How do i come to terms with this?
- Thread starter Amanda_H
- Start date
Best of luck to you. Unfortunately, I know how you feel. Coming to terms with your mother's Alzheimer's is no joke. Have you tried counselling or talking to someone else who has a loved one with Alz? I don't want to talk about myself in this post but I found seeing a counsellor a couple of times and coming into contact with a carer made an enormous difference to my coming to terms with my mother's illness. All you can hope for from now on is that your mother is as comfortable and as happy as possible and that those looking after her get good support.
Don't look into the future as all it will do is upset you more than you are. Be glad that at the moment, your mother knows who you are and make the most of that. I hope you find the inner strength that's inside you to make sure there are no regrets.
Don't look into the future as all it will do is upset you more than you are. Be glad that at the moment, your mother knows who you are and make the most of that. I hope you find the inner strength that's inside you to make sure there are no regrets.
Vanessa said:
Dear Vanessa,
I understand your nerves are based on fear, but you parents are probably more vulnerable now, than they have ever been in your lifetime. They may be waiting so desperately for your visit, just in the hope of seeing a familiar face.
I hope the visit goes well and is not as traumatic as you expect.
Love xx
Hi everyone,
I can totally relate to what Vanessa is feeling. My mother was diagnosed about 3 years ago she is 59. She started displaying symptoms when I was living away. It's one of the reasons I returned home, although like you said I felt quite nervous at having to face to prospect that my mum was not who she used to be. It was really hard to see someone you love change completely. At that point, mum was struggling to do everyday things like the washing and cooking, even talking on the phone was really difficult. Now she needs help and prompting with everything. My dad is her full-time carer and is coping far better than me or my sisters. He still sees her as the woman he married 35 years ago whereas I find it so hard to accept this nasty disease which has destroyed my lovely mum. She never complains, she was aware of the diagnosis and still has some insight, she says things like "you know what I'm like."
I'm really struggling with it all at the moment, it comes in phases most of the time I don't think about it and just get on with things. But it sometimes just gets thrown in your face and you realise that everything is not ok. Mum has just come out of hospital after suffering 3 violent seizures. This happened while I was away on holiday. My family didn't contact me until they had the results of the scan which did not show any bleeding in the brain thank goodness, they didn't want to spoil my holiday but I would rather know. It seemed to be as a result of high blood sugars and mum has now been diagnosed as diabetic. Mum seems to have deteriorated since this episode. Sometimes I just feel so angry about it all and find it hard deal with. My sisters and I look after my mum on weekends we try to do it together as it is easier, my dad can then go for a pint with friends as he misses social interaction having had to retire early in order to care for mum.
Sorry for ranting everyone just a bad day!!
I can totally relate to what Vanessa is feeling. My mother was diagnosed about 3 years ago she is 59. She started displaying symptoms when I was living away. It's one of the reasons I returned home, although like you said I felt quite nervous at having to face to prospect that my mum was not who she used to be. It was really hard to see someone you love change completely. At that point, mum was struggling to do everyday things like the washing and cooking, even talking on the phone was really difficult. Now she needs help and prompting with everything. My dad is her full-time carer and is coping far better than me or my sisters. He still sees her as the woman he married 35 years ago whereas I find it so hard to accept this nasty disease which has destroyed my lovely mum. She never complains, she was aware of the diagnosis and still has some insight, she says things like "you know what I'm like."
I'm really struggling with it all at the moment, it comes in phases most of the time I don't think about it and just get on with things. But it sometimes just gets thrown in your face and you realise that everything is not ok. Mum has just come out of hospital after suffering 3 violent seizures. This happened while I was away on holiday. My family didn't contact me until they had the results of the scan which did not show any bleeding in the brain thank goodness, they didn't want to spoil my holiday but I would rather know. It seemed to be as a result of high blood sugars and mum has now been diagnosed as diabetic. Mum seems to have deteriorated since this episode. Sometimes I just feel so angry about it all and find it hard deal with. My sisters and I look after my mum on weekends we try to do it together as it is easier, my dad can then go for a pint with friends as he misses social interaction having had to retire early in order to care for mum.
Sorry for ranting everyone just a bad day!!
Don`t apologize for ranting Sofia, that`s what `TP is here for, I`m just so sorry you`re finding it so hard today.
It`s never going to be anything but hard, but some days we are able to take it better than others.
All you can do as a family is support each other as best you can. And use TP to off load whenever you need to. There is always someone here to listen and understand.
Love xx
It`s never going to be anything but hard, but some days we are able to take it better than others.
All you can do as a family is support each other as best you can. And use TP to off load whenever you need to. There is always someone here to listen and understand.
Love xx
Hiya Vanessa and Sofia,
My mum started with dementia in her late 50's, she died in July, 17 years later - I have gone start to end with this disease now. I too adopted the habit of living in the now - accepting and loving mum just as she was. No looking back - trying not to look forward too much, other than to plan the next stage of help and care that my dad needed to look after mum.
It is scarey; it does hurt; the feeling of having been cheated of a mum and my children their nanna. But you are doing the right thing, trying to give your mum the best possible life that she can have - making the most of the present. be strong, accept the pain, and enjoy the good times.
Love Helen
My mum started with dementia in her late 50's, she died in July, 17 years later - I have gone start to end with this disease now. I too adopted the habit of living in the now - accepting and loving mum just as she was. No looking back - trying not to look forward too much, other than to plan the next stage of help and care that my dad needed to look after mum.
It is scarey; it does hurt; the feeling of having been cheated of a mum and my children their nanna. But you are doing the right thing, trying to give your mum the best possible life that she can have - making the most of the present. be strong, accept the pain, and enjoy the good times.
Love Helen
Thank you all
TP definitely helps to offload and it is comforting to know you are not alone in all of this.
Sofia
TP definitely helps to offload and it is comforting to know you are not alone in all of this.
Sofia
It's so unfair.
Mum was diagnosed this week and is only just 60. Although had an inkling what the problem might be hearing it was still a shock and very distressing. I feel such a combination of things, anger, sadness, fear, injustice and the list could probably go on.
I feel I should have noticed the change in her sooner but I am ashamed to say I just got frustrated and irritated by her behaviour and didn't for one minute think it could be anything serious. We have had to wait such a long time for a diagnosis, about 18mnths/2years and what precious time wasted.
I feel so over protective of her now and just want to cry at the injustice of it all that at just the time when Mum should be enjoying her retirement and relaxing and looking forward to a different future, involving trips and hobbies etc, that she and we, are all going to have to deal with this and all it entails.
I still dont have a clear idea of the time scale that this thing works along or how quick it can overtake someone?
Mum was diagnosed this week and is only just 60. Although had an inkling what the problem might be hearing it was still a shock and very distressing. I feel such a combination of things, anger, sadness, fear, injustice and the list could probably go on.
I feel I should have noticed the change in her sooner but I am ashamed to say I just got frustrated and irritated by her behaviour and didn't for one minute think it could be anything serious. We have had to wait such a long time for a diagnosis, about 18mnths/2years and what precious time wasted.
I feel so over protective of her now and just want to cry at the injustice of it all that at just the time when Mum should be enjoying her retirement and relaxing and looking forward to a different future, involving trips and hobbies etc, that she and we, are all going to have to deal with this and all it entails.
I still dont have a clear idea of the time scale that this thing works along or how quick it can overtake someone?
Hi cgf and welcome to Talking Point.
What you're going through now is perfectly natural and understandable, although I doubt knowing that makes the whole thing any easier. Try not to feel guilty about not knowing what it was casuing these symptoms: at your mother's age it's hardly the first thing you would think of.
As to how long: I'm afraid this something we would all like the answer to, but unfortunately it doesn't exist, particularly for young onset sufferers. For older people, often other health issues impact which makes a difference.
Best wishes
What you're going through now is perfectly natural and understandable, although I doubt knowing that makes the whole thing any easier. Try not to feel guilty about not knowing what it was casuing these symptoms: at your mother's age it's hardly the first thing you would think of.
As to how long: I'm afraid this something we would all like the answer to, but unfortunately it doesn't exist, particularly for young onset sufferers. For older people, often other health issues impact which makes a difference.
Best wishes
Welcome to TP, cgf.
Please don`t blame yourself for not recognizing that the change in your mother`s behaviour was a cause for real concern.
At her age, Alzheimers would have been the last thing you would have been expected to think about.
My husband showed a change in behaviour at the age of 67, and I thought he was becomimg a `grumpy old man`. It took us 6 years to get a diagnosis, so you`ve done well.
There is no time scale, we have to live it from day to day, knowing some people deteriorate faster than others. It`s a dreadful condition, heartbreaking and stressful.
I hope you will find support on this Forum. Please share your experiences and ask any questions you might have. I don`t guarantee there will always be someone with an answer, but you will be supported and understood.
Take care
Please don`t blame yourself for not recognizing that the change in your mother`s behaviour was a cause for real concern.
At her age, Alzheimers would have been the last thing you would have been expected to think about.
My husband showed a change in behaviour at the age of 67, and I thought he was becomimg a `grumpy old man`. It took us 6 years to get a diagnosis, so you`ve done well.
There is no time scale, we have to live it from day to day, knowing some people deteriorate faster than others. It`s a dreadful condition, heartbreaking and stressful.
I hope you will find support on this Forum. Please share your experiences and ask any questions you might have. I don`t guarantee there will always be someone with an answer, but you will be supported and understood.
Take care
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