes out we have to have someone with him but this is causing more problems as he sulks and causes her problems once the person with him has left.

our local az group has now advised that before we can proceed down the care home route (partly funded) there is a whole process we have to go through before a care home will be considered, ie day care, having someone in with him during the day etc. none of which my dad will tolerate without taking it out on my mum afterwards.

My mum is already having trouble coping with the dramatic decline and at 77 is not able to deal with things easily. My fear is that all this is damaging her health. Does she have to collapse before anyone will take us seriously. Putting dad in a home is not something we want to do, but mum cannot cope much longer with him but cannot afford to pay for care herself.

Thanks for listening, any ideas would be greatly appreciated

 

[Anniewragby]

Hi, Hedwig, not sure how much I can help but at least we can boost your post up the list a bit. As I understand it round here you need a social services assessment to start down the route of finding any sort of care if you are not self- funding. As you say they will want to try and offer home support first so keep a diary - possibly even recordings to back up your statements about your dad's behaviour to prove how much pressure your Mum is under.
Best to start the ball rolling Mon am as these things take time.
Hope you get things sorted soon.

 

[Tigers15]

If not self funding, before any care package can be put into place a care plan meeting (sometimes called other things) needs to be held. For this to happen your dad needs a social worker who should arrange this. Unfortunately to get a social worker with any speed you will have to keep phoning and expressing the seriousness of the situation. You will need to say that your mum's health is suffering and she is no longer able to look after your dad.

When the meeting is held you and your mum will have to say that you are unable to look after him.

Good luck - hope it isn't too drawn out a process. Is your dad's GP sympathetic - can he/she help to get a social worker urgently?

 

[angelface]

I support the above posts about getting a social worker. You will have to make a lot of noise to do it.

If it were me, I would cite verbal abuse (from Dad), because it is true. Perhaps you could say you are afraid dad may get violent with mum? Sadly you have to be creative here, and tell the SW how things are on the worse possible days.

Let us know how you get on?

 

[nitram]

You need to ask the SS for an urgent Community Care Assessment

http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/care...ents/flashcard-community-care-assessments.pdf