How do I find help in looking after Mum?


Registered User
Sep 23, 2006
Yesterday was awful. Mum fell off the toilet and I couldn't get her up. She lashed out and badly bruised my arm. Stressful for both of us and I finally have to admit I NEED HELP. When I asked Mum's psychiatric nurse (who only comes to see us when she wants to stop the Aricept) she said: "Look in Yellow Pages". I need someone to help me get her up and in the shower (she refuses most days) and, more importantly, someone with medical knowledge to spot whether her behaviour is due to illness (urine infections, constipation, etc) or another downturn in her condition. If the Social Services don't provide such a person can anyone recommend a good agency in the Dorset area?


Registered User
Nov 7, 2004
Hi Stella

Oh I do sympathise with you. We are brought up to expect help to be available in our hour of need, but it so often hard to find.

When I was in a similar position to you I went right back to the beginning and started again. I rang Social Services and told them mum needed an assessment because everything was going wrong and one of us would be getting seriously hurt. (If I was doing it again I would also confirm my conversation in a letter to them).

I also asked for a Carer's Assessment for myself. You have a right to get help.

When I rang Social Services and talked to them I found I had to be very careful to make sure I told then how bad mum was. It was very very easy to fall into the trap of protecting mum, and not admitting how bad her health had become, and how difficult I was finding it. (Subconsciously I didn’t want mum to go in a Care Home. When actually talking to Social Services I found it difficult to admit to someone else I was not coping and so Social Services didn’t think the situation was as bad as it was.)

Whilst Social Services had some Carers of their own the lady who came also had a list of Care Companies which had been approved of by SS. With a bit of pressure she told me which one she would use.

As for the health issues; I just had to ring mum's consultant or the GP whenever I though things were not right. They would send out one of those Locum Doctors. I probable made myself quite unpopular.

Best wishes


Linda Mc

Registered User
Jul 3, 2005
Nr Mold
Just wondering if you have Admiral Nurses in your area? Are Social services involved? Do you have a CPN or Memory Clinic Nurse?

Your local Alz branch can help put you in touch with the right people, and can help you get an assessment for both your needs and your Mum's.

Best wishes.

Linda x

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