How do I deal with.....

[Thethirdmrsc]

This seems to be the most common question asked on this forum. How do I deal with the...the pacing, the aggression, the questions, the face hitting, the paranoia.... add your own. I am not a trained anything, and yet I am now a chemist, psychologist, nurse, carer, cleaner and prisoner all in the blink of an eye, and I am not registered. How do I deal with it all? I have no idea, and the books Etc do not always deal with the bad stuff. I take heart from this forum, where I have learnt many things, and tonight’s lesson is to deflect and lie.

 

[Grannie G]

Reading your post @Thethirdmrsc makes me wonder how carers have fallen into this trap . No one would allow us to take on this level of responsibility for a stranger, never mind expect it from us , and yet we are allowed to muddle through, learning as we go and so often suffering quite severe mental and physical health issues as a result.

It`s only now when I am relieved of my caring responsibilities, can I appreciate the enormity of what is expected of us.

 

[karaokePete]

I remember a morning from a couple of years ago when I was leaving my wife into her Day Centre and I had a brief chat with a lady who was dropping off her husband. The lady remarked that she had never planned to become a 24/7 nurse when she retired.

Shortly after that morning I saw the lady and her husband for the last time and have often wondered if she just quit her unwanted 24/7 'job'. I have never made enquiries, just in case I see my own possible future in whatever transpired. Whenever it gets rough I just recall the day when the manager of the Day Centre said "It's tough Pete", and carry on as best I can.

As I say to others "My wife is the one with dementia, but we both suffer with it".

 

[Thethirdmrsc]

This is just what someone else said, we have to remember there are 2 people in this dementia bubble, and both of us are suffering.

 

[Jaded'n'faded]

This seems to be the most common question asked on this forum. How do I deal with the...the pacing, the aggression, the questions, the face hitting, the paranoia.... add your own. I am not a trained anything, and yet I am now a chemist, psychologist, nurse, carer, cleaner and prisoner all in the blink of an eye, and I am not registered. How do I deal with it all? I have no idea, and the books Etc do not always deal with the bad stuff. I take heart from this forum, where I have learnt many things, and tonight’s lesson is to deflect and lie.

Can you imagine being put in charge of another, mentally impaired person (not a relative!) who was as difficult to deal with as your husband? Imagine being told, forget your life, from now on this is what you will be doing 24/7, no escape, no end date. Oh and you won't get paid a penny or receive any training or even a word of appreciation!

What you do is an enormous task and I admire your tolerance and resilience!

 

[Thethirdmrsc]

Thank you @Jaded'n'faded we are all in this storm, but not all in the same boat seems to sum us all up.

 

[Agzy]

Can you imagine being put in charge of another, mentally impaired person (not a relative!) who was as difficult to deal with as your husband? Imagine being told, forget your life, from now on this is what you will be doing 24/7, no escape, no end date. Oh and you won't get paid a penny or receive any training or even a word of appreciation!

What you do is an enormous task and I admire your tolerance and resilience!

If that were a sentence imposed by the courts @Jaded'n'faded it would be in breach of our Human Rights, but as we are sentenced by fate and a cruel disease it seems to be perfectly sensible and prudent to the powers that be whoever they are,