how do i cope with the violent mood swings

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by absey, Dec 19, 2010.

  1. absey

    absey Registered User

    Dec 13, 2010
    16
    ashford kent
    2.30 last night was woke for my 45 mins of sleep by my dad smashing his vimmer frame up against the raidator and try to throw me and my mother out of the house dad has vasculor demenstia and the mood swings r more and more frequnt tonight he smashed the wooden coffee table finding this very hard to deal with bt can,t bear the thought of my dad in a home
     
  2. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,188
    South Ribble
    So sorry to hear things have got so hard for your family. Can you let us know if you have a social worker or CPN attached to your dad?
    Mood swings are really hard to deal with but you should not have to tolerate violent behaviour x
     
  3. absey

    absey Registered User

    Dec 13, 2010
    16
    ashford kent
    #3 absey, Dec 20, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2010
    thanks mate we have no sociel worker we do have a chap from the hospital calls but hes does have nurses 3 time a wk to change the dressing on this legs for ulsers and our own gp is a god send. dad has never hit anyone of the fammily threat all the time which hurts as much and having sleep apina as well makes everything worse the tablets he is on were we,r told to stop giving him as it put him on a risk off a stroke but when we reducsed the tablets to 3 a day not 4 he didn,t reconize any of his family and was very agressive on talkin to our gp he agreed with us to keep him on 4 a day so we got dad at home and his is safe and no,s his family rarther than full dementia and not noing us and he have to b put in care he has more quilty off life with us
     
  4. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    59,219
    Female
    Dundee
    Is there any chance your dad could have a urine infection? My mum is always much worse when she has one. I remember her bashing her zimmer against a door when she had a really bad one.
     
  5. piedwarbler

    piedwarbler Registered User

    Aug 3, 2010
    7,188
    South Ribble
    If you check the comments on your blog, absey you'll see some great advice from Sandy.
    Apologies if you've already read it!
     
  6. absey

    absey Registered User

    Dec 13, 2010
    16
    ashford kent
    #6 absey, Dec 20, 2010
    Last edited: Dec 20, 2010
    thanks izzy no its not a urine infection he,s alway been a bad tempered so and so lol(but true). it was a urine infection that brought all this to a head in august.and the nurses that come keep a cheek on that. been on the night shift can,t sleep he,s had 2.30 hours now smashing zimmer on the floor saying he want to go home ( we moved 3 yrs ago) and he doesn,t reconize this place as home but were in a bungalow so no stairs or steps for him to fall over so a lot safer,now i now people r on here this time off night don,t fell so alone in the dark hours
    thank you
     
  7. Nanak

    Nanak Registered User

    Mar 25, 2010
    1,973
    Brisbane Australia
    Hi Absey
    Hope you are getting some sleep now.
    It would be hard to cope with this on a regular basis. Hope you get some help soon
    Nanak
    missing what has gone and scared of what is to come
     
  8. lin1

    lin1 Registered User

    Jan 14, 2010
    9,322
    Female
    East Kent
    Hello Absey
    Welcome to TP
    Am sorry you are all going thro this hell.

    To be told by gp you just have to ride out violent episodes out, is unhelpful in the extreme, it may be that dads meds need to be changed to a different one as it seems the one he is on is not helping that much .
    I dont have much experience with this but others here do , they will be along later im sure.

    You and your mums lack of sleep makes it so much harder for you to cope , and will make u both ill ,

    As sandy said in your blog , contact the Alzheimers society, as they may have an outreach worker in your area .

    Id also advise you to contact Admiral Nurses , they are few of them but they do have a national helpline ,you maybe lucky to have one in your part of kent like I am here.
    They specialists in dementia.

    Do contact Adult social services yourselves , you should have have had assessments done for you and your dads needs , (dont b afraid to contact them ,they certainly WILL NOT whip dad away into a home ect , )

    I also found Age uk (formally Age Concern ) very good mum was unable to go to there day centre , but I had a lovely lady out once a month so i could offload , n they do lots more

    Hope this helps
     
  9. absey

    absey Registered User

    Dec 13, 2010
    16
    ashford kent
    thank you all

    a big thank you for all your help felt so alone these last few months but this site is a god send got 4 hours sleep happy days and no aggestion after ten last night and this morning you would think there was nothing wrong with day good day today,spoke to itc nurse she getting info about sociel servises and rest bite(would i have to pay for rest bite servise) and or sociel servises,
    and to find u good people out there yet 1 more thing POWER OF ATERNEY
    God i have a job thinking straight let alone dealing with that one phone call to a solisiter and was quoted £995.00 +vat is this the normal rip off prices from the big nobs:
     
  10. Resigned

    Resigned Registered User

    Feb 23, 2010
    223
    Wiltshire
    Hello absey

    I'm sorry to hear of the problems you are having with your dad.

    You don't need to see a solicitor to set up the Power of Attorney (there are two now, Welfare and financial), you can di it yourself. Go to the website of the Office of the Public Guardian and download the forms and guidance. It looks daunting at first but many of us on here have done it ourselves and saved a lot of money. Registering the POAs costs £125 each so that would be much cheaper. Someone suggested printing off two copies of the form and having a practice run to make sure you get everything filled in.

    You will need to be sure that your father has the understanding of what it is all about in order to sign. If he doesn't, you will need to do something different. I'm sure someone will be able to advise you on that.

    all the best
    R
     
  11. SueShell

    SueShell Registered User

    Sep 13, 2012
    403
    Orpington
    Don't need a solicitor, you can complete the forms yourself. There are two, health and welfare and/or finance.
     
  12. fizzie

    fizzie Registered User

    Jul 20, 2011
    2,740
    Admiral Nursing Direct on 0800 888 6678 FREE or email direct@dementiauk.org

    https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney/overview

    You can phone Social Services Adult Care Duty Desk and ask for an assessment if there have been no recommendations from the Unit - services like carers visiting to help with the daily routine/personal care or day care that should be an option - a day centre where they have lunch and activities. As well as our social services centre we also have Crossroads Day Centre where people can go for up to 3 days . Also respite


    This leaflet on compassionate communication is very useful - I found it very hard to master but I stuck it on my fridge to remind me every day and it really does work

    Do have a look at it
    http://www.ocagingservicescollabora...te-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired.pdf

    You can also ask for a carers assessment - this will give you a break and give you some 'free' hours of help possibly. it might seem early days to be thinking of a 'break' but a few hours here and there is a good idea from as early on as you can.

    If you are not already getting it do apply for Attendance Allowance - the forms are a bit tricky in that you have to imagine the worst possible day and write down the help that is needed (not the help that they get at the moment but what would be ideal for what they NEED). Attendance Allowance is not means tested and you should get it, if you need some help with the forms come back and ask Age UK are really good at helping with assessing what benefits you can claim and then they also help you fill in the forms - someone will come to your house. Age UK are also very good at practical advice and help - Age UK Advice line free national advice line that is open 365 days a year. To talk to someone, just call 0800 169 2081.

    I would strongly advise you to join your local carers organisation - they usually have a carers cafe (and so do Alzheimers society in some areas) and it is worth a morning off to go and find out what help there is in your area over a cup of coffee - lots of friendship and support face to face and everyone in the same boat.

    If there are issues with incontinence all areas have a continence service - you will need to look up your Trust or google your area plus Continence Service. The continence nurses we have had have been wonderful and pads are supplied free by the NHS.

    Lots of info , hope some of it helps
    You do need to get someone to listen to you about his meds, it does sound as though they need checking and you need to get someone to listen about reducing them which triggered this behaviour - hopefully the admiral nurse but if not ask for another GP at your surgery or phone the memory clinic and ask for another appointment.
     

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