How do I deal with the DVLA/Police regarding my Dad?

Discussion in 'Welcome and how to use Dementia Talking Point' started by GailM, Jan 5, 2017.

  1. nellbelles

    nellbelles Volunteer Host

    Nov 6, 2008
    8,373
    leicester
    I hope you can get him there.. you must be really worried now and that's made worse when no one seems to be listening!
     
  2. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,958
    Congratulations, Gail, for finally getting through to someone with the power to sort out this problem! I'm appalled by the way you and your poor Dad have been treated.
     
  3. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    500
    Driving

    Well done, Gail.

    This has been a right toughie. Nevertheless, you are doing the right thing.
     
  4. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,923
    Yorkshire
    well done GailM
    now lie through your teeth to get your dad there - tell him whatever you know will tempt him most
    eg if he thinks it'll be a way of proving to everyone how great he is, then tell him that's what the appointment will do
    if he'd like to stop driving and wants an excuse ....
    if he likes freebies, then say you've heard of people getting extra/free benefits or whatever ...
    you know your dad best, so suit the carrot/stick to his preferences

    maybe even offer to take him/accompany him in his car - that way you get access to it - maybe go back for tea at your place and somehow lose the keys, which is OK as you can get him back and find them for him later ....

    and before the appointment, follow up your phone conversation with a letter/email confirming everything you said and giving any more details you can think of eg describe your dad on his worst day and say how long you've been concerned

    it's really good that the doctor is on side, hopefully an ally for you now
     
  5. nmintueo

    nmintueo Registered User

    Jun 28, 2011
    847
    UK
    Again: what does he think he's going to do when your dad eventually stops driving? He knows it will happen eventually.

    He needs to learn to drive himself now. He must see that, because it is so obvious.
     
  6. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,432
    You may not be willing to do this, but with regard to cousin, do you think it might be an incentive if he was told that if he learns to drive your father would give him the car? I mean I totally understand if you don't wish to do this and it absolutely shouldn't be necessary but if we are talking about carrots, that might be jolly big one.

    Sent from my XT1526 using Talking Point mobile app
     
  7. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    My Cousin has no interest in driving and said so again when I spoke to him two weeks ago (and that was without me asking him). He part owns the car with my Dad and my Uncle. I have an awful feeling my Dad is going to ignore the Over 75 letter. I'm wondering whether to wait a bit then phone the doctor, maybe saying if he has attended would she be able to do a home visit whilst making it look like it's standard procedure to do so if the appointment is not made. I know she won't be allowed to give information but maybe if he has been she might we don't need to do that. When I spoke to her she said contact Social Services if he doesn't attend. I really don't want to go that far if I don't have to.
     
  8. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    **The above should read hasn't attended.
     
  9. reedysue

    reedysue Registered User

    Nov 4, 2014
    4,591
    Scotland
    If your dad ignores the over 75 letter his licence will expire and his insurance will be invalid so he won't be able to drive legally anymore, this might solve the problem.
     
  10. Primrose19

    Primrose19 Registered User

    Nov 27, 2016
    55
    Female
    That's what happened with my mum, we were worried about her driving and after her AD diagnosis, rang the DVLA to let them know but it turned out she had not renewed her licence when it was due a few months before! She had put the half-completed form somewhere - it turned up months later. The car tax and insurance were due about the same time so persuaded her to stop driving then. I think she probably would have had to take a test to get a new licence rather than the self-assessed renewal!
     
  11. BR_ANA

    BR_ANA Registered User

    Jun 27, 2012
    1,085
    Brazil
    So, if your dad ignores the over 75 letter and get his licence revoked, your uncle and your cousin will allow someone unlicensed drive their car?

    I think they can have serious problems if something happens.




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  12. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    I should have made myself clearer. When I said he might not attend the Over 75, I meant the health check at the doctors. As has been stated above if he doesn't return the DVLA form by this birthday, he won't have a valid licence. It's a bit of a waiting game at the moment as I have no idea how/if the DVLA form will be filled in, or whether he will attend to Over 75's health check at the doctors.
     
  13. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    It looks like I might be getting somewhere. My Uncle told me the DVLA form was filled in last weekend online. Obviously I have no idea what answers were given. However there was a message left on their landline last Friday from the surgery. My Dad said it could have been for him or my Auntie. I've just seen my Dad and asked if he found out who the call was for. He said it was for him relating to a health check. He said he couldn't really see the point in it and it was money making racket. He didn't see he wasn't going though, so fingers crossed...
     
  14. AlsoConfused

    AlsoConfused Registered User

    Sep 17, 2010
    1,958
    Mine are too!:)
     
  15. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,923
    Yorkshire
    hi GailM
    sounds promising
    I know you spoke to your dad's GP - have you followed that up with a letter/email so that all your info on your dad's behaviours and (lack of) abilities and your concerns are down in black and white - with maybe a few suggestions on the right kind of questions to ask your dad to put him on the back foot so he gives out information he may otherwise try to fudge - not pleasant to do, I appreciate, but all done in your dad's best interests and for his safety
    beat wishes
     
  16. Angie1996

    Angie1996 Registered User

    May 15, 2016
    515
    Somerset
    You need to ensure he goes, do everything in your power to "sell" the benefits for the "check up"..........

    Suggest you also remind him and even on the day remind him........

    Hope it gets sorted out for you x
     
  17. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    Result! My Dad is having the Over 75 Health Check today at 11.30.:) This will set the ball rolling. Thank you to everyone who has taken the time to post a comment. A huge weight is starting to lift.
     
  18. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    7,923
    Yorkshire
    well done GailM
    fingers crossed for a helpful outcome
     
  19. Oh Knickers

    Oh Knickers Registered User

    Nov 19, 2016
    500
    Gail,

    Fingers crossed for the best outcome.
     
  20. GailM

    GailM Registered User

    Jan 1, 2017
    34
    I'm not sure what to make of what I know so far regarding the Health Check. My Dad saw the Nurse on Monday (blood pressure etc). Yesterday he saw a Doctor. My Dad said they had him counting backwards to "try and catch him out" and he passed. Whether he did or not I have no idea...He has been given a PEARS referral and so he will finally be going to the Opticians.
     

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